Unbroken
by IHeartLogiebear
Summary: James didn't think anything of it. Sure, he hasn't been quite normal for the past few weeks, but he thought it was just a minor problem that would go away. He never realized that it would change his life forever.
1. Falling

**Yes, I am stil working on Living A Double Life, but I just couldn't wait to post my new story! I'm not sure if you can guess what's wrong with James, but I have seen some amazing stories dealing with this issue and I have always wanted to try writing about it myself:) I'm gonna try to make it realistic and original as possible and I hope that you'll enjoy it! :) **

A picture of James Diamond backstage at one of Big Time Rush's concerts sits on the dresser. It's from their All Over The World tour. They had just performed a concert in England. James is the guy in the jeans, red T shirt, and black blazer. He's smiling, so he was obviously in a good mood that night. You know, despite the fact that the hours before the concert had been...well, intense. If you look at the picture, then look at him staring at it, you'll see that there's a big difference. It's been months since the tour ended and his health has gone downhill. His skin is pale, he barely has energy to get up in the morning, and he seems to bruise a lot easier than normal. That's not right, but he hates hospitals so he refuses to let anyone know that he hasn't been feeling well.

"James, we've gotta get to the studio!" His best friend and bandmate, Kendall Knight, shouts from the living room. James groans, dreading the sure to be long day of recording and dance rehearsals. This is gonna suck so bad. He definitely doesn't feel like doing this today, but he has to suck it up. _Fantastic._

He gives his pale reflection one last look before grabbing his grey Nike hoodie off his bed and leave the bedroom. As he follows his bandmates out the door, he pulls the hoodie over his head.

"I really hope Gustavo's in an extra good mood." Carlos complains as they enter the elevator. James leans against the wall and close his eyes. Yeah, he highly doubts that Gustavo will be in a good mood. The man is never in a good mood.

"James? You okay, man?" Logan asks, patting his shoulder.

"Yeah." James says quietly. "Just tired."

"Jay, maybe you should see a doctor." Kendall tells him. "You've been acting different for weeks."

"It's probably just the flu." He murmurs, opening his eyes halfway. It could be the flu, right? Many of his symptoms really do seem like flu symptoms. Pale skin, nausea, the only abnormal symptom is the bruising. He was playing lobby hockey with the guys a few days ago and he didn't even get knocked around that much, yet he had a bunch of bruising.

"Let's just..." He stops to cough into his hand. "Let's just get to the studio."

Once the elevator doors open, James is the first to leave. He doesn't want the guys questioning him about a sickness that probably isn't even serious. That's the thing about the four of them. Whenever one of them acts even slightly different, the other three get all paranoid about it. James isn't really a big fan of people acting overly concerned about him.

They get into the limo and fasten their seat belts. This would be a perfect time for James to take a nap. Rocque Records is about ten minutes away from the Palm Woods and ten minutes of rest sounds really good right now.

He coughs again and rests his head against the window, closing his eyes. He frowns when he feels a hand against his forehead and he whines as he opens his eyes. He rolls his eyes and gently pushes Logan's hand away. It looks like he's about go all "doctor" on James. James appreciates the concern, but he would appreciate if everyone would just back off.

"You're really warm." Logan says worriedly.

"I'm fine, Logan." James says softly, closing his eyes once again. He slowly drifts off to sleep. It seems like only a few minutes before he is finally woken up by Logan shaking him. He takes a deep breath and watches as Logan gets out of the limo, following his friend.

He find himself stumbling due to a sudden wave of dizziness, relieved when Kendall and Carlos catch him.  
>"Are you sure you're okay, man?" Kendall asks, helping him up the steps. He doesn't even bother responding to his question. He's too tired.<p>

Once they are inside, Kendall reluctantly lets James go. He's incredibly worried about James, but he knows that his friend doesn't like to be pestered, so he'll let it go for now. But if James gets any worse, Kendall will drag him to the doctor if he has to.

"DOGS, YOU'RE FIVE MINUTES LATE!" Their music producer, Gustavo Rocque, shouts when they enter the recording studio. James flinches in pain, holding back a whimper. His head really hurts and Gustavo's yelling doesn't help at all.

"We're sorry." Kendall tells him. "Now, just calm down and let's get to work."

The four of them walk into the recording booth and grab a pair of headphones. James wishes he had a chair because he feels much too weak to stand up for too long. He feels so _bad. _He really doesn't wanna do this today.

"Revolution! From the top!" Gustavo says loudly. Gosh, does he have to talk so loud?

Kendall, Carlos, and Logan keep singing, but watch James closely. The pained look on his face is really bothering them. What could be wrong?

_No...No, no, no, not now! _James stop singing as his stomach churns. Ugh, seriously? He runs out of the studio as fast as he can, rushing into the nearest restroom. He walks into one of the stalls and drops to his knees in front the toilet, emptying the contents of his stomach.

"James? James, you in here?" Kendall asks frantically. James flushes the toilet and sits with his back against the wall, pulling his knees against his chest.

"Man, I knew you should have stayed home." He says as he kneels in front of James. "Let's get you home."

"Recording, remember?" James murmur.

"I don't care." Kendall says sternly, helping him to his feet. "You should have told us you were feeling so badly."

"Kendall, it's no big deal." James argues as Kendall leads him over to the couch in the sitting area outside Gustavo's office. He takes this opportunity to lie down, enjoying the feeling of nice, soft pillows.

"I'm gonna let Gustavo and Kelly know, then the boys and I are taking you home." Kendall says before returning to the studio.

James rolls onto his side, waiting for Kendall, Carlos, and Logan to return. His bandmates are his best friends, his brothers. They've been through a lot together. The constant neglect from his dad (His parents are still married! His dad just doesn't give him a whole lot of attention), the divorce of Kendall's parents, the constant bullying that Logan endured throughout elementary school, Carlos's constant trips to the hospital because of stupid stunts he attempted, and more. They're about like family. When one of them is sick or hurt, the others are there.

"Jay, come on." Carlos says, helping him off the couch. They escort him out the front door and into the limo.

"What about Gustavo and Kelly?" He asks tiredly.

"Kelly told us to make sure you get as much rest as you need." Logan says, patting his shoulder. "You've gotta let us know when you don't feel good."

"I know." James whispers. "I'm sorry."

"Where's your mom?" James asks Kendall, tightly hugging a bright orange pillow. Mama Knight is their legal guardian. While Carlos, Logan, and James's parents all stayed in Minnesota, she agreed with come here with them. She feeds them, washes their clothes, takes care of them when they're sick...Basically, she has taken on the role of mom for all three of them as well as Kendall, her biological son. She also has a twelve year old daughter, Katie.

"She went to the store." Kendall tells him. "I think."

James nods weakly, carefully laying down. He hates being sick. He has never handled sickness very well at all. He'll be honest. When it comes to illness, hospitals, needles, and all that medical stuff, he's a wimp.

He whimpers as he sits up straight, clutching his stomach painfully. Yeah, the nausea is back.

"It's okay." Kendall says, rubbing his back. James shakes his head and jumps off the couch, stumbling to the restroom. He throws up once again, barely noticing when a gentle hand starts rubbing his back and shoulder.

"I'm here, buddy." Carlos says quietly. James keeps throwing up until he can't do it anymore. He collapses into Carlos's arms, squeezing his eyes shut as his shorter friend hugs him. He can feel sweat falling down his cheeks and forehead, but Carlos doesn't seem to mind at all. A little bit of sweat never bothered Carlos. He's happy comfort James when he isn't feeling well.

"I don't feel good." James whimpers.  
>"Hey, we know." Logan says as he and Carlos help their sick friend off the floor. "We're sorry about that."<p>

"You need to go ahead and lay down." Kendall says while Carlos and Logan practically drag James to his shared bedroom with Kendall. Since there are only three bedrooms, they all have a roommate. It's James and Kendall, Carlos and Logan, Mama Knight and Katie. It would be cool to have their own rooms, but James don't mind sharing a room with Kendall. He's been pretty much a big brother to James and they're closer than the other guys because they've known each other since pre school. Carlos came along in Kindergarten, while Logan joined the group in third grade.

"Just get changed into these." Logan says, handing him some black track pants and a plain red T shirt.

"Thanks, guys." He says gratefully, giving them a smile for reassurance.

"No problem." Carlos says, squeezing his shoulder before following Kendall and Logan out of the room. Then James proceeds to get changed into the comfy new clothes.

* * *

><p>James is asleep for most of the day, except for meals and trips to the restroom. Now it's nine thirty at night and he thinks he's starting to feel worse. He doesn't understand what's happening to his body. This has been going on for weeks! He knows it's not normal, but he's just afraid of being dragged to the hospital.<p>

He presses hand against his forehead, frowning at the heavy amount of sweat. Ugh, what is this? He never sweats this much. He's fairly sweaty after workouts and performances, but he _never_ sweats this much. Something isn't right here.

He angrily kicks the sheets off himself, hoping to cool himself off. Sadly, nothing changes.

He sits up and runs his fingers through his hair, frowning at how damp it is. He holds back a sob as he stands up, quietly leaving the room. He doesn't wanna wake Kendall up. He's not too friendly if he's woken up from his sleep.

He starts to grab a Coke from the fridge, then he gets that all too familiar feeling in his stomach. He runs to the restroom and kneels in front of the toilet, throwing up. Finally, he sits up against the bathtub and shivers weakly. When he look down, there's a red substance on his shirt. What the...

"James? Where are you, buddy?" Carlos calls out.

"In here." James says weakly, breathing deeply.

"Oh my...Jay, your nose is bleeding!" Carlos says frantically, grabbing a Kleenex and handing it to James. James presses the Kleenex to his nose and when he pulls it away, he learns that what Carlos said is true. His nose is bleeding. "We've gotta get to the hospital!"

He shakes his head as his eyes fill with tears. No, not the hospital! He'll be fine without it. This is just some weird virus that will go away in a few days. He _does not _need to go to the hospital.

"You have to." Carlos says gently before running to get Kendall and Logan.

James lays down and curls into a ball, closing his eyes. Sleep...he needs sleep. That's all he needs, right?

He rolls onto his back, his eyes still closed. Next thing he knows, he's being lifted off the ground. He opens his eyes and finds Kendall and Carlos carrying him out the door. Logan helps him hold the Kleenex to his nose.

"What about Mama Knight and...and Katie?" He whispers.

"We'll call them after we get to the hospital." Kendall responds quietly. "You'll be okay, James. You're gonna be okay."

* * *

><p><strong><strong>The next few chapters are better:) This chapter mostly just introduces the problem<strong>**

**Anyway, I've seen this before in other stories, where the character goes to the hospital because he got sick and his nose was bleeding (I couldn't think of any other reason for him to go to the hospital, except for passing out, but that seems common too!), but that seems like a good way to kick off the drama:O Once again, I want to keep this original and angsty:) Because this girl loves angst**

**I already have six chapters completed, so there may be a double update! :D**

**Review! :D**


	2. Diagnosis

Where is he? What happened? These are two questions that run through James's mind as he begins awakening from his unconscious state. His eyes dart around the room. White walls, two chairs to his right, an IV pole to his left, two bracelets around his right wrist, and he's wearing a white gown. Yep, he's in the hospital. From what he remembers, he was vomiting when Carlos found him and got the other guys, then they took him to the hospital. Other than that, he's pretty confused right now.

He sighs quietly, looking toward the doorway. He is so exhausted. He feels like he hasn't slept in weeks. Where are the guys? Mama Knight? Katie? Anyone at all? Really, he doesn't like being alone in a hospital room.

He groans softly and keeps his eyes on the door, waiting for someone, anyone, to appear and provide him with some company. He needs someone to distract him from the nauseous feeling in his stomach. He needs a hug, too. He doesn't like it here at all. He's glad that no one has stuck any needles in him yet or if they did, he's glad he was unconscious for it, but either way, he doesn't like being here because hospitals remind him of sickness and death.

"Hello, James, I'm Doctor Jefferson." A middle aged man in a white coat says as he walks into the small room, holding a clipboard in his hands. "You gave your friends quite a scare."

"Yeah," James whispers. "I know."

James watches Doctor Jefferson's face, noticing something really off. He seems tired, worried, even sad. Why? Is something wrong with James? He knows his symptoms may be a little weird, but he didn't think his problem was that serious. According to the look on Doctor Jefferson's face, there's some bad news coming his way. He's always been pretty good at predicting when someone has something good or bad to tell him. He just watches their facial expressions.

"James, we need to talk about your...condition." Doctor Jefferson says gently, closing the door.

"Condition? What do you mean?" James asks worriedly.

"We ran some tests and your white blood cell count was higher than normal." He says calmly. "We also ran some other tests and the diagnosis is very...unfortunate."

Why is he talking to James like he's a child? James is eighteen years old and he's pretty sure he can handle whatever the doctor is gonna say.

"James, you have Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia."

What did he just say? James could have sworn that he just said leukemia, but that can't be right. James can't get leukemia. He has always been healthy. He exercises, he eats healthy, so he doesn't understand how he could possibly have leukemia. When someone leads a healthy lifestyle, doesn't it reduce their chances of getting a serious illness?

"What? Leukemia? As in cancer?" He says, his voice cracking. Doctor Jefferson is joking, right? This is some sick joke and he's about laugh and say "Just kidding!"

"Yeah, James," Doctor Jefferson says sympathetically. "Cancer."

Tears begin falling down James's cheeks and soon he's crying so hard that he doesn't even notice Doctor Jefferson leaving. Cancer? He just can't believe it. He has always tried so hard to keep his body healthy and now this is happening? He'll have to undergo chemotherapy and he'll most likely lose his hair. Even worse, he could die.

"God, why? Why is this happening?" He sobs, burying his face in his hands. He lowers his hands, then lifts one of them to his hair, feeling the soft strands that will soon be gone. Did he do something wrong? Is that why God is making him go through this?

Another knock on the floor. He struggles to stop his cries as the door slowly opens. A pretty girl in khaki pants, a light blue polo shirt, and glasses creeps into the room.

"Wh-who are y-you?" He stammers.

"Devonne." She says seriously. "I'm just a volunteer. Doctor Jefferson asked me to check on you."

James sniffles and roll onto his side, his back facing the door. He continue to sob quietly, distraught by his diagnosis. When he feels a hand on his shoulder, he still doesn't change his position.

"Look, I have to go and check on another patient, but just let me know if you need someone to talk to." Devonne says gently. Her footsteps become farther and farther away until they disappear completely and James is alone once again.

After sobbing his eyes out for ten minutes, James finds himself just laying here, staring at the wall in front of him. The guys still haven't shown up. Did Doctor Jefferson tell them about James's diagnosis? Is he still talking to them? Did something else come up? Considering the current situation, you would think that they would be here already.

"James?" A tearful voice says, knocking on the door. Carlos is standing there with Kendall, Logan, Mama Knight, and Katie. They all look like they've been crying and that's how he knows that Doctor Jefferson told them about his illness. It breaks his heart to see them looking so upset, but there's nothing he can do, even though he wishes there was.

"He told you?" He says weakly.

"Yeah, he told us." Logan says, his voice cracking. James looks at Kendall, who isn't saying anything. His expression is hard and James wonders why. Why is he so angry?

Seeing his friends so hurt is becoming increasingly hard. James can't stand to see them like this."Did he say what my options are?"

"Chemotherapy." Mama Knight says gently, sitting on his bed. She strokes his hair, trying to comfort him.

_Chemotherapy, the drug that's gonna make my hair fall out and possibly ruin my life. Ugh, no, the cancer is gonna ruin my life. The chemo is just gonna make it worse, _he thinks to himself. It's not fair. What's happening isn't fair at all. What's gonna happen to him? How is this gonna change his life? It can almost be guaranteed that things are gonna be different from now on.

"Sweetie, Doctor Jefferson had something else to do, but he's gonna come back in a little bit and explain some things to do, then you can go home." Mama Knight tells him, reaching into a black Nike gym bag. "In fact, he told me that you can go ahead and change into your own clothes if you'd like."

"Okay." James says softly, sitting up. He wipes his tearful eyes with the back of his hand, sniffling heavily. He's so terrified. He really is. How did life go from being normal to falling apart right in front of him?

* * *

><p>"Are you scared?" Carlos asks timidly.<p>

"Very." James admits, playing with the sleeve of his grey sweatshirt. "Never been so scared in my life."

"My cousin had cancer but he got better."

"That's great, Carlitos." James murmurs, laying back down.

He loves how Carlos tries to be so positive about bad situations. Kendall and Carlos are two of the most optimistic people James knows. Logan tries to be, but he's more realistic. When he knows that something is bad, he doesn't try to lie and say that it's gonna be okay.

"Don't you believe you're gonna get better?" Carlos asks him.

"Um," James hesitates. "I don't know, buddy. I'll definitely try."

At that moment, Doctor Jefferson returns, his expression serious yet full of understanding and sympathy.

"Okay, James, let's talk." He says, walking around to the other side of James's bed. He pulls a chair closer to James, sitting down. "Um, Carlos, could you please close the door?"

"Sure." Carlos says, getting off the bed.

"James, your parents are on their way out here. Would you like to wait to discuss this when they get here?"

"No, I wanna know now." James tells him.

"Okay." Doctor Jefferson nods. "Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia, ALL, affects the white blood cells called Lymphocytes. ALL occurs when the body produces a large amount of immature lymphocytes. The cancer cells grow and replace normal cells in the bone marrow. ALL prevents healthy blood cells from being formed. Now, James, when we ran some tests on you, we found that your liver, lymph nodes, and spleen are enlarged."

Lymphocytes, bone marrow, lymph nodes? What is this guy saying? He knows nothing about all these medical terms.

"What are my chances of survival?" James asks.

"About 75 to 89 percent."

That's more than half, but it's not 100 percent either. Should he be comforted by it? Or should he still be worried? He may have a high chance of survival, but it's obviously not guaranteed. There's still a possibility that he might die.

"I'm very sorry about this, James." Doctor Jefferson tells me. "Anyway, I am going to let you go home for a few hours, but I want you to come back as soon as your parents arrive."

"Alright." James says as Carlos helps him off the bed. "Thank you, Doctor."

* * *

><p>"Sweetie, please talk to us." Mama Knight pleads. James just lays on his side on the couch, his back facing her. He's in no mood to talk to anyone. He doesn't mean to sound like a spoiled brat but he doesn't think anyone really understands what he's going through. He has cancer, a disease that may or may not kill him. No one can possibly know what it's like to be diagnosed with a life threatening illness.<p>

"Mom, why won't he talk?" He hears Katie ask.

"He's just in shock." Mama Knight explains carefully while rubbing James's arm. "Boys, how's Kendall?"

"He locked himself in his room." Logan announces as he enters the living room. "Carlos and I have begged for him to come out, but he refuses."

"I'll see what I can do." James says, slowly sitting up. He may be going through a hard time, but that won't stop him from checking on his best friends. He's incredibly worried because Kendall hasn't said a thing since Doctor Jefferson told them the news. He doesn't like to see him so upset. James hopes he can get Kendall to talk about it.

"Kendall? Come on, man. Please talk to me." He says, knocking on the door. He wiggles the doorknob, but finds that it's locked. "Please, I-I just wanna talk to you, okay? Just let me talk and then I'll leave you alone."

A few seconds pass and He starts to walk away when he hears the door opening. He turns around and walk into the room, closing the door behind him.

"Man, you need to sit down." Kendall tells me. Yep, his overprotective instinct is kicking in. It's bad enough when one of them gets the flu or a broken bone, but James can only imagine how Kendall's gonna deal with his cancer.

"Why aren't you talking to anyone?" James asks, sitting next to Kendall.

"What do you mean?"

"Kendall, you haven't said a thing since you found out about...you know."

"James, how do you expect me to react? My best friend has cancer and I can't do a thing to help him. Tell me, James! What am I suppose to do?"

James holds back tears and turns away from his friend, embarrassed when a single tear falls down his cheek.

"Jay...Look, I didn't mean to sound so harsh." Kendall says, squeezing James's shoulder. "I'm just really scared for you. I have no idea what's gonna happen and I'm completely terrified. Jay, when you start chemo, you're probably gonna get really sick and before any of us know it, we're not even gonna be able to recognize you."

That's when the tears start flowing like a waterfall from James's eyes. He starts sobbing yet again, letting Kendall pull him into his arms.

"Shhh." He whispers, rubbing James's back. "It's okay, buddy. I'm here. We're gonna get through this. I promise. You're gonna start chemo and you're gonna beat this cancer. I can't say that it won't be hard, but I know you can do it."

James sobs louder and buries his face in Kendall's chest. His sobs turn into painful coughs and he cringes, even as Kendall rubs his back. He gasps until his breathing is back to normal. Does Kendall really believe that he can do this? Because he's not so sure.

"My life is over." He croaks.

"Hey, don't you dare say that!" Kendall protests. "You _can _do this, okay? I believe in you, Carlos believes in you, Logan believes in you, _we all believe in you. _Okay? You're strong, Jay. I know that you can get through this. Please don't doubt yourself."

Hmm, James doesn't know. He gets what Kendall's saying. He really does. He just doesn't know if he believes him. It's not like Kendall can predict the future. No one knows what's gonna happen. This situation could go two ways. One, James could survive. Two, he could die. he prays to God that it's the first choice, but he just doesn't know. He wants to have hope, he wants to believe, but he just feels so uncertain.

"Come on." Kendall tells James, helping him stand up. "Let's see if my mom will make dinosaur chicken for us."

"Yeah," James smiles. "I'm getting pretty hungry."

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, here's your double update! :D<strong>

**You'll be seeing more Devonne throughout this story:) If you wanna be able to imagine what she looks like as you're reading, just imagine Demi Lovato with red hair:)**

**Review! :D **


	3. Hard To Believe

"Your mom just called. She wanted let us know that she and your father will be here in a few minutes." Mama Knight informs James.

"Okay." He mutters, watching the TV. He's watching old Friends reruns to pass the time. He doesn't really feel like doing anything else. He hasn't even started chemo yet and he already feels terrible. He hasn't felt normal in weeks and he doesn't know much longer it'll be before he finally does.

"You're gonna be okay." Mama Knight says sweetly, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek.

Instead of risking the chance of crying again, he just nods curtly. He knows he doesn't seem too pleasant right now. He hates acting so cold toward everyone, but he doesn't know if he can really force himself to be in a good mood.

"Jay, why won't you talk to anyone?" Katie asks, sitting next to him. He continues staring blankly at the TV screen, even as Katie snuggles against his side. He loves that little girl. Well, he wouldn't call her little, but she's as much his baby sister as she is to Kendall. He grew up with a good family, but he also grew up with Kendall so he became rather close to Kendall's family. Except for Kendall's dad, who lives somewhere in Montana. Mama Knight and her ex husband, Jared Knight, divorced when Kendall was nine.

"Katie, just let him be." Logan says quietly. Katie gives James a gentle hug, then goes to her room.

Fifteen minutes pass before he hears the front door open. He hears his mom whisper something to Mama Knight, her voice cracking. Gosh, all this crying is making James depressed. Trying to drown out the sound of his mom's sobbing, he closes his eyes and attempt to fall asleep. Next thing he knows, his mom is attacking him in a tight hug.

"Baby, I'm here! Oh my goodness, honey, are you okay? How are you feeling? Do you need anything? Do you want me to fluff your pillow?"

"Mom!" James interrupts. "I'm good."

"Baby, I am so sorry that you're going through this." Brooke says gently, kissing the top of his head. "If there was something I could do to fix this, I would."

"I'll...I'll be fine." James lies. "Don't worry."

"You sure you're feeling okay, son?" Samuel asks. "You look kind of pale."

"I have cancer." James says flatly. His dad has never been very good at understanding people. A very simple answer can be right in front of him and he won't even notice. He seems fairly oblivious to everything that's going on in James's life. He didn't even really seem to care when Gustavo came over and announced that he wanted to take Kendall, James, Carlos, and Logan to LA to turn them into a boy band. Sometimes James wonders if his dad ever wanted a child in the first place.

Brooke gives her husband an incredulous look, slapping his bicep.

"Samuel, our baby is sick!" She says before sitting next to James. "Honey, we're gonna go back to the hospital in a few minutes and talk to the doctor about some stuff, okay? And I want you to ride in our rental car with us."

James rests his head on her shoulder and sighs softly. He wishes everything could go back to normal. It has been a little more than two years since they came to LA and it started out great, but it was sometime during their world tour that James started changing. Not his personality, but his overall health.

"Mom, we'll be waiting outside." Kendall says quietly. "Jay, we'll see you at the hospital."

James gives his friend a halfhearted wave, then returns his head to his mom's shoulder.

* * *

><p>"Kendall, we really should wait for your mom!" Logan protests as he reaches for Kendall's arm.<p>

Kendall just can't stand to stay in 2J and watch James receive comfort from his mom as he struggles to come to terms with his cancer diagnosis. It really sucks, you know? Why didn't Kendall see that something was wrong? James has been acting different for months and Kendall didn't even pay attention. Then again, James has always been a good actor, but still! Kendall should have been able to tell that something was different about him.

"Have you seen him today?" Kendall retort. "He looks and feels terrible. I cannot stand to see him like this, okay? I'm going to the van now."

"Kendall, I was hoping that we could walk him to his parents rental car." Carlos says softly.

"Well, you guys can go back if you want, but I'm gonna wait in the van." Kendall says bitterly, storming to the van. He walk briskly to the parking lot, searching for Mama Knight's van. He will be there for James. He has always been there for him and he's not about to stop now, but hejust needs a break from watching his sick best friend.

He unlocks the van, then crawl into the back seat. He's not usually one to admit anything and he definitely can't admit this out loud. He is freaking out. His best friend has a life threatening illness and he has no idea how to help him. He would give anything for James's cancer to be taken away from him. Unfortunately, Kendall knows that's not possible.

* * *

><p>"So your father and I were thinking we could move out here so we could be with you." Brooke says calmly. James can just see his dad rolling his eyes by looking in the rearview mirror. There's no way he'll be willing to move out to California just for James. His son must not be worth it.<p>

"Brooke, why can't he just move back to Minnesota?" Samuel asks her.

"Honey, Grand Marais is a small town." Brooke reminds him. "He'll get better treatment in LA."

"Mom, you should know by now that my father doesn't care what kind of treatment I get." James tells her.

"James, please show your father some respect." Brooke says in a warning tone. James roll his eyes and crosses his arms, looking out the window. Respect? Why should James respect him when he doesn't even respect his son? He doesn't know why the two of them have such an odd relationship, but he knows it isn't right. A father and his son are suppose to be like best friends, aren't they? They play catch in the back yard, the father gives the son dating advice, they go to sports games together, cool stuff like that. The more James thinks about it, the more he realizes that his dad has never been interested in doing that stuff with him.

Samuel huffs, keeping his eyes on the road.

* * *

><p>About thirty minutes later, Samuel parks in front of the hospital. They all get out of the car and start walking toward the entrance. When we approach the information desk, James is surprised to see Devonne sitting there, speaking to someone on the phone. Now that he has calmed down, he can really take notice of her good looks. She's a pretty girl with red hair and brown eyes.<p>

Normally, he would try to get her phone number, but he doesn't think he needs to be dating in his current situation.

"Hi, Doctor Jefferson wanted to see us." Brooke tells her.

"Yes, ma'am. Yes, I'll let you know. Okay, bye." Devonne says before hanging up the phone, giving them a polite smile. "Repeat that?"

"Doctor Jefferson wanted us to see him." Brooke informs her. "My son was diagnosed with leukemia and I guess Doctor Jefferson wants to speak with us about his treatment plan."

"Right, I'll page him for you." Devonne says before pressing a button the pager. "Doctor Jefferson, James Diamond and his parents are here."

"How old are you?" James asks, just out of curiosity.

"Twenty one." Devonne smiles in amusement.

"James, you're back!" Doctor Jefferson says, walking out of his officer. "This must be Mr. and Mrs. Diamond."

"Hi, Doctor Jefferson, I'm Brooke Diamond and this is my husband, Samuel." Brooke says, shaking his hand. Samuel does the same.

"Please step into my office." Doctor Jefferson says, stepping aside. They walk into his office, where Samuel and James sit in the two chairs across from Doctor Jefferson. Brooke stands behind James, her hands on his shoulders. "Mr. and Mrs. Diamond, your son has Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia, or ALL. As I explained to James earlier, ALL is a type of cancer that produces a large amount of immature white blood cells called lymphocytes. He has pre-B cell ALL. People with ALL may experience fatigue, nausea, loss of appetite, they may bruise easily, and bleed easily. When James was brought into the hospital last night, we ran several tests on him and when we got the results back, we found that he had a high white blood cell count and swollen spleen, liver, and lymph nodes."

"What are h-his t-treatment options?" Brooke says tearfully, playing with James's hair. His face is already wet with tears. This is really happening. He has cancer.

Whether he wants to believe it or not, this isn't a dream.

"Chemotherapy."

James nods slowly, wiping his tears away with the back of his hand.

"We have a cancer treatment ward here." Doctor Jefferson tells them. "I would like to schedule your first chemo session for this Saturday if that's alright with you."

"Yeah, that sounds okay." James murmurs. "Thanks."

"I'm really sorry about all this, James."

"Yeah," James says softly, getting out of his chair. "I know."

* * *

><p><strong>Review! :D<strong>


	4. Reality Sinks In

James is meeting with his doctors at the hospital. He goes to his first chemo session in two days and he is not the only person that's panicking. Carlos is scared for him. Logan said that chemotherapy makes people really sick. Carlos doesn't want James to be sick. Why him? What did James ever do to deserve this? He may be a little shallow sometimes, but he's also one of the most caring people Carlos has ever met. He doesn't deserve to be fighting for his life.

Carlos gets off the couch and walk out to the balcony overlooking the Palm Woods swimming pool. He remembers when the boys back from their first tour and no one remembered us, so James and Carlos pretty much became obsessed. They did everything to try and get people to notice them. It was pretty funny now that Carlos looks back on it. How did they go from the Hollywood Super Party Kings Of Hollywood to Carlos and his cancer stricken best friend?

"Carlos, where are you?"

Logan. Carlos really would prefer to be alone right now, but he doesn't wanna hurt Logan's feelings. Carlos is just...he's having a hard time dealing with this. He can't make James's cancer go away. If he could take it away from him, he wouldn't hesitate, but this is something that won't immediately go away. James is gonna have to fight.

"Over here." Carlos says quietly.

"Hey, do you wanna go down to the pool with me?" Logan asks from the doorway.

"Maybe later." Carlos whispers, looking down at the pool. Camille just slapped Steve and yelled some random line from a script that she's been reading. Carlos wonders how she'll take the news. James is one of her closest guy friends and her ex boyfriend's best friend. She'll be heartbroken, just like they all are.

"Come on, buddy." Logan says, squeezing my shoulder. "You need to get some fresh air."

"Not right now." Carlos mutter, walking past him. The shorter boy hurries to his shared bedroom with Logan, closing the door behind him. Crawling under his covers, he stares at a picture of him and his friends at their hotel in Berlin during the world tour. They should have been in bed already, but Gustavo wasn't around so it wasn't like he would know if they were asleep or not. Anyway, Carlos made bunny ears behind Logan and James was trying to keep from laughing out loud. They all looked so happy and care free. Now that's all gone. Life is changing right in front of them.

"So I be back later?" Logan asks loudly. "I guess."

Carlos rolls my eyes and roll onto his side, facing the wall.

* * *

><p>Carlos is upset about James. Logan know because he's feels the same way. How did he not recognize James's symptoms? He had been acting weird, but Logan just brushed it off, thinking it was the flu. Obviously, it was much more than that. He's really scared. He has read about cancer and how it's treated. He knows what's gonna happen to James. He's gonna lose his hair, he'll lose his appetite, he'll be nauseous, he'll gain or lose weight, so many side effects will become apparent in their once healthy best friend.<p>

Tears are starting to fill Logan's eyes, but he forces them to stay there. He can't cry. Gotta be strong for James, you know? He knows Kendall and Carlos are a wreck, so Logan needs to be the strong one. Kendall hasn't cried at all, but he's been spending most of his time in his room since James was diagnosed. When he does leave the room, he seems so irritable. Logan needs to act as normal as possible and try his best to support James and the others without breaking down. That doesn't mean that he doesn't feel like it, but he can't do it.

He steps into the elevator and press the first floor button, leaning against the wall. He needs to tell Camille about James. She's his ex girlfriend, but they are still friends. Kendall, Carlos, and Logan asked James if they could start telling people and he said that it was okay if they told close friends, but to keep it a secret from anyone else at the Palm Woods. And from the public, of course. He doesn't want the media to know yet.

When the elevator doors finally open and Logan arrives at the lobby, Logan starts walking toward the pool. Camille is sitting at a table with Steve, her new boyfriend. Logan supposes that he's pretty good looking, but Logan thinks he and Camille were much better together. Sometimes he still finds himself feeling jealous of Steve.

"Hey!" Camille smiles at Logan.

He gives her and Steve an awkward wave. "Hey, can I talk to you alone?"

"We'll be just a few minutes." Camille whispers to Steve.

"Take your time." Steve says, giving Logan a warning look. Logan sighs and follow Camille into the lobby, suddenly grabbing her wrist and leading her out of the lobby. They walk through a door where the stairs are located, sitting on the bottom step.

"Logan, what is-" She starts to say.

"James has cancer." Logan says softly.

"What? Excuse me, but I thought I just heard you say that James has _cancer._"

"He does." Logan whispers. "Leukemia."

"Logan-"

"He's at the hospital right now, meeting with his doctors before he goes to chemo on Saturday. Look, I'm really sorry about-'  
>"This is a joke." Camille laughs humorlessly. "You're playing one sick joke on me, Logan Mitchell. Well, just so you know, I don't find it funny at all."<p>

"Camille, I'm not-"

"I'll talk to you later." Camille says before rushing back out the door. Logan stare at the door as his tears finally start falling.

* * *

><p>Kendall hates sitting in this waiting room. While his mom, James, Brooke, and Samuel are meeting with his doctor, Kendall and Katie are stuck here, waiting impatiently. Katie is trying to entertain herself with her Castle Bashers game, but Kendall is reading a rather boring magazine. After a few minutes of just staring at one page, he puts it back on the end table. He focuses his attention on the TV, but that doesn't help either. The only thing he wants right now is to see his best friend.<p>

"Kendall?" Katie asks timidly.

"Yeah, baby sister?" Kendall asks, wrapping his arm around her.

"Is James gonna be okay?"

"I..." He sighs, unable to lie to her. "I don't know."

"Would you guys like a drink?"  
>He looks up to see that one hospital volunteer, Devonne, standing in the waiting room entrance, smiling at them. She seems like a sweet girl. Kendall has to applaud her for having the courage to spend her time volunteering at a place where so many sick and injured people are. Kendall doesn't know if he could handle that.<p>

"Um, no thanks." He says quietly.

"You know, James is gonna have good people taking care of him." Devonne says, sitting across from them.

"I hope so." Kendall tells her. "He deserves it."

"I use to have cancer." Devonne tells them, her eyes filling with sadness. "That's part of the reason that I wanted to volunteer. After I went into remission, I was inspired to work in the medical field, so I am currently attending medical school at UCLA. I spend a lot of my free time volunteering. It's really nice to help others."

"What kind of cancer did you have?" Katie asks her.

"Hodgkin's Lymphoma."

"Did you lose your hair?"

"Yeah, but it grew back." Devonne smiles, running a hand through her red strands. "Hey, I've gotta get back to work, but let me know if you need anything."

"We will." Kendall whispers. Devonne gives them another gentle smile before leaving the waiting room.

* * *

><p>"I'll see you on Saturday, James." Doctor Barlow says as they step out of his office. Brooke keeps her arm around James's waist as they walk out of the office. "Be here at eleven, okay?"<p>

"I'll be here." James tells him before he starts following his parents and Mama Knight toward the waiting room. Brooke looks like she's about to start crying and James feels his heart break for her. This doesn't just affect him. He knows it's hurting his family, too. He can handle being sick, but seeing his loved ones suffer is torture.

"How about we take you out to lunch?" She says gently, rubbing his back.

"Yeah, that sounds good." James smiles softly.  
>"Kendall, Katie, let's go." Mama Knight tells her two children.<p>

"Hey, how did it go?" Kendall asks James.

"I'm freaking out." James says through a smile. Doctor Barlow told him how chemo works. They're gonna hook him up to an IV and put the chemo in it. The bad thing is that there is a needle involved. He's terrified of needles, so the thought of getting one put in him every two weeks makes him feel sick to his stomach.

"It'll be okay." Kendall whispers to him, patting his shoulder. "The guys and I will be with you."

"Thanks." James tells him. "I really appreciate the support."

As they walk through the hospital lobby, James hears people whispering and he can only assume that they're talking about him and Kendall. After all, they're in a famous boy band. They tend to get recognized a lot these days.

"Bye, James!" Devonne says sweetly, waving at him.

"Bye." He grins, waving at her. Devonne smiles before walking into the hospital gift shop. She kind of distracted him, so he almost walks into the closed door, but Kendall quickly pushes it open and gently leads him out to the parking lot.

* * *

><p>"Sweetie, you're not eating." Mama Knight asks worriedly, watching James with concern. They ended up stopping by McDonald's and as delicious as these chicken nuggets look, James isn't as hungry as he thought. He usually finishes all ten of them in fifteen minutes or less, but he just doesn't really feel like eating. He's way too sad.<p>

"Baby, please try to eat." Brooke says sadly, placing her hand over his.

"Mom-" James interrupts.

"Please?"

"Okay." He says, picking up a nugget. He stares at it for a moment, then bites down. Going to his favorite fast food restaurant doesn't even seem as fun now. How is he suppose to enjoy anything right now? He hasn't even went to chemo yet and cancer is already ruining everything. Normally, he would be talking and laughing with his family and friends. Now things just feel awkward.

He glances at Samuel from the corner of my eyes. He's watching James apprehensively, almost looking like he wants to say something. It's not that James doesn't love his dad because he really does. It's just that Samuel has never seemed to really care as much as James would like him to. James wonders what his dad is gonna be like now that he's sick.

"Your father and I explained the situation to Mr. Bitters." Brooke says, stroking his face. "We wanna be as close to you as possible and we convinced him to let us have an apartment at the Palm Woods."

"Mom, I didn't want anyone to know yet." James says tiredly. He really wanted to keep it secret so he wouldn't have to worry about getting sympathy everywhere he goes. The only people he plans on telling are Gustavo and Kelly. Well, Mama Knight is actually gonna call them.

"I'm gonna call Gustavo and let him know." Mama Knight says gently, kissing the top of his head.

Once she's gone, Kendall gives James a knowing smile. James looks at him, confused.

"I know you have a crush on Devonne." He grins. James rolls his eyes and throw one of his fries at Kendall. Yeah right! He does not and he will never have a crush on Devonne. He's eighteen, still a senior in high school. Devonne is already in her third year of college. She is way too old for him. She's hot, but James doesn't think she would be interested in him.

"No, I don't." He says, his voice slow and stern.

"Dude, I can tell." Kendall smiles.

"Shut up!"

"Not until you admit that you're crushing on the pretty girl."

"Mom, can I kill him now?"

"No, sweetie, you can't do that." Brooke laughs, giving her son a hug.

"Aw, he's blushing." Katie giggles. Kendall laughs at the comment. James whines and buries his face in Mom's shoulder, desperately trying to hide his embarrassment. Where did Kendall get the idea that he has a crush on the hospital volunteer that just happens to acknowledge him every time he goes to the hospital?

"You are both jerks." He says just as Mama Knight returns to the table. "Um, hey...What did he say?"

"Not much." Mama Knight says gently, squeezing my hand. "He seemed upset, though. He also told me that Rocque Records will pay for all your hospital bills."

"That's nice of him." Brooke says before quietly encouraging James to eat some of his fries.

"Can I still work?" He asks Mama Knight.

"Well, Doctor Barlow says that you'll be pretty weak for a few days after chemo, but when you start feeling better, you can continue recording. Remember that he recommended being really careful with dancing, though. You don't wanna overexert yourself." Mama Knight tells him.

"Okay," He nods, feeling nothing but dread. When he starts getting really sick, he probably won't be able to work at all. This is just the start of the isolation that he will be forced to experience during treatment. "Yeah, that's fine."

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you all so much for the reviews so far! :D<strong>

**Review this chapter? :D**


	5. The Fight Begins

Kendall knows everyone is worried about him. He can tell by the way they look at him. Even James, when he's really the one that they should all be focused on. He's way more important right now. They should all focus on supporting him because he really needs it. You know he won't even talk about how he's feeling? Ever since he broke down in Kendall's arms the other day, he has suddenly stopped talking about his cancer. He asks if Kendall is okay, but he never says if he's okay. Kendall know he isn't. He obviously isn't okay physically, but Kendall knows his emotional state isn't so good either. There's no way that he could possibly be feeling okay. The fact that he's starting chemo tomorrow can't be making him feel any better.

Kendall has been spending more time in his room since James was diagnosed. He just can't stand to be anywhere else. He only went to the hospital yesterday to support James, but he can only spend so much time hearing people talk about cancer and chemo and all these other things that unfortunately remind him of the situation.

He pulls the covers over his tired body and stares at the alarm clock. It's 10:00 pm. James has to be at the hospital in thirteen hours. Kendall truly dreading it, but he know it's a lot worse for James. He's terrified of needles, but that's not the worse part. The chemo is gonna make him feel really sick and he's gonna lose his hair. After a few sessions, he won't even be the same person anymore. Kendall has seen cancer patients on TV before. They're really pale, bald, skinny, but sometimes they also gain weight. In a few weeks, that's what James is gonna become.

Kendall looks over at James, who has already been asleep for an hour and a half. Why is it suddenly so hard to look at him? Kendall can't stand the thought of losing his best friend. He's like a brother to Kendall and Kendall doesn't like seeing him go through this. He wishes that he could wake up and this would all be a bad dream.

"Mmm..." He sits up when he hears James moan in his sleep. When tears start to fall down his face, Kendall becomes more worried. He immediately gets out of bed and rushes to his side, watching him with concern.

"Jay? Wake up, buddy." He whispers, rubbing James's shoulder. "James, wake up."

James's eyes snap open and he stares at Kendall.

Kendall helps him sit up and wraps his arms around him, holding him close.

"It's okay." He whispers. "You're okay."

He doesn't say anything. Instead, he rests his head on Kendall's shoulder and lets more tears fall. Kendall doesn't care that his shirt is becoming soaking wet. He just wants to provide James with a shoulder to cry on.

"I-" He stammers.

"What is it, buddy?"

"I-I'm scared." He murmurs, his voice shaky.

"I know." Kendall says softly, squeezing him tightly. "I'm scared, too."

"Why?" James whispers quietly, looking at him.

"I'm scared for you." Kendall explains. "I don't like to see you going through this. I hate that you're sick, buddy. And I'm scared about your chemo session tomorrow. I'm scared of what it's gonna do to you."

James sighs softly, pulling away from embrace. He wipes his tears away and looks at Kendall.

"Hey, there is a bright side, though." Kendalls tell him with a smile. "You can spend more time with your girlfriend."

"Devonne is not my girlfriend! I have no interest in her!" He argues. Yeah, Kendall disagrees. James blushes every time she talks to him. Kendall think she seems cool!. Since she's a former cancer patient, she might be a good person for James to spend time with. He'll always have his loved ones supporting him, but Devonne understands what he's going through because she's been through it herself. He deserves to have someone that really knows what he's dealing with. None of them have had cancer, so they don't really understand the situation from his point of view.

"You sure about that?" Kendall teases before returning to his own bed. James mumbles something incoherent before laying back down. At least Kendall lightened the mood a little bit. A few jokes and some laughter is always a good thing.

* * *

><p>"Logan, why don't you seem upset about James?" Carlos asks. Logan is getting pretty tired of his questions. Instead of responding, the smart boy turns onto his side, his back facing Carlos. Does Carlos really think that Logan isn't upset? It's killing him! But he needs to be the strong one. He can tell that everyone else is a mess, so there needs to be at least one person around here that can keep himself together.<p>

"Logan?"

"What?" Logan says bitterly.

"You know it's okay to be sad, right?"

Logan hates being so crabby. He really does. It's just that he...He doesn't even know. He hates how everything seems to be falling apart. It's obvious that Mama Knight and Katie are upset, Carlos cries more often, Kendall refuses to talk to anyone, and James has a life threatening illness. Logan? He just doesn't know. He has to stay strong for James and the others.

"Come on, please talk to me." Carlos pleads, sitting on the edge of Logan's bed. Logan's eyes start welling up with tears, but he refuses to let them fall. Carlos has been doing this to him all day. Logan, why won't you talk to us? Logan, please talk to me. Logan, it's okay to cry. Logan knows his intentions are good, but his constant pestering is getting on Logan's nerves.

"Boys, you need to go to sleep." Mama Knight says gently.

"He won't talk to me." Logan hears Carlos whisper sadly.

"Just lay down and let me try." Mama Knight tells him. Soon, Logan feels the bed shifting as Carlos gets up and Mama Knight sits down. Her hand rests on his shoulder and she leans over to see his face. She can forget about getting him to talk about James. If he starts talking about it, he's sure to break down.

"Honey, do you wanna talk?" She asks him. He shakes his head and sigh softly, closing his eyes. She touches his cheek and he flinches, not wanting to be touched right now.

Mama Knight kisses his forehead, then goes over to Carlos and whispers something to him before leaving the room.

* * *

><p>This is it. James is starting chemotherapy today. He really doesn't wanna do this, but he absolutely has to if he wants any chance of surviving. He knows that he wants to live, so he's gonna have to do this. He feels like he's gonna be sick due to his anxiety about the whole thing, but he's just going for it. If it'll help fight his cancer, that's great. It's the side effects that scare him. Doctor Barlow went through a whole list of them at their little meeting the other day.<p>

Looking in the mirror, he just sees James Diamond. He looks like I've always looked. Young, attractive, great hair, hazel eyes, and an athletic build. Just so he'll be more comfortable, He chose to throw on a pair of grey sweatpants, a plain black T shirt, a red hoodie, his glasses, and a white baseball cap. In a few weeks, he most likely won't even be able to recognize himself and that makes his heart break even more.

How will everyone see him? He's gonna try to keep it a secret as long as he can, but eventually people are gonna notice his health deteriorating. Once he loses his hair and he becomes thinner, it won't be hard for anyone to figure it out. He doesn't want people give him sympathy and he doesn't want them treating him like he's gonna break at the slightest touch.

"Sweetie, it's time to go." Mama Knight says, standing in the doorway.

James grabs his gym bag off his bed and starts following her out the door. He's sure he'll be too tired and sick to do anything, but he packed a few things just in case. His iPod, his iPhone, a copy of Pop Tiger magazine, a comfy pillow, and a blanket. One of the nurses told him to bring one because the chemo rooms can get pretty cold.

When he walks into the living room, an awkward silence begins. He takes a moment to look at each of his friends. Kendall, sitting on the couch with his arms crossed, a blank look on his face. Logan, sitting in the exact same position, staring at the floor. Carlos, sitting between Logan and Kendall, looking awkward and nervous at the same time. Then there's Katie, standing behind the couch, watching James with fear in her eyes. He hasn't even started treatment and everything has already changed.

"Let's just go." He says quietly, walking past them.  
>When they get to the lobby, Camille is talking to Lucy Stone, but when she sees James, she says goodbye to Lucy and walks over to them.<p>

"Hey! Where are you guys going?" She asks with a smile. "James, you will not believe what Logan told me the other day! He told me that you have cancer! But I knew he was just messing with me."

Logan clenches his jaw and keeps his eyes on the floor. He's annoyed with the fact that Camille is obviously in denial. James hates to snap her out of it, but he has to. This is real and they all need to accept it.

"He wasn't messing with you." He tells her. "It's true. I have leukemia."

"James-"

"This isn't some sick joke." James says, starting to get visibly frustrated.

"No...No, you can't have cancer, James! Please tell me that you're just kidding!" She says, starting to cry.

"Well, if I could have found a way to prevent it, I would have!" James snaps before storming toward the parking garage. Where is the van? He wants to get to the hospital and get started with his treatment. He can't believe that Camille thinks he's joking. Has she not been paying attention to him these past few weeks? She must have noticed that something wasn't right. He hasn't been normal for quite a while. Anyway, why would she think that Logan would lie about something like this? Cancer is serious. It's not something to be taken lightly. It should never be made into some sick joke.

"Jay-" Carlos says as he, Kendall, and Logan rush over to James.

"This van's this way." Kendall says, patting his back.  
>James is shaking as they walk toward the van. Kendall opens the front passengers side door for James and he gets in, quietly thanking Kendall before he closes the door.<p>

"We made Camille promise that she won't tell anyone." Carlos says softly.

"Good." James mutters as Mama Knight climbs into the drivers seat.

"James, you know you have spend the night, don't you? Since it's your first session, they want to keep you overnight." She explains as she starts the car.

"Yeah, I know."

"Okay." She says, squeezing his hand before backing out of the parking space.

* * *

><p>"Hi, James Diamond is here." Mama Knight tells the receptionist in the cancer ward. While she does that, James looks around. Nurses and doctors are walking in and out of rooms, but he only pays attention to one thing. A little girl, about six or seven years old, walking alongside her mom. She's wearing a purple bandana to hide her hair loss and a purple Big Time Rush shirt with the band's picture on it. James can't help smiling at that.<p>

"Mommy, it's Big Time Rush!" She says excitedly. "Can we say hi?"

"Sweetie, I'm sure they're probably busy right now." The mom says, giving the guys a polite smile.

"I'll be right back." James whispers to the guys before walking over to the little girl. "Hi, what's your name?"

"Kayla."

"Wow, that's a really cute name." James says, kneeling down to her level. "I'm guessing you're a BTR fan, huh?"

Kayla smiles and nods, looking at her mother.

"Do you want me to sign something for you?" James grins.

"My bandana?" Kayla asks, slowly removing her bandana. James's heart breaks as he take in her appearance, but he smiles anyway.

"Sure. Do you have a pen or a marker?"

"I have one." Her mother says, handing a sharpie to him.  
>"Thanks." He says, placing the bandana flat on the floor. He writes his name and a small heart next to it. Then he hands it back to her, smiling as her mom helps her put it back on.<p>

"Why are you in the cancer place?" Kayla asks him.

"I have cancer, too." James says softly. "I'm getting my first chemo treatment today."

As soon as he speaks, Kayla's eyes fill with sadness.  
>"But I'm gonna fight it." He tells her. "Just like you're doing."<p>

Suddenly, Kayla throws her arms around his neck, hugging him. He hugs back, placing a gentle kiss on her cheek.

"Keep fighting, sweetheart." He says before standing up. He gives her and her mom a smile before returning to his group. Kendall, Carlos, and Logan give Kayla a smile, waving at her. She waves back, then follows her mom out of the cancer ward. James hopes she makes it. He would hate for a sweet little girl like that to lose her life to such a horrible disease.

"That was great, man." Logan says, squeezing James's shoulder.

"Well, a bed just became available." The receptionist tells them. "By the way, that was really sweet of you, James. Kayla talks about you boys all the time."

"She seems really sweet." James says as they start walking toward his room. He almost feels tempted to turn around and leave when he sees the place, but he reminds himself that they're doing this to save his life. He can't back out.

"First, we'll give you some pre medications, then we'll start the chemo." The nurse, Chelsea, says gently. James gets settled in the bed and waits patiently for Doctor Barlow. This is gonna suck so bad. He hates needles and he hates anything that makes him feel sick. Well, hopefully the premeds will help.

"Hi, James!" Doctor Barlow says cheerfully. How can he be so happy when he's around so much pain and sadness? James could never handle a job like this. "You ready?"

"Not really." James mumbles under his breath. He starts to speak out loud when someone knocks on the door.

"Come in!" Doctor Barlow says. The door is pushed open and Devonne walks into the room, a smile on her face.

"I heard James is starting chemo today and I thought I would bring him some movies to watch." She grins. Okay, James know she's three years older than him, but he thinks she's hot. And she's so sweet to him, so it's hard to ignore her.

"Thanks, Dev." He smiles as she hands the movies to him.

"Ooh, he even has a nickname for her." Carlos whispers, while Kendall, Logan, and Katie laugh. Ugh, do they really have to embarrass him like that?

"I even brought you the Spongebob Squarepants movie." Devonne laughs, ruffling his hair. Oh, he thinks he's in love. Okay, he's not, but he's a teenage boy and he sees nothing wrong with crushing on an older woman. He like red heads with green eyes and a good tan.

"Okay, we're gonna get your IV hooked up." Doctor Barlow warns him. His smile fades and he reluctantly hold out his left arm, closing his eyes as Chelsea starts disinfecting it. Logan reaches for James's hand as Chelsea brings the needle to his skin. He squeezes his eyes shut and tightens his grip on Logan's hand, letting a few tears slip from his eyes. This last a couple more minutes before Chelsea finally speaks up.

"Okay, it's over." She assures him. "You did great."

"The premeds will last about thirty minutes." Doctor Barlow explains. "Then we'll administer the actual chemo."

"Okay." James responds, slowly letting go of Logan's hand. Then he remembers that his parents should be here soon. There isn't anywhere for them to sleep in apartment 2J, so they got a hotel nearby until they move into their apartment. They said that they would meet the rest of the group at the hospital.

"Hey, why don't you guys get something to eat in the cafeteria?" Devonne suggests. "I'll stay with James, if it's okay with Doctor Barlow."

"That would be great, Devonne." Doctor Barlow says, squeezing her shoulder. "We'll be back in thirty minutes, James."

* * *

><p>"Does chemo hurt?" James asks Devonne.<p>

"You may feel a slight burning sensation in your arm." Devonne tells him. For the past thirty minutes, they've been watching the Spongebob Squarepants movie, but they've mostly been talking about cancer. He's glad that he has someone that has been through it and can tell him what to expect. "I know I did whenever I use to get chemo. I hated the stuff, but it did put me in remission so I guess I'm grateful."

"Hey, we're finally here!" Brooke says, walking into the room with Samuel following close behind. "How is it going?"

"He's just getting his premeds right now." Devonne tells them. "But Doctor Barlow should be here any minute to administer the chemo."

Upon hearing the word "chemo," James's stomach churns. Ugh, the "fun" is about to begin. The closer it gets, the more dread he feels. He's trying to keep a calm face, but Brooke suddenly takes my hand in hers, so he knows that she must notice that he's far from being calm.

"It's time, James." Doctor Barlow says as he walks into the room with Mama Knight, Katie, and the guys. "I thought that you would want your friends with you, so I went to the cafeteria and got them for you."

"Thanks." James whispers. "How long is this gonna take?"

"For you, I'd say four hours." Doctor Barlow says while Chelsea starts replacing the pre medication with the chemotherapy itself. James closes his eyes and allows Brooke to stroke the back of his hand with her thumb.

"All done." Chelsea smiles. "We'll come back and check on you in a little bit."

Then they leave. James slowly opens his eyes and stares at the IV. Next thing he knows, Brooke lays next to him and wraps her arm around his shoulders. He rests his head on her shoulder and waits for the horrible side effects to begin.

* * *

><p><strong>Review! :D<strong>


	6. Suffering

An hour has passed since Brooke's precious baby boy started the chemo and he's fast asleep. She can't begin to describe how afraid she is. James shouldn't be going through this. Brooke has taken care of him when he had the flu or a cold, but she has never dealt with cancer. How did he get cancer anyway? As far as Brooke knows, he hasn't done anything that would cause leukemia. Then again, maybe it just happened. Sometimes cancer can strike people when it's least expected.

She reaches for his hand and strokes the back of it with her thumb. Seeing him in this bed with an needle in his arm hurts her. She doesn't understand. Why James? Why did her son have to get such a horrible disease? He's a good boy. He cares deeply for his friends and family, so she doesn't understand why a person like him would get cancer.

She touches his cheek, caressing it with her thumb. To her surprise, his eyes start to open. She hopes she didn't wake him up. She was kind of hoping that he would sleep through it, but she supposes that it's probably hard to sleep through something so uncomfortable. Oh no, he's got that painful look on his face. You know, the one that indicates that he's about to throw up.

She quickly hands the basin to him and he throws up, coughing and gagging. She sits on the bed and rub his back, while using her free hand to hold his. She can't stand this. Not because it hurts her, but because of what it's doing to him. Her son is her life and that's why she and Samuel chose to move to LA to be with him. Well, Brooke chose it. Samuel, on the other hand, seemed uncertain. It's not that he doesn't love James. Brooke knows he does. He just has a hard time expressing emotions. He's been even more aloof since James was diagnosed. Inside, Brooke knows that the situation is killing him. He just doesn't wanna show it.

James gasps as he lays back down, groaning softly. Brooke gives him a gentle smile and carry the basin to the bathroom. She closes the door and starts to clean the basin, but as soon as she looks in the mirror, she lets all her emotions out. She sits the basin down and slides her back down the wall, sobbing.

* * *

><p>Logan doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know if he can set foot in James's room. This is one of his best friends they're talking about! He's suffering from a disease that could eventually kill him. Logan just doesn't know if he can walk into that room and watch while James suffers. He's fighting for his life. Logan never thought that this would ever happen to one of them.<p>

But he finally sucks it up, pushing the door open and entering the quiet room. He can tell that James feels bad. He has the most miserable look on his face. Logan can hear sobbing coming from the bathroom and it sounds like James's mom. He definitely feels for her. It must hurt to have a child with cancer.

"Hey." James says weakly.

"Hey." Logan responds, sitting in the chair by his bed. He looks at everything but James. It's too frightening to keep his eyes on James while he's experiencing so much discomfort.

"Logan, what's going on with you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't act like you don't know." James says sternly. "You haven't been the same since...you know. I mean, I don't know what you're thinking, man. Kendall and Carlos are both upset about it, but I haven't seen much of a reaction from you. I want to know what's going on with you, buddy."

Why does he insist on doing this? Logan doesn't wanna talk about the reasons for his strange behavior. He know James is worried about him and he's sorry about that, but he just doesn't feel like talking. Logan should be the least of James's concerns.

"I'm fine." Logan lies, flinching as James's squeezes his shoulder. He's pushing Logan too hard. Logan know that he means well, but he doesn't like it.

"Come here." He says softly.

He sounds so...sad. How can Logan say no to him? So he crawls onto the bed and stares at James for a moment, frowning as two arms wrap around him. He buries his face in James's shoulder and the tears start falling.

* * *

><p>Kendall wonders how James is doing. He left about fifteen minutes ago so James could have some peace and quiet. Apparently, the chemo was starting to get to him and he really just wanted less people in the room. His mom stayed just in case he got sick and needed someone to hand him the basin that the hospital provided for him. To keep himself from being completely bored, Kendall has been exploring the rest of the hospital. Now he's back in the Cancer Ward.<p>

"Hey, how's James doing?" Carlos asks as he walks over to Kendall. He was talking to the nice lady at the receptionist desk. He's holding a pamphlet with information about Leukemia. At least, that's what it looks like.

"I'm about to find out." Kendall says, slowly opening the door to James's room. He is surprised to see Logan wrapped in his arms, shaking slightly. James gives Kendall and Carlos a sad smile and gives Logan a squeeze, patting his back.

"What's wrong with Logan?" Carlos asks worriedly.

"He's fine." James says, finally letting Logan go. "Just a little upset."

"Honey, I cleaned out the basin for you." James's mom says as she leaves the restroom, holding the basin. She sits it on the table next to the bed, then reaches for James's hand. It looks like she has been crying. When is some happiness gonna come along? All they've done these past few days is either cry or not talk at all.

"Thanks, mama."  
>Logan gets off the bed and starts to walk toward the door, but Kendall places a hand on his shoulder, looking at him with concern. But he just shakes Kendall's hand off and leaves. Kendall is so tempted to follow him, but he doesn't wanna leave James either.<p>

"Where's Dad?" James croaks. Kendall feel himself tense up at the mention of James's father. Samuel didn't abandon James, the man is still married to James's mom, yet he and James don't seem very close. He seems awfully indifferent, even though he could end up losing his son. Doesn't he care at all? If Kendall were him, he would be a wreck right now.

"He's in the cafeteria." Mrs. Diamond says gently, stroking his cheek.

"Mmm," He moans. "I think I'm gonna be sick again."

"Here." Mrs. Diamond says, handing the basin back to him. He vomits into it, while Carlos rushes to his side and rubs his back and Mrs. Diamond strokes his hair. They both whisper words of comfort to him, but Kendall feels like his feet are glued to the ground. Kendall has never seen him throw up like that before. Yeah, he has seen him sick a few times, but that's nothing compared to this.

"Um, I-" Kendall stammers. "C-Carlos? Could you check on Logan and see if he's okay?"

Carlos nods silently and gives James a gentle hug before disappearing from their sight. Kendall is rather hesitant about this, but he's finally able to make his way to James's bedside and wrap his arm around James's shoulders, comforting him the best he can.

* * *

><p>Logan...Carlos has gotta find Logan. Where is he? One minute, he's crying in James's arms, then he just left. All Carlos sees are a bunch of nurses, doctors, and people visiting other patients, but he doesn't see Logan. And to think that Carlos use to think Logan was no good at hide and seek! Yeah, he use to hide under the table, so it was not that hard to find him. Why does he choose now to be so impossible to look for?<p>

Maybe he's downstairs in the lobby? That's the only other place Carlos can think of. So he presses the down button on the elevator and anxiously wait for the doors to open. Ugh, this thing is taking too long. Wait...Hey, it opened! He eagerly steps into the elevator and press the first floor button, looking up at the floor indicator screen. Finally, the doors open again and he leaves the elevator, walking toward the lobby. Sure enough, Logan is there, but he's not alone. Devonne is sitting next to him. He looks like he has been crying more since he left James's room.

Devonne rests her hand on his shoulder and talks to him in a calming voice. Another tear slides down his cheek and, much to my surprise, Devonne wipes it away for him. What is going on? It's sweet that she's comforting him, but still. He wouldn't talk to Carlos yesterday, but he'll pour his heart out to a complete stranger? Is it okay for Carlos to feel just a tiny bit jealous?

"Hey, Carlos!" Devonne smiles, waving at him. He walks toward them and sit on the other side of Logan, watching him closely.

"You about to get off work?" He asks her. She's just wearing jeans, a pink T shirt, and a white cardigan, rather than than the khaki pants and polo shirt they usually see her wearing.

"Yeah, I have class in thirty minutes." She says. "I just thought I would stop by since James was suppose to start chemo today."

She gets up and grabs her purse off the floor.

"Take care, guys." She smiles. "And give James a hug for me."

"We will." Logan says quietly.

"Let me know if you guys need anything." Devonne tells them. "I gave Logan my phone number just in case. Plus, I want you guys to call me and give me updates on James. I mean, I'm sure I'll be seeing him again, but whenever he's not in the hospital, I want you guys to call me and let me know how he's doing."

"Uh huh." Carlos says suspiciously. Devonne doesn't seem to notice. She just smiles and gives them a wave before walking out the door. "Dude, you got her number?"

"It's not like I asked for it." Logan mutters. "She just wrote it down and said to give her a call if I needed to talk."

"Mmm hmm." Carlos shrugs.

"Don't be immature." Logan says as he stands up, waiting for Carlos to join him. "Besides, I don't think she would be interested in some guy in high school."

"Who says?" Carlos retorts as they walk toward the elevator. Logan seems a bit annoyed, so Carlos is quick to shut up. Logan is nice most of the time, but if he's in a bad mood and someone bothers him, he'll eventually snap. Yep, Carlos will have to make fun of him when he's in a better mood.

* * *

><p>James never realized how horrible chemotherapy is until he actually experienced it himself. Now that he has, he can honestly say that he hates it. His stomach hurts, he feels nauseous, he feels tired, and he has a headache. He can't believe that he's gonna have to do this over and over again? He wants go home and sleep in his own bed.<p>

"James, how are you feeling?" Mama Knight asks as she and Katie walk into his room. How is he feeling? He would love to list all the things that are wrong, but the last thing he wants is to sound whiny. They're already taking time out of their day to drive him to and from his chemotherapy sessions, so he doesn't wanna sound ungrateful.

Instead, he whimpers and look at her, coughing quietly.

"Oh, honey, do you think you're gonna be sick?" She asks worriedly, pushing his bangs away from his face. He shakes his head in response. No, he doesn't feel like throwing up. He just feels bad. He feels like sleeping the rest of the day away.

"No." He says softly. "Just sleepy."

"Well, why don't you get some rest? You look like you need it."

"You know, everyone else has got to hug you, but I haven't." Katie mentions. He chuckles at that, even though it's a very quiet and weak chuckle.

"Come here, Katie bear." He says, holding out his arm that doesn't have the IV in it. Katie walks around to the other side of his bed and crawls next to him, while he smiles and wraps his arm around her.

"Oh, this is too cute!" Mama Knight squeals, taking a camera out of her purse. James laughs softly and shakes his head, cringing as his nausea flares up. It finally goes away and Mama Knight snaps the picture of James and Katie.

"I can't believe you brought a camera, Mom."

"I always have my camera with me!"

"Yeah, that's weird."

"No, it's not!"

"Hey, as hilarious as this is, I'm really tired and I would really appreciate some peace and quiet." James tells them, sinking back into his pillows.

"Oh," Mama Knight says, putting her camera away. "Okay."

"Thanks." James whispers before drifting off to sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>I love that I started writing this before I posted it;) Why? Triple updates! :O<strong>

**Anyway, I'm gonna study for a little bit, then I'm gonna work on another chapter of Living A Double Life:D**

**Review! :D**


	7. The End Of The First Round

Three hours later, James is still going at it, but he should be done any minute. He feels miserable because he's just in so much pain. He's so tired and all he wants is to go home and sleep in his own comfy bed. Is this what his life is gonna be like from now on? Constantly going back and forth between home and the hospital. He hates having that needle in his arm and he hates that he's gonna be doing this every two weeks. This first session has been a nightmare for him. He has never felt so sick in his entire life.

He groans as he looks around, frowning at the lack of company. He's completely alone at the moment. When he announced that he was tired and wanted to rest, everyone said that they would be in the waiting room. Well, now he kind of wants some people to come back and talk to him. Maybe talking about something else will distract him from his discomfort.

He whimpers and looks toward the doorway, waiting for someone to enter. He's tired, bored, _and _lonely. He doesn't like it at all. He almost feels like crying due to the exhaustion and nausea, but he won't. He's trying to stay strong so he doesn't worry anyone more than they already are. Logan tried being the strong for a while, but he just couldn't do it. James doesn't know why his friend thought he had to be strong for them. He has been worried about Logan for days and when he finally broke down in James's arms, James's heart was so close to breaking.

He would try to grab his iPod off the over bed table, but he's too weak. Luckily, someone knocks on the door. He quietly murmurs for them to come in. Kendall, Carlos, Logan, Mama Knight, Katie, and his parents walk into the room, sympathy written on their faces. He gives them a soft smile as they approach his bedside. He's so grateful to have family and friends that would stay at the hospital with him for four whole hours, even though it's most likely very boring to all of them.

"Doctor Barlow and Chelsea will be back in a few minutes to take your IV out." Brooke says gently, squeezing his hand. He stares at her in silence, closing his eyes as she plays with his hair. He'll be saying goodbye to that in a few weeks. Pretty soon, there won't be any hair to touch.

"James, how are you feeling?" Doctor Barlow asks as he walks into the room with Chelsea following close behind. James whimpers in response, letting his mom hold his hand. "Well, you're done for now! Chelsea will take your IV out, then you can just relax. If you decide you're hungry, just call hospital room service and they'll bring you something."  
>"Great." James mutters as he holds his arm out to Chelsea.<p>

"You know, Devonne gave Logan her phone number." Carlos says, noticing the awkward silence in the room.

"Oh really?" James chuckles weakly.

"Yep, Logie got an older woman's phone number." Kendall teases, throwing his arm around Logan's shoulders. Logan rolls his eyes and slowly shakes Kendall's arm off of his shoulders.

"Devonne is a very nice girl." Doctor Barlow tells them. "Smart too."

"Nice and smart? Sounds like Logan's perfect match." James grins.

Logan sighs and shakes his head. Normally, he would continue arguing that he does not have a crush on Devonne, but James is sick. Logan figures that it won't hurt to let James laugh at his expense. At least he's laughing.

"All done, sweetie!" Chelsea says, placing a band aid over the place where the IV use to be.

"James, I'm gonna let you rest. Let me know if you need anything." Doctor Barlow says before he and Chelsea both turn around and leave.

"I seriously have to do that again?" He groans.

"I'm afraid so, honey." Mama Knight says softly. Just looking at him is frightening. This is not the James that is always singing, obsessing over hair care products, and bragging about his latest girlfriend. He almost reminds Mama Knight of a small child. He looks so scared and innocent.

"Hey, you can sleep if you want." Brooke tells him, leaning over to kiss his cheek. Before she can say anything else, he's out like a light.

* * *

><p>"Samuel, you didn't say a word to him." Brooke says as she follows her husband down the hallway. She has tried to ignore her husband's distant behavior, but she can't do it anymore. She is tired of watching him ignore James, especially when James is going through such a hard time. He needs support from both of them, not just Brooke.<p>

"Well, what do you want me to say?" Samuel asks her, turning around. "Brooke, I don't know how to be a father, okay? When you got pregnant, I was not ready for a kid! I supported you through the whole nine months, but I wasn't ready to be a parent! I know that I should have been a better father to him, but I can't! You think I don't feel bad that my son is sick? I do! But I wasn't prepared for any of this parenting stuff, so I have no idea how to handle this!"

"Samuel-"

"Look, just tell him that I'll talk to him later." Samuel says before walking toward the elevator, looking Brooke alone in the nearly empty hallway.

* * *

><p>Kendall, Carlos, and Logan quietly sit by James's bedside, watching their sleeping friend. They always heard that chemotherapy was uncomfortable, but they never realized how bad it is until they saw James go through it. For four hours, he was so sick and just plain miserable. While they watch him sleep, they silently think about memories of James before he got sick. Kendall remembers when they were fifteen and James was dating this girl named Melanie. She was one of those girls that every guy wanted to date. James got to be that lucky guy. Well, he asked her on a date to the movies and she told him that she was busy that night. James was disappointed, but he decided to see the movie anyway. He went to the theater and he saw Melanie kissing another guy. Kendall watching TV when James called him, nearly in tears as he told Kendall what happened. He dumped Melanie the next day at school. That was James's first broken heart.<p>

Carlos is thinking about something that happened during a dance practice a few weeks ago. It should have been an indication that something was wrong. They were just learning a dance to one of their new songs and as James was about to attempt one of the more...complicated moves, he just collapsed. He wasn't completely unconscious, but it was like he was too weak to stay standing. Kendall and Logan both convinced Gustavo to let them go home for the day and when they finally got back to the apartment, James went to bed. He didn't want anything to eat, he didn't wanna play any video games, he didn't wanna do anything but sleep. Yet they all thought nothing of it. They just assumed that he was coming down with the flu or some other minor illness.

Logan is just thinking about the past few months and how he should have noticed that something wasn't right. He's the one that wanted to go to medical school, he reads all the medical books, so how did he not notice that something was seriously wrong with James? He should have been paying more attention. He should have done something. Even if he had done anything, James would still have cancer, but still! Maybe he wouldn't feel as guilty as he does right now. Yeah, he blames himself for all this and there's a small part of him that knows he shouldn't do that, but he can't help it. He's the brains of the group and he really should have noticed that something was seriously wrong.

By now, James is starting to stir awake. He definitely feels better than before, but he's feeling far from perfect. But he's really more concerned about his friends. As he looks at the three boys sitting by his bed, his hazel eyes fill with concern. What can he do to make them feel better? He hates to see them hurting. Truthfully, they look like they could use some rest.

"You guys okay?" He asks softly.

"Jay, we're fine." Carlos says, even though it's obvious that he's lying. "Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm good." James smiles gently.

"Do you want anything to eat?" Kendall questions him.

James feels nauseous just thinking about food. There's no way that he can handle eating right now.  
>"Maybe later." He murmurs. "Hey, could you get my bag for me?"<p>

"This one?" Kendall says, reaching for James's red and white gym bag. James nods and gratefully accepts the bag, looking for his lime green iPod. He puts his headphones on and looks through the list of songs, searching for something calm and relaxing. He finally chooses "I Won't Give Up," a song that BTR performed for the tour. He closes his eyes and concentrates on the music, relaxing every muscle in his body.

"Jay, do you want us to leave for a while?" Carlos asks him. James looks at him and sighs, shaking his head.

"No, don't leave." He says softly, running his fingers through his hair.  
>"If you want to left alone, you can tell us." Kendall insists gently. "We won't be offended."<p>

"I really don't want you guys to leave."

"Okay." Carlos says quietly.

Brooke appears in the doorway, giving her son a sad smile. James grins weakly, waving at her.

"Hi, baby." Brooke says sweetly as she approaches the bed. "Are you feeling better?"

"A little." James sighs, yawning. But he suddenly feels pain in his stomach, slowly sitting up and getting a pained look on his face. Brooke quickly crawls onto the bed and wraps one arm around him while her free hand holds his. She shushes him softly and whispers comforting words to him.

"What's wrong with him?" Carlos asks anxiously.

"It's just stomach pain." Brooke says, rubbing James's back. "It's another side effect from the chemo."

James squeezes his eyes shut in pain, whimpering softly. Brooke continues whispering in his ear until his pain slowly fades away, then she lowers him back onto the bed. She strokes his face and his eyes begin closing until he's fast asleep.

If they thought their hearts were breaking before, now they feel even worse.

* * *

><p>"Boys, visiting hours are over." A nurse tells the guys just a few hours later. Kendall's eyes were on James, but he looks up when he hears the nurse's voice. He frowns as he looks at Carlos and Logan, who also have no interest in leaving. Unfortunately, if they refuse to leave, there's a possibility that they may be dragged out.<p>

"Just let us say goodbye to our friend first." Carlos pleads.

"Don't take too long." The nurse says before disappearing from their sight. The three boys look at their sleeping friend.

"Take care, buddy." Kendall whispers, patting James's arm. But James never stirs, exhausted from the day's events. Then Carlos reaches for his hand, giving it a squeeze. Logan places his hand on James's shoulder, squeezing it.

"Bye." They murmur before following Kendall out the door.

* * *

><p><strong>I'll post chapter seven and eight today, then I'll have to write more chapters:) Since I already update Living A Double Life daily, I can't promise that I'll update Unbroken every day, but it will be more than once a week:) <strong>

**Review! :D**


	8. Home

"Ready to go home, honey?" Brooke asks, giving James a hug.

"Yeah." James says softly. His mom just finished signing him out of the hospital and now he can finally go home. He's so tired, though. To be honest, he doesn't feel like standing up and walking all the way to the car, so he's really glad that his mom is taking him to the car in a wheelchair. He hates chemo. He has only had one treatment, but he feels awful. He's tired, weak, nauseous, and just pain sick. He's starting to accept his new normal, but he'll never be okay with it. He has never felt so bad before. He has been sick, but never this sick. He just wants to go home and sleep in his own bed. Or maybe on the couch. He doesn't really wanna be alone while everyone else is minding their own business. Even if he falls asleep, which he probably will, he would like to be where there will be someone to keep him company.

"The guys asked me to pick you up while they get the apartment ready for you." Brooke says as she helps him out of the chair, carefully lowering him into the wheelchair. She kneels in front of him and places her hand over his cheek, gently forcing him to look at her. He can barely keep his head up on his own, so he has to use his hand as support. His elbow rests against the arm of the wheelchair and his hand keeps his head up, while his eyes begin closing. He moans softly, barely noticing when his mom whispers a gentle "It's okay." Yeah, it's not okay. Nothing is okay right now. Everything is so far from being okay. He feels awful and he can't stand it.

"Hey, James is going home?" Devonne asks Brooke, who nods in response. "How did his first session go?"

"It was pretty rough." Brooke says, rubbing James's shoulder. She feels so bad for her sick boy. She just wants to hold him and assure him that everything is gonna get better. But what if it doesn't get better? What if it gets worse? Chemotherapy is really gonna take it's toll on James. She knows that, but she prays every night that he'll beat this horrible disease.

"Yeah," Devonne says sympathetically, kneeling in front of James. "Hey, those movies I left with you yesterday? Why don't you take them home with you? I know you won't be able to leave the apartment a lot, so you might want something to keep you busy. You know, when you're not sleeping."

James opens his eyes and gives her a tired look, thanking her quietly. She smiles, places the DVD's in his hands, and squeezes his hand before standing up and walking past them.

As Brooke pushes him outside, he opens his eyes. He smiles softly at the cool breeze lightly hitting his skin. One of the many things he loves about Los Angeles is the weather. It's sunny all the time and he loves sunlight. He probably won't be able to go out very much due to his condition, which is disappointing because he loves the outdoors.

"Mom, what am I suppose to do when I get home?"

"Rest." Brooke says as she helps him out of the chair. He gets into the front passengers seat and waits for his mom to take the wheelchair back into the hospital. He rests his head against the window and lets a tear fall down his cheek, frustrated when more begin falling. He doesn't bother stopping them because it actually feels good to cry. He tries to hold everything in, but he just can't do it. He needs to let it all out.

He reclines the seat back and fixes the green pull over hat that he's wearing. He hasn't really been interested in obsessing over his appearance lately. Today, he just got his mom to bring him some jeans, some grey and black plaid button up shirt, his black zip up hoodie, and his glasses. He would rather be comfortable right now. He's really in no mood to actually care how he looks.

He starts drifting off to sleep, but he's woken up when he feels the car moving. He opens his eyes only slightly, turning his head toward his mom. For a moment, he just watches her. She seems much different than the last time she visited. She's still as beautiful as ever, but her stress and exhaustion is evident on her face. Finally, James breaks the uncomfortable silence.

"I'm sorry."

"Oh, honey, you have nothing to be sorry for." Brooke says gently.

"But-"

"I'm serious, James." Brooke says sternly. "You don't need to be sorry for anything."

* * *

><p>"You're home!" Brooke says with false cheer, getting out of the car. She eagerly walks around to the passengers side, opening James's door. She starts to help him, but when he gives her a look, she reluctantly pulls her hands back. He doesn't know why everyone is treating him so differently. They all try to help him with everything and it's making him feel uncomfortable.<p>

"I'm fine." He says, looking around the parking lot. There's a lot of cars gone today and he's assuming that many of them are at auditions, filming, and interviews. Since the Palm Woods is the home of the future famous, most of the residents are singers and actors.

"Remember that you have to rest, we all have to use a separate toilet, you must wash your hands thoroughly, your clothes will be washed separately from everyone else's, avoid sick people, no large crowds, and please try not to hurt yourself. "

James holds back a frustrated groan. His mom is gonna go overboard with this whole thing. He knows about the precautions and he's gonna follow them, but he probably won't be able to do anything without someone interfering.

He's grateful that she parked close to the entrance, though. He's much too tired to walk all the way from some far away parking space.

The doors open and they make their way into the lobby. James gives Guitar Dude and Lucy an halfhearted wave. They are just two of the few people that know James's secret. He's determined to keep this a secret as long as he can, so he only allowed the guys to tell a few trusted people. That does not include the Jennifers, who happen to love gossip.

"You look exhausted." Brooke says once they're in the elevator. " But you're still my handsome boy."

James smiles weakly and leans against the wall. Brooke watches the floor indicator screen, lost in thought. She hates that for more than two years, she hasn't been able to spend as much time with her son. She wanted him to follow his dream because she knows how much he wanted it. Whenever he's onstage, he seems so happy and Brooke loves that, but now he's fighting for his life and she's worried that if he loses that fight, she'll have missed out on two years of his life. He could die and she'll have to spend the rest of her life wondering what they could have done in those two years. Since he moved to LA, she has only visited him maybe three or four times.

The elevator finally dings and the doors leave the elevator and begin walking down the hallway. Then they arrive at 2J and Brooke pushes the door open. She gently rubs James's back, but he doesn't respond to the gesture.

"Hey, you're here!" Mama Knight says, giving James a hug. "Sweetie, go and lay on the couch. Didn't the doctor say that you need to rest?"

"Yeah." James says as he grabs a blanket and lies down on the couch. This has been a long week and all he wants is to sleep. It's weird because he has slept a bunch since yesterday. Maybe a side effect of chemo? He has heard that cancer patients can sleep a lot yet still be tired. He and Devonne talked about it this morning. She said that she would sleep all day yet it never seemed to be enough. Is that what's happening to James?

* * *

><p>Logan hears Kendall and Carlos standing outside the door, whispering, either about him or James. He would prefer if they were talking about James. He doesn't understand why they would be discussing him. So maybe he has been a little down, but why does that matter? James has cancer and Logan wasn't smart enough to figure it out. If he had been paying attention, they could have gotten James help sooner.<p>

He sniffles and hugs the stuffed panda in his arms. His friends are the only ones that know that he still likes to cuddle the plush toy when he's upset. He got it when he was a small child and he still finds comfort in it. He needs comfort right now, but he can't ask for any from anyone because he's too busy wallowing in guilt. James only has between 75 and 89 percent chance of survival and Logan just wonders if those numbers would be higher if they had gotten him to the hospital sooner than they did. If James dies, it might be Logan's fault. How is he gonna live with that?

"Carlos, that's ridiculous." Kendall whispers. "We're all depressed!"

"But I'm really worried about him." Carlos whimpers. Logan looks toward the door and takes a shaky breath, his eyes puffy and bloodshot from crying so much. Is Carlos about to cry? _No, no...Don't cry, _Logan thinks to himself. Why is he so terrible? He feels terrible for worrying Carlos so much. Is he really a terrible friend? Because he certainly feels like it.

"Let's just talk to him." Kendall whispers. The door is slowly pushes open and Logan quickly hides the stuffed panda under the covers. The panda would be a definite give away because Kendall, James, and Carlos all know that he only cuddles the stuffed animal when he's really upset.

"Can we talk?" Carlos asks quietly, his voice cracking.

"About what?" Logan asks quietly, rubbing the back of his neck. He finds himself hoping that this conversation won't last long. He's already staring to feel uncomfortable.

"You." Kendall says, sitting next to him. "And James?"

"Speaking of James, I wanna go and see how he's doing." Logan says as he starts to stand up. But Kendall grabs his arm and forces him to sit back down.

"Kendall, let me go!" He growls, trying to get away.

"No." Kendall says sternly, wrapping his arm around Logan's shoulders. "Carlos and I wanna know what's going on. We talked to James and even he's still worried about you. We are all worried about you. We thought you would feel better after you had that little emotional breakdown yesterday, but you're still a wreck. We're not letting you go anywhere until you talk."

"Then you're gonna be sitting here for a long time." Logan retorts, crossing his arms.

"Kendall, let's just leave him alone." Carlos mumbles, walking to the door. "If he doesn't wanna talk to us, we shouldn't force him."

Kendall looks at Logan, then he looks at Carlos. Logan needs to talk eventually. If he just keeps holding it in, he's gonna end up having a complete meltdown. Kendall is very reluctant to allow Logan to just stay in this room all day and not talk to anyone because he has a really bad feeling about it.

"Fine." He sighs before following Carlos out of the room, leaving Logan all alone.

* * *

><p>"Jay, don't you wanna sleep in your bed?" Kendall asks in concern, looking at his exhausted best friend. James has been laying on the bright orange couch all day and he hasn't eaten anything all day. It's obvious that the chemo is already affecting him.<p>

"Yeah." James says quietly, wincing as he sits up. Kendall rushes to his side and grabs a hold of him, supporting him. He can sense that James is a bit annoyed, but he just doesn't want James to overexert himself. Doctor Barlow warned them about that.

"Hey, what's wrong with Logan?" James asks as Kendall helps him over to his bed. "I know you guys were gonna talk to him and when you come back out, you and Carlos both looked kind of frustrated."

"We talk about it tomorrow, buddy." Kendall whispers, pulling the covers over the tired boy. "Just get some sleep."

"Okay." James sighs as he rolls onto his side, letting his eyes close. Before Kendall knows it, his friend is fast asleep. Wiping his tear filled eyes, he leaves the room.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, as I said in the last chapter, I may not update this daily since I already do that for my other story, but it will still be updated often:) More than once a week:)<strong>

**Review! :D**


	9. Slowly Breaking

Deep down, Camille knows the truth. She knows that Logan wasn't lying to her, but she's just pretending that he's lying because she doesn't wanna believe it. James has cancer? He started chemo, but that doesn't guarantee survival. Chemo doesn't always work. She has heard of people that have had cancer and did chemotherapy, but their bodies stopped responding. What if that happens to James? He's one of her closest friends and she would hate to lose him. All she does at night is pray that he'll come out of this as a survivor, not another one of the millions of people that die from cancer each year. She can't believe that this is happening. All she wants is to wake up and find out that this was just a dream.

She's standing in front of the door to 2J. She really wanted Lucy to come with her, but she had to come alone because Lucy is recording material for her next album. She's nervous because she doesn't wanna confront the fact that James truly has cancer, but she really does wanna see him. She wants him to know that she's still there for him whenever he needs her. She never wants him to feel like she's abandoning him just because of his illness. The last thing he needs is to feel like people are ditching him because he's sick.

She reluctantly pushes the door open and walks into the apartment, flinching when she hears the sound of someone throwing up. The chemo must be making James really sick. Maybe she should just turn around and leave. The guys probably won't wanna see her anyway, since she accused them of lying.

"Camille? What are you doing here?" Logan asks her.

"I just wanted to see James." Camille says softly. "How is he?"

"He's currently in the restroom, throwing up." Logan mutters, looking at the restroom door. Camille sighs quietly and walks through the kitchen, approaching the restroom. She slowly pushes it open and her heart shatters at the sight in front of her. James, on his knees in front of the toilet, with Kendall rubbing his back and whispering to him.

"Just relax, buddy." Kendall whispers to the sick boy. Finally, James is unable to throw up anymore and he falls back into Kendall's arms, whimpering softly. Logan walks past Camille and over to the toilet, flushing it while Kendall comforts James. Then he kneels next to them and rubs James's back, talking to him like Kendall is doing.

Camille is in shock. She feels like running out of the apartment right now and not coming back because she cannot stand to see James so sick, but he needs to know that all his friends support him.

"Let's get you to the couch." Carlos says as he, Kendall, and Logan help James stand up. All four boys ignore Camille as they leave the restroom and walk toward the living room. It hurts her to know that they are still angry with her. Of course, she would probably be angry too if she were them. After all, they told her something serious and she accused them of lying to her.

They help James onto the couch and Carlos places a pillow under his head, while Kendall lays a blanket over his tired body. Finally, Camille can't take it anymore. She turns around and runs out of the apartment as fast as she can.

"Um, I think I'm gonna lay down for a while." Logan says softly, giving James's hand a squeeze before walking to his room. James frowns and looks at Kendall and Carlos, who are both trying not to look worried. He can see right through it, though. He knows that they're worried about Logan. He's worried about Logan too. It's not hard to see that their friend is struggling.

"I don't feel good." He says softly, rolling onto his side.

"We know, buddy." Carlos says softly. "Just try to get some rest."

"Okay." James says weakly, closing his eyes. Carlos looks at James with tears in his eyes, shaking slightly. He's so close to losing complete control of his emotions. How did things get so bad in just a matter of days? He doesn't like change. He wants to go to Rocque Records and record new songs, perform for sold out crowds, sign autographs, but most of all, he wants James to be okay.

"Let's give James some peace and quiet." Kendall says, leading him toward his and Logan's room. They find Logan laying under the covers, his body shaking. Kendall and Carlos look at each other, then sit on their friend's bed. They are surprised when Logan wipes his tears away and sits up, attempting to avoid letting them know that he was crying.

"Okay, this has gotta stop." Carlos says quietly. "Logan, we know that you're hurting. We all are, but we don't try to go around acting like we're okay when we're not."

"Why are you so concerned about me?" Logan snaps as he stands up. "I don't deserve it."

"Logan, what are you-" Kendall stammers.

"If it wasn't for me, James would have a higher chance of survival." Logan says quietly. "If he dies, it'll be my fault."

They don't get a chance to say anything else. Before they can, he leaves the room and storms out of the apartment.

* * *

><p>Logan needs to find a quiet place that no one would ever suspect because he does not want to be bothered right now. He can't go to the rooftop because a lot people go there, so he doesn't know where he can go to get some alone time. Maybe he should just call Devonne. After all, she did say to call her if he ever needed to talk.<p>

He dials Devonne's phone number and anxiously waits for her to pick up. He slides his back down the wall until he's sitting on the floor, relieved when someone picks up. He hopes that it's Devonne. Why does he feel more comfortable talking to a stranger than his own best friends? He just feels too guilty to actually let them know how he feels. He feels like he made everything worse by not recognizing James's symptoms and he doesn't feel like he deserves their support. Anyway, James should be the one they're worried about. He's not about to bother them with his problems.

_"Hello?" _

"Devonne? Hey, it's Logan."

_"Hey! How's James?"_

Logan almost wants to cry when he hears that name.

"Um, he's pretty worn out." He says quietly. "And he got sick a few minutes ago."

_"Did you guys give him his anti nausea meds? Because they're suppose to help."_

"Ugh, we forgot." Logan says, visibly frustrated.

_"Well, you need to do it. When I was going through chemo, the meds really helped."_

"We really just forgot." Logan says softly. "Everything has been so crazy lately and I-"

_"Hey, I understand." _Devonne says, her voice full of understanding. Then there's what sounds like arguing in the background. _"Hold on...Anna, Brittany, what are you two doing...I'm talking on the phone...Look, if you're gonna argue, don't do it in here...thank you...Sorry, Logan, those were my sisters. I'm at my parents house and these two are fighting again."_

"Hey, it's fine." Logan says.  
><em>"How are you?"<em>

"Tired."

_"Well, you need to relax. I know all this is hard on you, but too much stress isn't good for anyone. Go to the pool or something."_

"Yeah," Logan agrees. "I guess I could do that."

_"I'll talk to you later, okay?"_

"Okay." Logan murmurs, sighing softly as Devonne hangs up. This is so frustrating. He hates complaining, but there's so much to complain about. How can he resist? It's not easy to be optimistic when so much is going wrong.

He wishes that it would get better.

* * *

><p>"You feeling okay, bud?" Kendall asks James, his heart sinking when the boy shakes his head. "Hey, we forgot to give you your anti nausea meds."<p>

"Okay." James says as he starts to push himself up.

"No, don't move." Carlos insists, handing the pills and glass of water to him. Murmuring a quiet thanks, James swallows the pills and rinses them down with the water. Then, with a pained groan, he lays back down. He hopes that the meds will help because he feels awful. Doctor Barlow said that it would probably get better in three or four days. Well, James can't wait.

"Do you wanna watch a movie?" Carlos asks hopefully. He frowns when James shakes his head. He feels bad that James isn't in the mood to do anything fun. James can't help it, so Carlos isn't mad. It just hurts that he's losing his friend.

"Carlitos, let's get a snack." Kendall says as he wraps his arm around Carlos's shoulders, leading the boy out of the living room. Carlos is almost in tears and Kendall understands why. They're all hurting, but Kendall thinks that they should just focus on being there for James. They shouldn't let him see them so upset.

"Just look at him!" Carlos says tearfully.

"I know." Kendall says, pulling him into a hug. His eyes just happen to land on the restroom door, watching as it opens and Logan steps out. He's been trying to figure out what's been going on with Logan and he really has no idea. He can't possibly know because Logan won't tell him anything.

But when he looks into Logan's eyes, he can see the hurt.

"Come here." He says softly, holding one arm out to Logan.

Logan is hesitant, but he finally lets Kendall pull him into the group hug.

* * *

><p>"Are the guys still mad at you?" Lucy asks as she and Camille relax on her couch.<p>

"Sadly, they are." Camille mumbles, reaching for a pizza bagel off the plate. The guys are all she can think about. Why are they still acting so cold toward her? When she visited 2J earlier, they didn't seem very interested in acknowledging her. She understands that James is sick and they were taking care of him, but they were acting rather cold toward her.

"Just apologize to them." Lucy suggests. She doesn't really know what happened between Camille and the guys. All she knows is that Camille was talking to them, said something that peeved them all off, and James stormed out of the hotel. She would ask, but she doesn't really wanna rub it in.

"I would, but I don't think they would listen." Camille tells her.

"I can make them listen to you." Lucy responds.

"Shut up." Camille says with a small laugh.

"I'm just saying." Lucy mumbles, eating another pizza roll. Camille laughs again. Her best friend is too crazy, but she doesn't mind at all. Lucy just wouldn't be herself if she wasn't a little on the crazy side. Besides, Camille is grateful to have a friend that cares so much.

* * *

><p><strong>My internet was being stupid todayX( But now it's working again! :D<strong>

**Review! :D**


	10. The Pressure Is Building

Four days have passed and James is starting to feel a little better. Well, he's still not feeling great, but he doesn't feel awful. He's got some bone pain and he can't walk around too much. He's not sleeping as much, though. He even found enough strength to play some video games with Carlos this morning. Now he's just sitting on the couch with a small bowl of soup. It looks good, but he's afraid that it's gonna make him throw up. However, he did take his anti nausea medication this morning and Mama Knight said that it'll control the sickness.

He reluctantly lifts the spoon to his lips, taking a small sip. He takes another and then another and in twenty more minutes, the bowl is completely empty. He looks around and sees that there's no one else around. He slowly stands up and starts walking toward the kitchen. He doesn't have to sit around just because he's sick. He wants everything to stay as normal as possible, which means that he's gonna try to be as active as he can. He won't be going to the gym anytime soon, but simple things like putting his own dishes in the sink aren't really a big deal. He wants to do something.

"James? Honey, what are you doing?" Mama Knight asks as she leaves the restroom. "You need to be resting."

"I can do it." James says, sitting the bowl and spoon in the sink. "I'm feeling a little better."  
>"Sweetie, you were complaining about your bones hurting." Mama Knight says as she leads him back to the living room. He slowly sits back down, silently complaining about the overattentive behavior of Mama Knight and the guys. Katie has tried to act as normal as possible around him, but even she has a tendency to get overly concerned about him.<p>

"They're not hurting that bad." He tells her.

"Just rest." Mama Knight says, kissing his cheek before heading back to the kitchen. James sighs softly and plays with the strings on his grey hoodie. What can he do to keep himself busy? All the guys and Katie went to the pool, so James is pretty much alone. As much as he loves Mama Knight, her idea of entertainment is watching soap operas and reading romance novels. That's not really James's thing.

"Mama Knight, can I please go outside?" He begs.

"Honey, I don't think it's a good idea." Mama Knight says sympathetically. "You really need to rest. However, I believe the guys all took their cell phones with them, so I can ask them to come back and keep you company."

"Thanks." James says softly. He wishes that he could go out and enjoy the sunlight, but hanging out with his friends sounds good. He honestly hates being so isolated from the outside world. Not only is treatment uncomfortable, but it also makes life very boring.

"Kendall? James is getting bored." Mama Knight says into the phone. "Could you and the boys come back to the apartment? Thanks, honey."

"He said that they're on their way." She smiles.

"Great." James says with a soft grin. "Hey, where are my parents?"

"Oh, they're buying furniture for their new apartment." Mama Knight says, putting dishes in the dishwasher.

James sighs and waits for his friends. It's hard to have fun while trapped in the apartment without the guys. When one of them is sick, the others always hang out with him and try to keep him from being too bored. You know, unless he's too tired to do anything. But, even though James still isn't feeling great, he doesn't feel like laying down. He wants to play some more video games or watch a movie or, heck, he wouldn't care if they watched ER or Grey's Anatomy (Logan's two favorite shows).

"We're back!" Carlos yells as he, Kendall, and Logan walk into the apartment.

"Jay, what do you wanna do?" Kendall asks, sitting next to his friend on the couch.

"I don't really care." James tells him. "As long as it's fun."

"More video games?"

"Yeah, that sounds really good." James grins.

"Logan, are you gonna join us?" Carlos asks, noticing that Logan is still standing near the door.

"Actually, I'm gonna catch up on homework." Logan says before walking to his and Carlos's room. James frowns, confused. Okay, he's getting tired of this. Logan hasn't been the same since last week. He never wants to do anything fun, spends most of the time in his room, and he doesn't smile as much. It's really starting to bother James.

"Um, you guys get the game ready." He tells Kendall and Carlos. "I'll be right back."

Logan is sitting in front of the computer, typing away. James watches him from the doorway, sighing heavily. This gets Logan's attention. He looks at James, giving the taller boy a fake smile.

"Hey!" He says cheerfully.

"Logan, you're not fooling me." James says, watching as Logan's smile fades. Logan returns his attention to the computer. James pulls up another chair and sits next to him, confused when he lets out a frustrated sigh and buries his face in his arms. Okay, something isn't right here.

"About what?" Logan asks, lifting his head off the desk.

"Maybe you can fool Kendall and Carlos into believing that you're okay, but not me." James tells him. "You have to talk about this. For a moment, just forget about me. You need to take care of yourself too. I may have cancer, but that doesn't mean that I want you guys to forget about yourself. I'm not the only one that matters around here."

"James, please just leave it alone." Logan says, turning away from him.

"Logan, I am not gonna forget about this!"

"You don't have to forget about it." Logan says while turning the computer off. "Just don't talk about it."

He walks toward the door, but he stops when he hears James speak again."

"I don't understand. You use to never be afraid of opening up to us, but now you're suddenly so closed off. I wanna know why."

Logan is so tempted to just tell James everything, but he can't. He can't let James know the truth because James will just lecture him. He doesn't need to be lectured right now. He just wants James to stop worrying.

"Just let it go." He says softly before walking out the front door. James groans in frustration and buries his face in his hands. Why does Logan have to be so stubborn? James thought that Kendall was suppose to be the difficult one.

"Hey, where did he go?" Carlos asks when James returns to the living room.

"Out." James says, grabbing a controller. Kendall and Carlos look at each other, then at James, noticing the hint of annoyance in his voice. They would ask him, but they don't wanna stress him out. Stress is the last thing he needs.

* * *

><p>Logan runs to the Palm Woods park and searches for a empty, quiet place. He finds it under a shelter toward the back of the park. He sits at one of the tables and digs through his jeans pocket until he finds a lighter. He removes a cigarette from a pocket in his hoodie, sniffling as he lights up. He knows this is stupid, but he enjoys the relaxing feeling.<p>

As he smokes the cigarette, tears fall down his cheeks. Has he really come to this? Has he really become a complete mess in less than a week? He feels so pathetic.

He turns around so his back is facing the people walking around the park, letting his whimpers turn into sobs. What is wrong with him? He feels so much guilt and self hatred lately. He feels like he's on the verge of a complete meltdown and he has no idea what to do about it. He's scared. He's so terrified. Is this what life is gonna be like from now on?

He struggles to stop crying but everytime he tries to stop, he just ends up crying harder. He hates lying, he hates pretending, he hates fooling everyone around him, but he really doesn't know what else to do. If he could tell his friends anything, he would tell them that he's sorry. He's sorry for not helping James sooner, he's sorry for never being good enough, he's sorry for every thing he has ever done wrong. He always said that smoking is bad for a person and now look at him. He's eighteen, so all he had to do was show his ID to the guy at the convenience store. He's not necessarily doing anything illegal, but he's getting into a dangerous and unhealthy habit. He officially has another reason to hate himself.

_My god, how pathetic can you get?_

_You never fit in with your friends, Logan._

_You're so stupid. If you had just gotten James to the hospital sooner, his chances of survival would probably have been even higher._

More tears fall as the voices criticize Logan so harshly. He sobs quietly and finishes smoking the cigarette before angrily throwing it down. He roughly wipes the tears from his cheeks, taking a deep breath. He can feel the pressure building. He can't stand it.

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah, I've been saying that it wouldn't be up for another day or so, but the update schedule for Unbroken is kind of unpredictable:P I never really know for sure when I'm gonna update it:) All I can say is that it will be updated often:D<strong>

**Review! :D**


	11. Everything Is Falling Apart

"Sweetie, you look tired." Brooke says, fluffing James's pillow. James isn't gonna argue with her. He _does _feel pretty exhausted. He has been on the couch all day, doing pretty much nothing. Thanks to the meds, he hasn't had much nausea, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't feel queasy every once in a while. He doesn't feel bad, but he can't say that he feels great either.

"Mom, I'm fine." James insists, leaning back into the pillow. Brooke watches sympathetically, slowly lowering herself onto the couch. She reaches up to touch his cheek, feeling somewhat emotional again. She knows that James doesn't like seeing her cry, though. So she holds them back and calmly watches her son.

"You have another session next week." She says sadly, squeezing his hand.

"Yay." James says sarcastically. He still hates chemo and he always will. His first session was horribly uncomfortable and he dreads having to go through it again. He hates throwing up and feeling so tired all the time. He hates that his friends are all such a miserable wreck. Kendall tries to fake happiness for James, but fails miserably. James can see the anger and hurt in his eyes. Carlos is sad most of the time, but also pretends to be happy in front of James. Don't even get James started on Logan. James honestly doesn't know what's happening to Logan. He's really scaring James.

"Lay down." Brooke says gently, helping James lay down. His head rests on her lap and he closes his eyes, while his mom plays with his hair. He groans when the doorbell rings and he looks up at Brooke, not really feeling like getting up.

"I'll get it." Katie says with a bored tone, walking to the door.

"Hi! I just thought I would stop by."

Devonne? James hasn't seen or talked to her all week. Truthfully, he has missed her. He enjoyed talking to her last week. He loves that there's someone that really understands his situation. After all, she has been through it before.

"He's in the living room." Katie tells her.

"Hi, Mrs. Diamond!" Devonne smiles as she walks into the living room. "I didn't have class or work today, so I decided to stop by and see how James was doing."

"He's tired, but he's doing pretty good." Brooke tells her, stroking James's face.  
>"Hey, you can have your movies back if you want." James tells her, pointing to the stack of DVD's on the coffee table. "I watched all of them."<p>

"Thanks, Jay." Devonne says, ruffling his hair. "Have you been taking your anti nausea meds? Unless you wanna be barfing all the time, you do not wanna skip your meds."

"I'm not skipping." James insists with a soft chuckle.

"How are your friends doing?" Devonne asks him. "Logan called me the other day and he sounded pretty upset. I mean, he wasn't crying or anything, but he sounded like he was about to."

James's eyes fill with concern as he looks at her. For the most part, Logan seems fairly emotionless, he seems to spend a lot of time either in his room or out of the apartment, and he never really seems too interested in hanging out with the guys. It seems like he always wants to be alone and that, in James's opinion, just doesn't seem right.

He's concerned about Kendall and Carlos as well. He keeps a close eye on all three of his friends and although they're doing a lot better than Logan, they're not doing great. Kendall refuses to discuss James's cancer, Carlos almost bursts into tears every time the illness is brought up, and Logan is depressed. It sounds like James isn't the only one that has problems.

"Let's talk about you." Devonne tells him, sitting at his feet. "You've been resting, right?"

"Yep, I've been resting," James mutters. "And it's starting to get on my nerves. I haven't been to the pool all week."

"Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt if you went out for a little bit." Devonne says, feeling bad for the boy. He's been cooped up in the apartment all week and he's obviously starting to get tired of it.

"Mom, could I go?" James pleads.

"Be careful." Brooke warns as Devonne helps him off the couch. James gently pushes her hand off his arm and walks to the door, excited to see the outside world. He literally has not left the apartment since last week. As far as he knows, it has been the most boring week ever.

"Hey, slow down." Devonne says as they begin walking down the hallway.

"You know, you don't need to be so overprotective." James says as he pushes the down button on the elevator.

"I'm just making sure you follow Doctor Barlow's instructions." Devonne says as they walk into the elevator.

James shakes his head as they get in, pressing the button for the lobby. Everyone's overprotective tendencies don't seem to be stopping. He's amazed that anyone even lets him shower by himself. He was gonna help Mama Knight put some groceries away the other day and she was quick to make him sit back down. It seems like he can't do anything anymore without someone interfering.

"You look pretty tired." Devonne tells him.

"Just a little bit." James lies, watching as the doors open. They walk out to the pool and search for a place to sit, preferably near friends. James finally just picks a random lawn chair, too tired to keep looking.

"Hey!" Camille says cheerfully, sitting on the edge of the lawn chair. "How are you feeling today?"

"Fine." James says quietly. He's still kind of upset with her after she accused him of lying last week. Of course, he's thinking about forgiving her. After all, she's in obvious denial and he kind of feels bad for her.

"Listen, I'm sorry about last week." Camille tells him. "I just didn't wanna believe it, so I tried pretending that it was all a big lie. I guess I shouldn't do that, though."

"Yeah, you shouldn't." James tells her. "It's happening and we just need to accept it."

"Yeah, I guess." Camille sighs, gently touching his shoulder. She looks away from him just in time to see Logan walking out to the pool, but he's not alone. He's hanging out with Wayne Wayne, some other guy, and a girl with wavy blonde hair. Why? He hates Wayne Wayne, probably doesn't know who the other guy is, and the blonde chick doesn't seem like his type at all. Camille feels her jealousy kicking in. It shouldn't be, though. After all, she's dating Steve. Yeah, Steve is her boyfriend.

"Who is that?" James questions, sitting up. "What is he doing with Wayne Wayne?"

"I don't know." Camille says with a frown on her face. "Um, I've got an audition in about an hour, so I'm gonna have to go. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Okay." James says absentmindedly, his eyes still on Logan.

Once Camille has left, James turns his head toward Devonne.

"Hey, how did your friends react when you got sick?" He asks her.

"I only had, like, one friend who really stood by me." Devonne tells him. "All my other friends started avoiding me."

"Oh..." James says carefully. "Well, how did that friend react?"

"She was okay, I guess." Devonne says sadly. "She tried to be strong for me."

That makes James think of his own friends. He knows that they're all trying to be strong for him, but he's tired of the pretending. This is gonna be a long, tough battle and he doesn't wanna sit around, watching as his friends try not to have a meltdown.

* * *

><p>Carlos wants to be as optimistic as possible around James. His friend needs to be surrounded by positivity. However, whenever he gets a moment alone, he's thinking about how scary this whole situation is. He remembers the days before James got sick and how happy everyone was. He thinks about how James would blabber on and on about some article he read in Pop Tiger and how he would flirt with everyone hot girl he saw. Sometimes it got annoying, but it was better than seeing James sick.<p>

He buries his face in his pillow, his eyes filling with tears. Everything is falling apart in such a short amount of time. Even their relationships are changing. Everyone is so focused on James that they don't pay as much attention to each other. That's okay, though. James needs everyone's attention. That's why Carlos is so frustrated with Logan. He's acting so selfish and putting more stress on everyone else because they're forced to worry about James, while also fearing for Logan's sanity.

He sits up and grabs his helmet from the end of the bed, putting it on. Then he reaches for his favorite picture of him and the guys, clutching it to his chest. They looked so happy. Just four best friends loving life in LA. Now it's all ruined because of a stupid disease. Why couldn't everything just go back to normal?

"Hey, you okay?" Kendall asks worriedly, standing in the doorway. Soon, tears are streaming down the younger boy's cheeks and Kendall sits next to him, gently pulling him into a hug.

"You know, Gustavo wants to know if we'd like to come to the studio tomorrow." He says quietly. "If James is up to it."

"What would we do? It's not like James can dance or anything." Carlos says bitterly.

"No, nothing like that." Kendall tells him. "He wrote a really good song, though. He wants to show it to us and possibly record it."

Carlos whimpers as he looks at Kendall. They haven't been to Rocque Records since last week. Gustavo and Kelly haven't seen James, since they've both been really busy. They're probably eager to have the boys back in the studio. It probably wouldn't hurt to ask James if he wants to. Carlos has misses Rocque Records.

"You want to?" Kendall asks, giving him a hug. Carlos nods silently, resting his head on Kendall's shoulder. "Okay, we'll ask James, then I'll call Gustavo."

* * *

><p><strong>Review! :D<strong>


	12. Frustrated

**I'm so sorry for not updating yesterday! My email at my house is messed up, so I have to get it fixed on Monday**

**Enjoy this chapter:D**

* * *

><p><em>"James, be careful!"<em>

_"James, you should rest for a while."_

_"James, don't overexert yourself."_

James has an irritated glare on his face as he sits off to the side of the dance studio, watching as his friends rehearse the moves to Gustavo's new song. He rehearsed with them for a little while, then he started to get a little bit tired, so the guys basically forced him to rest. He came here because he wanted to actually do something, not sit on his behind. Really, he's getting more annoyed with all this overprotective behavior from everyone around him.

He pulls his knees to his chest and buries his face in them. He took his anti nausea meds this morning, but he still feels a lot different than he did before cancer. That doesn't change how he feels about people being overprotective. It's still incredibly annoying. Why can't they just act normal around him? He wishes that they would treat him like they always have!

He just wants to go back out there and dance with his friends, but they won't let him. Gustavo didn't even yell at him today! Not once! He suddenly seems very careful and somewhat nicer to James and it's honestly driving James crazy. He yells at the other guys! Why can't he treat James like he normally does?

"Dogs, that was terrible!" Gustavo says loudly as he turns the music off. "You're normally a lot better than this."  
>"First of all, we don't work well with just three of us." Kendall responds. "Second of all, I think Logan needs more dance lessons."<p>

James looks at Kendall with disbelief. Why would he say something like that? It's not like him to verbally attack his own friends. James doesn't like that at all. And he doesn't recall the guys having any major arguments, so he's confused about Kendall's reason for acting like a jerk out of nowhere.

"Okay, you know what? I don't know if you're mad because I don't tell you my business or if you're really that bitter, but I don't need this." Logan snaps as he grabs his gym bag.

"Oh, I'm not the bitter one." Kendall calls out. "You're the one that's a miserable wreck."

"Hey, you ready to go?" A blonde girl says as she appears in the doorway. James recognizes her as the same girl from yesterday. She doesn't seem like Logan's type. Skinny jeans, really tight fitting black tank top, denim jacket, knee high black leather boots, and too much makeup. James didn't think he liked those kind of girls.

"Yeah." Logan says, wrapping his arm around her waist. He gives Kendall another glare before walking out of the dance studio.

"What was that?" Kelly says weirdly.

"He's been acting like a selfish jerk since last week!" Carlos says, making sure that Logan can hear him. But they don't get a response from him. They only hear the sound of a door opening and being slammed shut.

"Jay? You okay, buddy?" Kendall asks worriedly.  
>"Oh yeah, I'm fine." James says sarcastically. "I love watching my friends treat my other friend like dirt. I love watching that friend struggle, while everyone else focuses all their attention on me and telling me what to do. Yeah, Kendall, I <em>really <em>love that."

With that, he storms out of the dance studio and goes to find Logan.

"Okay, what's his problem?" Carlos frowns.

"I don't know." Kendall says tiredly, rubbing his temples. "I don't know."

Meanwhile, James is walking toward the front entrance. When he steps outside, he sees Logan and the mystery girl standing near a bright red convertible. The girl laughs as Logan throws his arms around her waist, giving her a passionate kiss. One hand rests on her hip while the other rests on the small of her back.

"Come on." He hears Logan whisper, watching as his friend gets into the drivers seat of the car. The blonde tries to crawl onto Logan's lap, but he just laughs and whispers something to her. She rolls her eyes and sits in the seat next to him, fastening her seatbelt. He drives away and James watches until the vehicle disappears from his sight.

"Jay, come back inside!" Carlos pleads. Without saying a word, James turns around and walks back into the building. Carlos does feel pretty bad about what just happened. It was uncalled for, even if Logan has been acting weird. Kendall is just frustrated because he and Carlos have both tried to talk to Logan and the only thing they know is that he thinks it'll be his fault if James dies.

"Let's just get back to rehearsal." James says quietly before trudging back into the dance studio.

* * *

><p>"Jay, are you still not speaking to us?" Kendall asks as they walk into 2J.<p>

"No!" James snaps before slamming the bedroom door behind him.

"Boys, what's going on?" Brooke asks worriedly. "What happened?"

"Carlos and I were rehearsing the dance for Gustavo's new song, James was resting, Gustavo started criticizing our dancing, I may have blamed Logan, he walked out with some blonde girl, and now James is mad at us."

"Maybe I should talk to him!" Brooke says as she reaches for the doorknob.

"Um, I talk to him." Kendall says calmly before grabbing the doorknob. He pushes it open, then closes it behind himself. He sees James pacing and clenching his fist. He really should be resting, but now Kendall's kind of afraid to say anything because he knows that James will be even more annoyed with him.

"You had no right." James says, turning to face Kendall. "I'm tired of you smothering me and treating Logan like dirt. I'm not the only important person around her, okay? You, Carlos, Logan, Mama Knight, Katie, my parents, you're all important too. I don't want you guys to forget about your own needs just because I'm sick."

"James, you're facing a life or death situation." Kendall says sternly. "You need us more than ever."

"So you'll be nice to me, but you have no problem being mean to someone else?"

"James, are you really still mad because I got a little snarky with Logan?"

"Yes, I am!" James yells. "He's a mess and I have no idea why, but I'm really scared for him. I'm scared for all of you!"

"James-"

"I'm really tired, so I'm just gonna rest." James says, slowly crawling under his covers. Kendall watches him with tear filled eyes, truly hating that his friend is angry with him. He knows that everything James said is true. They shouldn't forget about their own needs and each other, but James just seems so fragile.

"I'm sorry." He whispers, wiping his eyes as he leaves the room.

"Hey, I think I'm gonna go for a walk." Carlos says softly, turning around and walking out the door.

* * *

><p>Carlos needs some time to himself, just to think. So he goes to the Palm Woods park and walks around, enjoying the fresh air. He looks at the people all around him. They all look so happy and care free, like they have no worries at all. He wishes that everyone could be like that. No stress, no worries, no problems. Sadly, it can't always be like that.<p>

As he's about to walk over to the lake, he hears some really obnoxious laughter. Seriously? Could they be any more annoying?

He looks over at the nearby shelter, frowning. Wayne Wayne is is goofing off with some other guy, but that's not surprising. On the other hand, Logan is also with them. He's kissing his blonde mystery girl, his arm wrapped around her waist. The shocking part? There's a cigarette in his free hand.

Carlos shakes his head and starts walking over to them. He angrily snatches the cigarette from his friend and throws it to the ground, stepping on it. Then he grabs Logan's arm and yanks him off the bench, dragging him away.

"What are you doing?" He yells.

"Well, Kimberly and I _were _making out until we were so rudely interrupted." Logan says coolly.

"What's happening to you?" Carlos asks weakly. "This isn't like you, Logan."

"I don't care!" Logan snaps as he removes a pack of cigarettes from his jacket. Carlos grabs the pack and tosses it in the trash, then looks back at Logan.  
>Logan stares at him with pain filled eyes and he soon finds himself pulling his broken friend into a hug. To his shock and surprise, Logan breaks down in his arms. He flinches at the pained sobs, but holds Logan close to him.<p>

"Come on." He whispers, leading Logan over to the lake. They sit on the the grass and Logan buries his face in his knees, while Carlos gently rubs his back. He continues sobbing and Carlos continues comforting him.

"Ready to go home?" He asks softly. Logan lifts his head, revealing his tear stained cheeks, and nods. "Okay, let's go."

* * *

><p>"Go to sleep, sweetie." Brooke whispers, stroking James's hair.<p>

"Okay, mama." James says quietly, closing his eyes. Brooke gives him a gentle smile and kisses his cheek. She crawls under the covers next to him and wraps her arms around her son, placing another kiss on his cheek. He rests his head on her shoulder and enjoys the feeling of his mother holding him.

"Good night." She says softly, kissing his nose. James grins and buries his face in her shoulder.

"Good night." He says before drifting off to sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>Now I'm gonna finish the next chapter of Living A Double Life:)<strong>

**Review! :D**


	13. Another Round

It's time for another chemo session. James isn't looking forward to it at all, but he knows that he has to do it. Since it's gonna be a part of his routine for a while, he might as well get use to it. It's hard not to complain about it, though. You know, considering how uncomfortable the side effects are.

This time, he's riding to the hospital with the guys, Katie, and Mama Knight. His parents are following behind the van in their own car. He still feels nervous, but not as nervous as last time. He knows what to expect, but he just doesn't like how the stuff makes him feel. It makes him feel...icky. He can't wait until he can feel normal again.

"Boys, we're here." Mama Knight says as the van comes to a stop. They all get out of the vehicle and Kendall holds James's bag for him. He just took his usual items, such as his MP3 player, cell phone, blanket, pillow, and a magazine.

As they walk into the hospital lobby, James pulls his hoodie over his head and keeps his head down, hoping that no one notices him. He was thinking a lot last night and he realized that they still have to tell the public about his situation. He was really hoping that they could keep it a secret for a while longer, but he knows that the truth will have to come out eventually.

"You ready for this one?" Brooke asks him as they enter the elevator, stroking his cheek. He sighs and shakes his head, staring at the ground. He looks up when his dad awkwardly pats his shoulder, hesitating before gently shrugging it off. Things have been even more weird between them since he was diagnosed and he hates that. He wishes that his dad would give him an explanation.

"Are they gonna give me pre meds again?" He asks softly. "It didn't really work last time."

"When Doctor Barlow called this morning, he said that they were gonna try a different anti nausea medication this time." Mama Knight tells him. "Hopefully, this stuff will work better."

James nods as the elevator doors open and they walk toward the cancer ward. He sees Kayla and her mom talking to the secretary and he smiles as he walks over to her. He kneels behind her and playfully kisses her cheek.

"James!" She says excitedly, throwing her arms around his neck.

"Hey, girl!" He says, hugging her.

"The doctors have to run some tests on me today." Kayla tells him. "To see if the cancer is gone."

"Well, I hope you get really good results." James says as he stands back up, grinning when Kayla wraps her arms around his waist.  
>"Do you have more chemo today?"<p>

"Unfortunately." James responds with a weak smile.

"Kayla, baby, let's go." Kayla's mom tells her, reaching for her hand. "Good luck, James."

"Thanks." James smiles, waving at Kayla as she is led down the hallway. Then his smile slowly fades and he waits for Mama Knight to finish getting him checked in.

"James, you can make your way down to room 314." The secretary tells him. "Just walk straight down the hall and turn right. It's right around the corner."

"Thanks." James says quietly. They begin walking down the hall and turn right, where they find room 314. James sits on the bed and waits for Doctor Barlow. They wait for several minutes before he arrives with Chelsea.  
>"Alright, James, lay down and Chelsea will get your IV hooked up, along with your new premeds." Doctor Barlow tells him. James lays down and pulls the blanket up to his waist, then holds out his arm to Chelsea. He whimpers and looks at his family, closing his eyes as Mama Knight grabs his hand. He squeezes his eyes shut tighter when Chelsea starts putting the needle in his arm, his face scrunched up as Mama Knight squeezes his hand.<p>

"All done!" Chelsea says cheerfully. James slowly relaxes and opens his eyes, sighing heavily.

"How have you been feeling since your last session?" Doctor Barlow asks him.

"Okay." James murmurs. "Just tired."

"Have your anti nausea medications been working okay?"

"Yeah." James says softly. "The ones I take at home are okay, but what about the stuff I'm getting right now? I still got sick last time."  
>"The medicine we're giving you right now is different than what we used at your last session." Doctor Barlow explains. "I'm hoping this stuff will work better."<br>"So do I." James mutters, rolling onto his side.

"I'll be back in thirty minutes to start your chemo." Doctor Barlow tells him. "Just try to relax."  
>"Don't count on it." James says softly. Doctor Barlow and Chelsea leave the room and James closes his eyes again. He feels himself getting emotional, but he tries to avoid letting anyone see it. He doesn't want anyone to see him cry. They already feel bad enough and he doesn't wanna make them feel any worse. He knows that they're already under enough stress.<p>

A soft knock on the door snaps everyone out of their thoughts. Devonne stands in the doorway, a weak smile on her face.

"Hey, you're working today!" Carlos exclaims.

"Yes, I am." Devonne laughs, walking over to James's bedside. "Do you guys wanna go and get some lunch? I'll stay here with James."

"I guess we can leave James alone for a little bit." Samuel says, looking at his ill son. "Is that okay?"

"Whatever." James mutters. Samuel sighs and glances at Brooke, who reaches for his son. They all assure James that they will be back in a little bit, then they quietly leave the room. Devonne sits on the edge of James's bed, squeezing his shoulder.

"Are you okay? You seem upset." She tells him.

"I am." James mumbles. He's very upset! Nothing is the same anymore and he hates that. He wants everything to go back to the way it was before he got sick.

"Why?" Devonne asks him, taking his hand in hers. James rolls onto his back and stares at her with sadness in his eyes.

"Everything is different now." He says softly. "And I don't like that."

"I know." Devonne says sympathetically, giving his hand a squeeze. "I'm sorry, James."

* * *

><p>Katie has a hard time being around James, but being with the others doesn't help either. Everyone is miserable and it's bringing Katie down. She doesn't like when people are sad. As she sits at the table, she finds herself looking at her mom, James's parents, and the guys. She isn't sure what her mom will say if she tries to leave the cafeteria, but she really just wants to be alone right now. She needs a break from watching her loved ones suffer.<p>

"Mom, I'm gonna go for a walk." She says quietly.

"Be careful." Mama Knight tells her. She nods silently and gets out of her seat, looking at her watch as she leaves the cafeteria. It has been a little more than thirty minutes since they left James's room, so he's probably starting chemo already. She'll go and make sure before she lets the others know.

She rides the elevator up to the cancer ward. As she walks past one of the chemo rooms, she cringes, terrified when she sees a young child on the bed. Then she walks down the hallway and around the corner to James's room, walking into the room just as Doctor Barlow and Chelsea walk out. Devonne is sitting on the bed, talking to James while admiring his hockey jersey. Despite his discomfort, he's smiling at whatever Devonne is saying. He's so busy with her that he doesn't even seem to notice Katie. Okay, she'll admit that she has a _tiny _crush on him, but he will never know.

"Hey, I'm gonna go to the gift shop for a while, but I'll come back in a little bit." Devonne says, giving his hand a squeeze before heading to the door. "Hi, Katie!"

"Hey." Katie says before walking over to James's bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Um, my stomach hurts a little bit." James says softly. "Are the others gonna come back? Or are they still in the cafeteria?"  
>"Cafeteria." Katie says, sitting next to the bed. She stares at the floor and for a few minutes, neither she or James says a thing. Then James gets the courage to speak up.<p>

"How are you?'

"What?"

"How are you? You haven't said much about this cancer thing." James says, rubbing the back of his neck.  
>"Um, I guess I feel sad." Katie admits. "I wish you weren't sick."<p>

"Same here." James tells her. "Hey, why don't you call the others and tell them to come up here?"

"Okay." Katie says quietly, taking her cell phone from her pocket, dialing her mom's phone number. Meanwhile, James just lays there, watching her. Then he looks at the IV hooked up to his arm, glaring at it. He resists the urge to rip it out, reminding himself of how important the chemo is, although it's painful.

"They'll be here in a few minutes." Katie murmurs. James smiles weakly and pats the spot next to him, chuckling as she crawls onto the bed. He kisses the top of her head and sinks back into the pillows, hugging her gently. Then his stomach starts hurting even worse and he holds back a cry of pain. He breathes deeply, unable to respond when Katie asks him if he's okay. _No, I'm definitely not okay, _He thinks to himself. _"This hurts so bad!"_

"Shhh." Katie whispers, stroking his face. He whimpers and squeezes his eyes shut, finding the pain hard to handle."You know, I've heard that massaging your stomach can help stomachaches."

"Really?" James croaks out. "Can we try that? It really hurts."

"Okay." Katie says as she begins rubbing his aching stomach. James slowly relaxes. It doesn't make the pain completely go away, but it does make him feel a little better.

A few minutes later, they hear a knock on the door and look toward the doorway to see the others standing in the doorway. James gives them a weak smile, despite his discomfort.

"Dude, you should have seen this girl I saw in the lobby!" Carlos says excitedly, jumping slightly. Logan sighs and gently grabs the hyper boy's arm, giving him a look.

"How are you feeling, man?" Kendall asks James, reaching for his shoulder.

James is so tired of hearing that question. He hears it a billion times every day and it has really gotten old. He understands that they're all concerned about him, but he's tired of all the extra attention. He normally loves attention, but not this kind. He loves when he's onstage and everyone's eyes are on him, but he doesn't like when he's in the hospital and people treat him like an invalid.

"I'm fine." He lies. "Yeah, I'm okay."

"James, don't-"

"I'm fine, okay?" James says through gritted teeth. Kendall backs away, hurt in his eyes. Why is James so angry?

"Jay, are you sure you're-"

"For the last time, I'm fine!" James snaps before rolling back onto his side, his back facing them.

They all know why James is acting like this. He's just cranky. He's not feeling well and it's making him cranky. No one wants to be messed with when they don't feel good.

"Um, let's just leave him alone for a while." Brooke suggests. "He needs to rest."

* * *

><p>"Well, here we are." Kelly says as Freight Train parks the black van in front of Cedars Sinai Medical Center. They have been very busy for the past two weeks. Between trying to figure out how to break the news of James's illness to the public, deciding what they're gonna do about the third BTR album, and a couple work related trips to San Diego and Chicago, they haven't had a chance to actually visit James.<p>

"You go inside, I'll park the van." Freight Train tells them.

"Alright." Kelly says as she and Gustavo get out of the van. The assistant looks at Gustavo, who seems rather conflicted. They were both horrified when they learned that James was suffering from a life threatening illness, but Kelly is the one that decided that they should visit him. Gustavo wasn't too sure about it. He has never seen James seriously ill before and although he wants to see how the boy is doing, Kelly knows that he's scared to enter the hospital.

"Kelly, what if the dog doesn't want visitors?" Gustavo questions as they walk into the lobby. Gustavo has called the boys "dogs" ever since he met them. It started out as an insult, but has now become a simple nickname for the boys.

"If he doesn't, we'll go to the cafeteria or something." Kelly says as she presses the up button on the elevator. "Please remember to be nice, okay? To all of them? And the doctors? And the nurses? And the other patients?"

"Kelly!" Gustavo interrupts. "I get it."

They walk into the elevator and Kelly presses the button for the correct floor. How could James possibly have cancer? He seemed perfectly fine during the tour. Maybe a little off, but he didn't seem that sick. Apparently, this isn't a dream because they are visiting the cancer ward to see James while he is receiving chemotherapy.

The elevator dings and they arrive at the cancer ward.

"We're looking for James Diamond." Kelly tells the secretary.

"Room 314."

They quietly thank the secretary before walking down the hallway. They look both ways and decide to turn right. They discover that room 314 is right around the corner. They give each other nervous looks before slowly pushing the door open.

"I hate this." James says quietly.

"We know, sweetie." Brooke says, pushing his bangs away from his forehead.

"Hi!" Kelly blurts out, waving.  
>"James, honey, Gustavo and Kelly are here to see you." Mama Knight says gently, squeezing his hand.<p>

"Hi." James says weakly.

"Did you get the flowers we sent to the Palm Woods?" Gustavo asks awkwardly.

"Yeah." James responds, whimpering as he closes his eyes. Gustavo keeps a emotionless expression as he stares at the ill boy, but his heart is breaking for James. He use to be Gustavo's least favorite, but in the past few months, Gustavo has become quite fond of him. Gustavo Rocque can't stand the thought of losing any of his boys.

* * *

><p><strong>Review! :D<strong>


	14. Supporters

Two hours later, James is still going at it and he feels even worse than he did just a couple hours ago. He hasn't thrown up, thanks to the anti nausea meds, but he still feels tired and achy. He's happy that he isn't throwing up, though. That doesn't mean that he doesn't feel bad. In fact, he feels awful.

By the way, the room is completely silent. Everyone is here, but no one is saying anything. James had been napping, but he just woke up. He wishes that someone would talk because the awkward silence is driving him crazy. Heck, Gustavo is here and he hasn't said anything. He usually talks/yells a lot more than he's doing.

He glances at Kendall, Carlos, and Logan. He still worries about them every day, even though they told him not to. How can they tell him not to worry when they're giving him every reason to do it? He refuses to believe that they're okay because that's a lie. They're not okay! They are so far from okay. Logan actually went out for five hours yesterday and he was acting pretty weird when he returned to the apartment. Kendall seemed annoyed, Carlos was concerned, and James knows nothing. Kendall seems a lot more irritable, Carlos seems sad, and Logan is apparently out of control.

He whimpers softly and sits up, taking a deep breath. Everyone looks at him and he gives them a weak smile, wincing as he clutches his stomach. This hurts so bad. Even when his mom starts rubbing his back, he doesn't feel any better.  
>Brooke whispers comforting words to her son, carefully helping him lay back down. She kisses his cheek and he looks at her with the most heartbreaking expression. He doesn't seem to be experiencing the nausea this time, but he's still experiencing some uncomfortable side effects. Her poor baby looks so miserable.<p>

"Um, James, there's something that we really need to talk about." Kelly says carefully, looking at Gustavo. The music producer nods in agreement, while James looks at them in confusion. "We've thinking about this and we think it's best if we tell the media about your situation. I know you were hoping to keep it a secret, but you're eventually gonna get sicker and you won't be able to work anymore. People will start getting suspicious, so we need to let them know."

Gustavo can tell that James doesn't like the sound of that. There's sadness and fear in his eyes. He was living his dream and now cancer is ruining it for him. Gustavo hates that, but he also believes in James. The boy will hopefully beat this disease and get healthy again, then he can continue his career.

"How?" James says softly.

"We would like to contact People Magazine and do an interview with them about it." Gustavo says calmly.

"I don't feel like doing any interviews." James says softly. "Feel too sick."

"You don't have to." Kelly tells him. "Kendall, Carlos, and Logan will do it."

"Yeah, we'll do it." Kendall agrees, looking at his friends. Carlos and Logan nod and give James reassuring smiles. James shrugs and looks at Gustavo and Kelly. He feels emotional all of a sudden, but he holds it all back. The whole world is gonna know that he's sick. He doesn't want anyone to know, but he knows that he's not gonna get what he wants.

"Hey, when we do the interview, we can mention that you want privacy." Carlos suggests. "You know, tell them that this is a very difficult time for you and we would like if people would give you some space."

"Great." James says tiredly before drifting off to sleep.

"Wow, the dog is really sick." Gustavo says slowly, jumping when Kelly slaps his arm.

"Yeah." Logan says as he walks to the door.

"Logan? Where are you going?" Carlos asks worriedly. After seeing Logan smoking a few days ago, Carlos has been kind of paranoid. Every time Logan walks out the door, Carlos fears that he's out doing something stupid. If he has been seen smoking once, who is Carlos to say that he won't do it again?

"For a walk." Logan responds before walking out the door. Carlos immediately starts following him, leaving Kendall to watch James. Kendall is under a lot more stress than people think. One friend has cancer and the other two are keeping a secret from him. Therefore, he has two things to worry about.

"Okay, I'm back from the gift shop!" Devonne says as she enters the room, carrying a vase of flowers and an adorable teddy bear. "Aww, he fell asleep again? I was hoping that I could give him his present."

"Let me see if I can wake him up." Mama Knight says, kissing James's hand. "James, sweetie, Devonne is back. She has something for you."

James lets out a soft breath as his eyes open. He seems a bit drowsy, but awake.

"I got you a present." She says, sitting the flowers on the bedside table. She hands the teddy bear to him, eager to see his reaction.

James's exhaustion seems to disappear and his frown becomes a shy smile as he cuddles the stuffed animal.

"Thanks." He says softly.

"Hey, we've gotta get back to the studio, but maybe we'll stop by the apartment soon." Kelly tells them.

"Sounds great." Mama Knight says. Gustavo and Kelly both say quiet goodbyes to James before leaving the room. James sighs sadly as he cuddles his new teddy bear. The thought of everyone knowing that he's sick just terrifies him. He doesn't know if anyone would be mean to him and it's not like having cancer is scandalous, but he's worried about the sympathy he'll receive when he goes out in public. He just wants to be treated like a normal person. Yeah, he's very sick, but he's still a normal teenager at heart.

"Hey, could you guys leave me alone for a little bit?" He requests. "I'm still tired."

"Okay, honey." Brooke says, kissing the top of his head.

James smiles softly and thanks her before accepting hugs from the others, even his dad.

"You know, your mother and I are planning on going car shopping in a little bit." Samuel tells him.

"Um, that's great." James says quietly. He and his dad may not have the best relationship, but he would love to look at cars with them. Unfortunately, he has to stay in the apartment for a few days after each chemo session.

Kendall looks at James sadly and gives him a gentle hug before walking out the door.

"So...You like the stuff?" Devonne asks hopefully.

"I love it." James chuckles weakly. Devonne reaches out to touch his cheek, feeling the soft skin against her fingers. _Wow, he must use a lot of skin products, _she thinks to herself. Before she knows it, he has fallen asleep yet again, but this time he is cuddling the teddy bear to his chest.

* * *

><p><strong>I was gonna make it a little longer, but I really like this ending:) The next chapter will be longer, though:D<strong>

**Review! :D**


	15. There's More To You

Kendall searches the lobby for Logan and Carlos, concerned for his two friends. He doesn't understand why Logan always has to leave and never tells anyone where he's going. Carlos looked pretty anxious as he followed Logan out the door and that bothers Kendall. Why in the world are they hiding? It's so obvious that they're keeping secrets. Sometimes Kendall finds Logan sitting on the balcony and he'll try to talk to him, but Carlos will insist on doing it instead. Kendall is worried but also frustrated because there's already enough to worry about.

He doesn't see them anywhere, so he walks out the front doors. Where are they? He really wants to find them so he can get back to James. He knows that James probably likes being alone with Devonne, but Kendall finds himself unable to leave his friend for too long.

"Logan, give me that!"

"No!"

"Give me the lighter!"

What is going on? That's the only thought running through Kendall's mind as he turns around a corner of the hospital, surprised when he finds his two friends fighting. Not physically, but Logan is tightly clutching something in his hand and Carlos apparently doesn't like that.

"I'm eighteen, Carlos! I'm not doing anything illegal!" Logan snaps. To Kendall's astonishment, the brains of the group turns away from Carlos and lights the cigarette between his teeth.

"Logan, please don't do this." Carlos pleads. Logan's face is hard as he stares past Carlos, puffing on the cigarette.

"Really, Logan? Smoking?" Kendall finally says. Logan turns his head toward Kendall, seemingly afraid all of a sudden. He holds the cigarette between his fingers, then he tosses it to the ground, puts it out, shoves the lighter into his pocket, and silently walks past them. Carlos looks at Kendall with tears in his eyes and there is an awkward moment of silence. Kendall isn't sure whether to feel angry at Logan or worried.

"Hey, let's go back inside." He says, giving Carlos a hug. "James needs us."

* * *

><p>"Ugh, I feel like I just got hit by a truck." James mumbles.<p>

"You just have another hour." Devonne says softly, running her fingers through his hair. He smiles softly and closes his eyes. He feels really bad, but he's happy to be in the company of a pretty girl. He may be sick, but he's still allowed to be a tiny bit girl crazy. Devonne is smoking hot (His opinion) and he enjoys having her around while he's suffering.

"Has your hair always been so wavy?" He asks her, reaching out to touch a red strand.

"No." Devonne smiles. "It use to be straight, but it grew back wavy. And it actually use to be light brown, but it came back much darker. Then I dyed it red!

"It looks great." James responds. His smile fades as he starts thinking about his own hair. He knows that he won't have it anymore in a few days and that's very frightening. He has always taken pride in caring for his hair and now he's gonna lose it. He doesn't like the idea of being bald. He can't imagine himself looking good with no hair.

"Hey, you'll be okay." She says gently, stroking his cheek. "By the way, if you wanna make it easier, you could just shave your hair off. It's easier than finding your hair all over your pillow."

"You think?" James sighs. "I just...I don't know. I'm the hot one of the group...the ladies man, you know? And now I have cancer and I just feel like I'm losing everything. There's not much else to me other than my looks."

"That's not true." Devonne says, cupping her hand over his cheek. "You are an amazing guy, Jay. You're so much more than just good looks, okay? You are sweet, funny, caring, and so much more. Don't think that looks are all you've got going for you."

She brings her face closer to his, gently kissing his cheek. When she pulls away, James looks like he's almost asleep. She decides to let him sleep in peace. She gets off the bed and walks toward the door, looking at him one more time before leaving the room.

* * *

><p>"Logan? Logan, get back here!" Kendall calls out, following Logan down the hallway. After taking Carlos to the waiting room, he decided to have a little talk with his other friend. Ironically, Logan is suppose to be the smart one of the group. Now he's smoking? That's not something that Logan does. Well, the Logan that they all know and love.<p>

"What?" Logan says bitterly. Kendall reaches out to grab his arm, preventing him from walking away. Kendall roughly pulling him back. He angrily yanks his arm from Kendall's grip, struggling to keep himself from completely losing it.

"Look, I don't know what the hell is going on with you, but you better stop this...this...problem of yours." Kendall whispers coldly.

Logan stands back against the wall, glaring at Kendall with as much anger as he can. Kendall doesn't know what he's talking about. He doesn't know anything. He doesn't know what Logan's going through. He just doesn't know and he should really mind his own business.

"Dude, what is wrong with you?" Kendall asks him. "You won't talk to us. You won't tell us anything and we're all worried about you. And now you're smoking, you're hanging out with Wayne Wayne, and you're dating some girl that you barely even know. This isn't like you, Logan."

"Or maybe you don't know me as well as you think." Logan says, trying to walk past him.

"Logan, please!" Kendall pleads, grabbing his wrist.

"Will you just leave me alone?" Logan finally shouts. "I don't have a problem! I'm perfectly fine and I don't need you getting all up in my business, trying to tell me what to do!"

"You're hurting, man." Kendall says carefully. "Just admit it, okay? It's okay to be upset."

Logan's eyes darker and he clenches his fists. "I don't wanna talk about that."

With that, he turns around and walks away, leaving Kendall all alone.

* * *

><p><strong>Now Kendall knows about Logan! James won't be finding out for a few more chapters, though:O How will he react? <strong>

**Review! :D**


	16. So Close, Yet So Far Apart

It has been almost two hours since the incident with Logan and none of the boys have spoken to each other ever since. Logan isn't speaking to Kendall or Carlos and they aren't speaking to him. They're sitting by James's bedside, watching him sleep. He got his IV taken out an hour ago and Doctor Barlow gave him an hour to rest before he is allowed to go home. They'll probably have to wake him up in a minute, since Mama Knight is already getting him signed out.

Their friendship is sinking and they can't tell James anything about the situation. Kendall has heard that stress is bad on sick and/or injured people. He doesn't wanna stress James out by telling him how much things have changed between the three of them. Kendall doesn't even feel like he knows Logan anymore and Carlos doesn't seem as happy as he use to be. How did everything get so messed up?

"I'll wake him up." Carlos says quietly.

He gives James's shoulder a squeeze, then gently shakes him awake.

"Wake up, buddy." He murmurs. "It's time to go home."

"Mmm, finally." James whispers, opening his eyes. He moans weakly, squeezing his eyes shut. Kendall gently shushes him and gives his hand a squeeze, walking to the other side of the bed. He and Carlos grab the sick boy and help him sit up, each giving him a hug. He groans and nearly falls over, but Kendall quickly catches him.

"We've got you, buddy." Kendall whispers, helping him off the bed.

"I'm so exhausted." James breathes out, lowering himself into the chair next to Logan.

"We can get a wheelchair if you're too tired to walk." Carlos suggests. But James just shakes his head. He already feels bad enough. He doesn't wanna feel like an invalid by allowing someone to push him around in a wheelchair.

"No," He says, pushing himself back up. "I don't need it."

"You sure?" Kendall asks him.

"Yeah, I'm sure." James nods, glancing at Logan. "Hey, we're ready to go."

"I know." Logan says with fake cheer, standing up next to James. He is quick to walk out the door and James gives Kendall and Carlos a look of confusion, but they just lead him out of the room. Just as he starts heading toward the elevator, he suddenly feels someone hugging his waist. He looks down and notices Kayla holding onto him.

"Hey, I thought you would have been done with all those tests by now." James tells her, responding to the hug.

"I am! But we talked to the doctor for a while, then Mommy let me play with some of the other kids." Kayla says happily.  
>"That sounds like fun." James grins weakly. "Hey, I'm gonna go home and rest, okay? But I would love to see you again sometime."<p>

"That would be awesome!"

"Bye, sweetie." He says, kissing the top of her head before following the guys into the elevator. He really just wants to lay on the floor and nap, but it won't be hardly any time before the doors open back up. He'll just have to manage until they make it to the van, then he's gonna take a nap. He is in desperate need of some rest. He feels like passing out right now, but once again, he can't because there's not enough time.

"Bud, let's go." Kendall says, patting his back. He whimpers softly and crosses his arms, keeping his head down as they walk out the front doors of the hospital. Mama Knight has the van parked in front of the entrance, so James luckily doesn't have to walk too far. He certainly doesn't feel like it at the moment.

He gets into the front passengers seat, the guys get into the middle seat, and Katie sits in the very back. James slowly removes his jacket, leaving him in his jersey. He closes his eyes and tries to fall asleep, but he soon hears Mama Knight getting into the drivers seat. He can barely hear her speaking to Kendall, Carlos, and Logan, but he's too tired to really pay attention.

"Mmmm." He moans.

"We're going home, honey." Mama Knight says gently as she starts the car. James nods weakly then closes his eyes again, making another attempt at falling asleep. This time, he succeeds.

* * *

><p>Walking into the Palm Woods is awkward. Only a few people know about James's cancer and they promised to keep it a secret, but the other Palm Woods guests are starting to get suspicious. James rarely leaves the apartment anymore and even when he does come to the pool, people notice that he's not as energetic as usual. He just lays in a lawn chair and sometimes he even falls asleep. What's not suspicious about that?<p>

He can feel all eyes on him as they walk toward the elevator. It'll soon be obvious that he's sick. In fact, he can already tell that people are becoming worried about him. He doesn't want anyone to worry about him, but he knows that there's no escaping it. As long as he's fighting this disease, sympathy will follow him wherever he goes.

"Sweetie, please rest, okay?" Mama Knight says as she pushes the second floor button. Yeah, that's exactly what James will be doing. He certainly doesn't feel like doing anything else. All he wants to do is sleep for the rest of the day.

"Hey, I'm just gonna go to the restroom real quick." He murmurs as they enter the apartment. He walks through the small kitchen and into the restroom, shutting the door behind him. He looks at himself in the mirror, remember his conversation with Devonne. She recommended shaving all his hair off, since he'll be losing it anyway. Should he do it? When he looks in the mirror again, he snatches the razor. Then he turns away from the mirror and begins shaving his brown hair away.

Meanwhile, the other residents of 2J are standing by the door, listening to the horrifying sound coming from the restroom.

"James? What are you doing?" Kendall asks worriedly. He wriggles the doorknob and pushes the door open, stopping when he sees his nearly bald friend. Tears are streaming down James's face as he shaves his hair off and Kendall, Carlos, and Logan watch in heartbreaking silence until the last of his hair has fell to the floor.

"Jay..." Carlos says weakly.

"I need some sleep." James says as he pulls his hood over his head. They don't even get a chance to say to talk to him before he enters his room and closes the door behind himself. Their hearts have officially shattered.

* * *

><p>"I guess this is it." Carlos says just thirty minutes later. Mama Knight is baking some snickerdoodles in hopes of cheering the kids up, Katie is watching TV in the living room, James is asleep in his room, and the other guys are in Carlos and Logan's room. They tried to talk to James, but he locked the door. None of them can get the image of James with no hair out of their heads. They're not shallow. They know that what matters is what's on the inside, but it's just hard to imagine James Diamond with no hair. The hair is his thing! There are a few qualities that distinguish James from the rest of the band. His smile, his eyes, his biceps, his abs, his skin, and his hair. Now one of those qualities has been lost.<p>

"What?" Logan asks.

"Every time we're around James, we're gonna be reminded of his cancer just by looking at him." Carlos says softly. "We'll never get a break from thinking about it because all we'll have to do is look at him."

"Guys, as hard as this is, we have to forget about ourselves. I mean, look at what James is going through! We're all healthy, while James is fighting for his life." Kendall tells them. "It hurts all of us, but James is getting the worst of it. He needs us to be there for him, not caught up in our own problems."

He finishes the rant with a glare in Logan's direction. Since their little talk at the hospital, things have been fairly tense between the two boys.

"Here we go again." Logan grumbles, getting off the bed.

"What now?" Kendall asks impatiently.

"I know what you're thinking." Logan says as he walks to the doorway. "You're gonna start directing accusations at someone else without bothering to take a good look at yourself. You think I have problems? What about you, Kendall? You were complaining about me not telling you guys anything, but it's not like you've been very open either."

"I'm not the one smoking and hanging out with people that do nothing other than getting wasted on the weekends." Kendall retorts.

Carlos clamps his hands over his ears as Kendall and Logan start shouting at each other, holding back his tears. He can't believe they've come to this. They're suppose to be like brothers! They have never fought like this before.

"Guys!" Mama Knight shouts, getting between the two arguing boys. "What is going on?"

"Ask Logan!" Kendall says defensively. Mama Knight turns to Logan, who sniffles while staring at the floor.

"Nothing." He lies. "I'm just gonna go for a walk."

"Um, sure." Mama Knight says, watching as Logan leaves the room. Then she looks at Kendall and Carlos. "Boys? What was that?"  
>Kendall doesn't even know what to say. He's just in disbelief at how screwed up their lives have become. When he suggested forgetting about themselves, he didn't mean to stop taking care of themselves. He just meant that they need to stop being so concerned with how this situation is affecting them and start thinking about how it's affecting James. He doesn't understand why Logan got so defensive.<p>

"It was nothing, Mama Knight." Carlos lies. "Really, it...it was nothing."

* * *

><p><strong>Well, I have managed to update Living A Double Life, Unbroken, and How To Love requests in one day! Happy Easter! :D<strong>

**As you can see, things are getting worse between Kendall, Carlos, and Logan:( **

**Review! :D**


	17. Please Fix My Heart

Kendall quietly walks to his and James's bedroom after getting dressed for bed. Everyone else is already asleep, which leaves Kendall. He's been doing a lot of thinking about everything that's been going on. He doesn't even recognize his friends or his relationship with them anymore. That fight with Logan made him see just how bad things have gotten. Logan never gets that angry, but he looked like he literally wanted to punch someone. And there was so much emotion in his eyes, like nothing that Kendall has ever seen before.

He reluctantly pushes the door open, concerned when he finds James sitting up with one arm around his stomach. He looks like he's about to get sick. With the anti nausea meds that were prescribed to him, he doesn't throw up very often, but he hasn't taken the pills today.

"Mmmm." He groans, a pained look on his face.

"Shhhh." Kendall whispers, sitting next to him. "It's okay, buddy. I've got you. You're okay, bud. Just relax."

"I need to throw up." James whimpers, crying out in pain.

"Okay." Kendall says gently. "I'll bring the basin. Just hold on, okay?"

He rushes to the kitchen and grabs the basin off the counter before running back to the bedroom. He shoves the basin into James's arms and wraps his arm around the sick boy's shoulders as James violently vomits into the basin.

"It's okay." He whispers, rubbing James's back. "I'm here."

After about ten minutes, James finishes vomiting and looks at Kendall with the most pitiful expression. Kendall slowly takes the basin from him and carries it to the restroom. He hates seeing his best friend so sick.

Once he has finished cleaning the basin, he returns to their room. He takes a moment to look at James, who is wearing his grey hoodie with the hood covering his newly hairless head.

"Let's see if you can get some more sleep." He whispers, helping James lay back down. He pulls the covers over the boy's tired and sick body. James whimpers and rolls onto his side, closing his eyes. It hardly takes any time for him to fall back to sleep. All Kendall can do is shake his head and hold back tears as he goes to his own bed, prepared for another sleepless night.

* * *

><p>Around five in the morning, Carlos finds himself wide awake. The first thing he does is look over at Logan to make sure that his friend is okay. He didn't know what to think when he saw his friends yelling at each other. Logan can get cranky but never like this. Kendall confronted him about his smoking and partying, then they just started going at it. Carlos is scared. He's really scared. He knows that what Kendall said was right. They need to forget about themselves and focus on James and his well being, but it's hard when Logan is self destructing right in front of them.<p>

He quietly gets out of bed and exits the bedroom. He goes to the kitchen and pours himself a glass of milk, then he sits at the dining table. He thinks about everything that they're going through. James shaving his hair off, how sick he's gonna get, Kendall and Logan's fight, his emotional pain, the fact that Logan failed his math test last week...Yeah, Logan actually failed a test. He's great at math, so it was a shock when they saw the red F on his paper. The confusing thing is that he didn't even seem to care.

"Ugh, I feel like crap." James groans as he approaches the table, wincing as he sits down.

"Jay, you're suppose to be in bed!" Carlos says, finishing the rest of the milk.

"I feel too sick." James says softly, burying his face in his arms. Carlos's eyes fill with tears as he looks at James. This isn't the James that he knows so well. He's still James, but he's sick and tired. Carlos doesn't like that.

"At least let me take you to the couch." He says quietly. James sighs, but nods. Carlos helps him out of the chair and carefully guides him to the living room, lowering him onto the bright orange couch.

"Hey, is everything okay between you guys? You all seemed pretty tense earlier."

"Look, we're fine." Carlos lies. "Don't worry about us."

"You guys are not fine." James tells him. "It's so obvious, so I want you to talk to me. I just want you to tell me what's going on."

"Look, Kendall and Logan had a little fight, but that's all. It was nothing serious." Carlos says, lying through his teeth.

"Really? Because I was awake when I heard someone slam the front door." James tells him. Carlos groans to himself. Why won't James just let it go? He needs to be resting, not interrogating Carlos. What is Carlos suppose to say? He could tell James the truth and say that Logan has been smoking cigarettes and possibly drinking. But he would be so hurt. He doesn't need that stress.

"Carlos, please tell me." James pleads. "And don't lie."

"Fine." Carlos says reluctantly. "Jay, ever since you were diagnosed, we've all had some problems. And Logan is pretty much spiraling out of control. He's been smoking, Jay. He failed that math test last week and he's angry all the time. Also, I caught him smoking and making out with some girl at the park that one time after rehearsal and when I wouldn't let him get another cigarette, he started crying. He's pretty messed up and none of us know what to do."

James shakes his head and buries his face in his hands. He wishes that Carlos were lying to him, but he can tell just by looking at his friend that this is the truth. Why wouldn't anyone tell him? Someone needs to knock some sense into Logan.

"I've gotta talk to him." He says, standing up.

"Jay, sit back down." Carlos says, reaching for his shoulder.

James shakes his hand off and starts walking toward Carlos and Logan's room. He clenches his jaw, wondering where Logan keeps those stupid cigarettes. He'll worry about that later. He grabs the pillow from Carlos's bed and throws it at Logan.

"What the hell?" The boy yells, sitting up.

"Why would you do it?" James asks weakly. "You guys said you were fine. You are not fine! You have been lying to me this whole time!"

"What are you talking about?" Logan says nervously.

"Carlos told me you've been smoking and now I'm starting to wonder what else you've been up to. You obviously can't be trusted. Carlos, where are the cigarettes?"

"James, don't." Logan pleads as Carlos digs through his gym bag. His eyes fill with tears and he feels himself panicking as his younger friend finds the pack of cigarettes.

"Throw them out." James instructs, his voice weak with exhaustion. Logan shakes his head and tries to get to Carlos, but James grabs a hold of him and prevents him from stepping forward. He feels himself being pulled into a hug and he starts sobbing into James's chest.

"Shhh," James whispers. "It's okay, buddy."

Carlos returns to the room and almost starts crying himself. He hesitates for a moment, then he approaches his two friends and wraps his arms around them.

James frowns and wraps one arm around Carlos and keeps the other around Logan's shaking body.

* * *

><p>A few hours later, everyone is awake. Breakfast time is normally a pretty fun and lively occasion, but this particular morning is pretty awkward. Mama Knight is washing the dishes, Katie is in the living room, and the guys are still sitting at the table. None of them are speaking. Kendall and Logan still haven't spoken to each other and that bothers James. But Kendall notices that his three friends are acting different, so it's not like he's ignoring them.<p>

"Okay, what is going on? Why are you guys acting so weird?" He asks them.

"Nothing, Kendall." Carlos says quietly, staring at his empty plate.

"Really?" Kendall questions with raised eyebrows, looking at James and Logan.

"Yes, Kendall, really." James says tiredly.

"Hmm," Kendall says, giving them suspicious looks. "Okay, but if I find out that you three are lying to me, I'll be seriously peeved off."

James watches as he gets up from the table and walks over to the couch. Then he glances at Carlos and Logan, his eyes filled with sadness. He makes sure that his hood is still covering his head and he keeps his tears from falling, desperately wishing that everything could be normal again.

* * *

><p><strong>Wow, what has happened to our BTR boys? :'( They're all a mess<strong>

**Review! :D**


	18. Downward Spiral

Normally, Logan loves school. As of right now, it's the last place he wants to be. He needs something to calm himself down, but ever since Carlos ratted him out the other day, James won't let him do anything. Heck, Logan went to the pool yesterday and James sent Carlos to go with him. Seriously? What could Logan possibly do at the pool? If he wanted to smoke, he wouldn't do it in full view of the other Palm Woods guests. He'd go somewhere private.

He and Kendall still haven't spoken to each other very much. Mama Knight asked them what's going on and they had to lie and say "nothing." Logan believes that there really is nothing going on, but his friends all think that he has a problem. If they were the ones with all the guilt, they would understand. Logan just can't help thinking that James's situation is partially his fault.

"Logan, can I speak with you outside?" Miss Collins, their teacher, asks.

"Um, sure." Logan says, getting out of his seat. They were doing a worksheet for History, but Logan is having a hard time concentrating on it. He doesn't know why, but school seems much more difficult lately. He's usually the smartest person in the class, but school is the least of his worries right now. All he can think about is the fact that he possibly lowered James's chances of survival.

"Is everything alright?" Miss Collins asks. "I've noticed that your grades have been a lot lower than normal."

Ugh, she's onto him. Yes, his grades have been lower. He either gets a B, barely passes, or even fails assignments and tests. Does he care? Yeah. Is that the most important thing to him right now? Not even close.

"Logan?"

"Huh? Oh...I'm sorry about the grades." He says quietly. "I'm just going through a hard time and I'm finding it difficult to concentrate."  
>"Well, you need to start trying a little harder." Miss Collins tells him. "You can't afford to fail. It's your senior year, Logan. I know you don't wanna be in summer school."<p>

"No." Logan murmurs. They finally walk back into the classroom and Logan returns to his seat, picking his pencil back up. He glances at Kendall and Carlos from the corner of his eyes, only to discover his two friends watching him. He gives them a confused look and returns his attention to the assignment.

* * *

><p>Two days after chemo, James is feeling very weak. He hasn't left the couch all day and he doesn't plan on doing so until bedtime. He just can't bring himself to move because it's much too exhausting. He has never felt so awful in his entire life. He feels weak, sore, tired, cranky, angry, sad, stressed, so many different things. He doesn't even know what to think anymore.<p>

"Honey, are you sure you don't wanna eat anything?" Brooke asks as she enters the living room, approaching the sick boy. She and Samuel just moved into their apartment and she has been spending a lot of time with her baby boy. Poor James looks like he's in misery and she wishes that she could do something, anything to help him. She hates seeing him suffer.

"Mama, I'm fine." James says softly, closing his eyes.

"Baby, why don't you-" Brooke starts to say when Samuel suddenly interrupts her.

"Brooke, where are my shoes?"

"Which ones?" Brooke calls out, rubbing James's knee.

"The black and green Buster Clyde sneakers!" Samuel answers.

"I'll be right back, honey." Brooke says, kissing James's cheek before walking to her and Samuel's shared bedroom. James groans in discomfort, wishing that he had the strength to turn the TV off. The remote is on the coffee table and he doesn't feel like getting it himself.

He sighs as he slowly lays down, letting his head rest on the arm of the couch. He whimpers softly just as Brooke returns. He looks at her with a look of discomfort and she kneels beside him, giving his hand a squeeze. She places a kiss on the back of his hand before standing up, grabbing the blanket than was previously draped over the back of the couch, pulling it over him. She carefully removes his glasses, sits them on the coffee table, adjusts his black and blue pullover hat, and gives him a kiss on the forehead before leaving the living room.

Knock! Knock!

"Coming!" She calls out, hoping that the knocking won't wake James. He needs to get some sleep. He obviously needs it.

She pulls the door open and is surprised to see Camille standing there.

"Hi, Mrs. Diamond." She says politely. "I'm not sure if you know me, but I'm Camille Roberts. I'm a friend of James. Mama Knight said that James was here."

"Well, he's actually sleeping right now." Brooke says, keeping her voice low. "But you can still see him if you would like."

"Sure." Camille says quietly, following Brooke into the apartment. The door quietly closes and they walk into the living room. Camille feels sad when she sees her sleeping friend, almost finding it hard to recognize him. He still looks like James, but the different is that he no longer has hair and he doesn't seem interested in socializing with anyone.

"He's pretty tired." Brooke says sadly, playing with the strings on her son's bright blue hoodie. Despite his condition, he's still as stylish as ever. As a gift, Brooke got him a new pair of jeans, a white Hollister T shirt, this hoodie, and the matching pullover hat. She figured that if he has to fight cancer, he might as well look good while doing it.

"Poor guy." Camille says, grabbing James's hand. "I thought I would stop by and see how he's doing. The guys told me that he's feeling pretty bad."

"Unfortunately." Brooke says, stroking James's cheek.

"I guess I should be going." Camille says, rubbing James's shoulder. "Jay, I'm gonna leave now, okay?"

James moans softly as he opens his eyes, closing them again when Camille kisses his cheek. She gives him a sad smile and quietly says goodbye to Brooke before leaving the apartment.

* * *

><p>"Dude, essay papers are hard." Carlos complains as he, Kendall, and Logan walk out of the classroom. "I can't believe she had to assign one of those things."<p>

"Carlos, if it's difficult, ask Miss Collins for help." Kendall tells him. Carlos lets out a frustrated whine before they are interrupted by someone right behind them.

"Hey, losers!"

Tyler is the bully in Miss Collins's class. He's a singer and actor, but also a huge jerk. He loves making fun of the guys for some reason, especially Logan. They have never let it bother them, though. For the most part, he just makes a few rude remarks but never goes any farther than that. He's just really annoying.

"Where's your friend? Did he finally move back to wherever you freaks came from? I guess he wasn't able to handle the Hollywood scene."

"No, Tyler, he's just not feeling well." Kendall says coolly.

"What's wrong with him? He missed every single day of class last week." Tyler smirks, walking closer to them. "Did he get beat up? I wouldn't be surprised. Who wouldn't wanna beat him to a pulp?"

Logan clenches his jaw and his fists, trying to keep his anger under control. He has never been a violent person. In fact, he tries to avoid it. But he does not like hearing anyone talk about his friends.

"Don't _ever _talk about my friends like that." He says, his voice low.

"What are you gonna do about it?" Tyler retorts, getting closer to him.

"You don't wanna know." Logan threatens, glaring at him.

"Man, I don't think-" Kendall starts to say.

"So the nerd is trying to be the tough guy all of a sudden? Pathetic." Tyler says, giving Logan a light shove. Logan's eyes fill with anger and, without warning, he raises his fist and punches Tyler in the face.

"What was that?" Tyler yells.

"Logan, stop this right now!" Carlos says as Logan tries to attack the bully again, assisting Kendall in grabbing the angry boy. They begin dragging him toward the elevator, relieved that no one witnessed the confrontation. After a couple minutes of struggling, Logan gives up and turns around, storming into the elevator.

"What were you thinking?" Kendall says in disbelief. He can't believe what Logan just did. Does he really think that fighting is gonna help James? Not one bit! All they need to be doing is supporting their friend, not ruining their own lives! That's exactly what Logan is doing and Kendall is truly horrified. Why is Logan being like this? He refuses to give them a good reason for his behavior and that irritates both Kendall and Carlos.

"Who cares?" Logan murmurs, crossing his arms.

"We do!" Carlos says coolly.

"Logan, we are tired of watching you destroy yourself." Kendall says angrily. "It's like you don't care about anything anymore! Our best friend is battling a disease that could possibly kill him and you don't even care!"

"And it's really selfish of you." Carlos whispers as the doors open, following Kendall out of the elevator. For a moment, Logan just stands there, then he slowly begins following them.

* * *

><p><strong>I finally posted The Good, The Bad, and The Crazy, which is the sequel to Danger Island and Living A Double Life:) If you love action and suspense, I think you'll enjoy it:) I hope! :P<strong>

**Review! :D**


	19. Don't Lie

"Honey, you could have stayed with your dad and I if you wanted to." Brooke says as she and James enter apartment 2J.

"I know, but I really would like to sleep in my own bed." James tells her, stopping to watch his three friends. All three of them are sitting on the couch together, but none of them seem to be in a very good mood. Kendall has his eyes on the TV, Carlos is playing some new computer game, and Logan is typing away on his phone, the only similar thing about them being the troubled expressions on their faces. What could be wrong now?

"Okay, baby." Brooke says, kissing his cheek. "Now, I want you to sit down and rest, okay? Can you do that for me?"

"Okay." James says softly, lowering himself onto the couch. He glances at the guys as Brooke rubs his shoulders. What is wrong with them? None of them seem that close anymore and they all seem entirely focused on him. Don't they see that they're still just as important as he is? They're all struggling, yet they refuse to deal with their problems because they're too focused on him.

"Don't overexert yourself." Brooke says, kissing his cheek before walking to the front door. She gives her son a quick smile before leaving. Once she's gone, James returns his attention to his three friends. He frowns when Kendall and Logan shoot dirty looks at each other. What was that all about? Okay, James is seriously becoming concerned about them.

"You know, I'm sitting right here and no one has talked to me." He finally says, getting their attention. "Is there something wrong?"

"We're fine, buddy." Carlos says softly. That is such a lie. Carlos knows it, Kendall knows it, Logan knows, even James is probably starting to notice! Carlos knows that James is probably worried about them and he feels really bad about that. It's just that they're all hurting, but they don't wanna stress James out with their problems.

"Yeah right." James mumbles.

"Yeah, Carlos is right." Kendall insists. "You have nothing to worry about."

"Logan, who are you texting?" James asks suspiciously.

"Kim." Logan says, not looking away from his phone. Kendall rolls his eyes and looks at the TV. First, Logan punches the school bully. Now he's texting his slut of a "girlfriend." He hates to be rude, but it's true. Kendall has only seen this girl a couple of times, but she does not look like Logan's type.

"Guys, what's wrong?" James asks quietly. "I know that something isn't right, but none of you will tell me."

"Well, Logan got into a fight." Kendall finally says. That gets Logan's attention. The boy turns his phone off and sits it on the coffee table, looking at Kendall with annoyance. He knows he did wrong. It's just that Tyler (the bully, not the adorable red headed kid) was saying rude things about James and Logan didn't like that. In his opinion, Tyler deserved what he got.

"Logan, you have gotta be kidding me." James says, shaking his head.

"Look, you know that guy, Tyler? Not the little boy, but the other guy?" Logan asks. James nods, a signal for Logan to continue. "Well, he was talking trash about you, so I punched him! What is so bad about that?"

"I know you were mad and it was wrong of him to say that stuff, but you should never resort to violence." Carlos tells him.

"Why is everyone suddenly against everything I do?" Logan asks, standing up. "I defend you guys, it's wrong. I start dating a new girl, it's wrong. Tell me, when am I gonna do something that you people consider the right thing?"

"We're not trying to criticize you." James pleads.

"James, just stay out of this." Logan says before storming to his room. James finds himself realizing just how much things have changed. His friends aren't even friends with each other anymore and it breaks his heart. He has noticed the tension between them, but he thought it was just a simple argument that would be over in a few days. But it seems like they never get along anymore.

"Jay?" Carlos says timidly.

"What?" James responds, his voice cracking.

"Jay, don't be upset." Kendall begs. "We're all stressed, but we didn't mean to upset you."

He reaches out and pulls James into a hug as his sick friend starts crying, rubbing James's back. Carlos quickly stands up and walks over to them, sitting on the other side of James and wrapping his arms around his friend's waist. James is shaking with violent sobs that don't seem to be stopping yet. He cries out in despair, wishing that everything could go back to the way it was before.

"We're sorry." Carlos whispers, giving him a gentle squeeze.

"I-I've ruined e-everything!" James sobs. "Y-you guys are miserable because...because of me!"

"No." Kendall murmurs softly. "Jay, you haven't ruined anything. This is not your fault, okay? You had nothing to do with any of this. Carlos, Logan, and I are going through a hard time, but we don't want you to be upset."

James whimpers and hiccups as he struggles to stop crying and he finally succeeds. He takes slowly and shaky breaths, becoming still in Kendall's arms.

Meanwhile, Logan is standing in the doorway of his and Carlos's bedroom, listening. He tries to hold back his own tears, his heart cracking upon hearing James cry. At this moment, he feels like the worst friend in the world.

* * *

><p>"The boys and I are gonna do the interview with Pop Tiger on Wednesday." Kendall says as he sits next to James on his friend's bed.<p>

"Are you guys gonna start fighting during that, too?" James retorts.

"Jay," Kendall murmurs, rubbing his temples. "Look, I know you're mad at us and you probably have every right to be, but we don't want you to feel bad. We'll handle our problems and you just focus on beating this cancer, okay? Your health is the most important thing right now and that's all that you should be thinking about. Forget about me, Carlos, and Logan."

"You expect me to forget about you guys when Logan is smoking and getting into fights, while you and Carlos are pretending to be so strong when I know that you guys are hurting too? I can't forget about that!"

Kendall groans softly. James just isn't gonna let this go, is he? Kendall understands where he's coming from, but he really should be focusing on beating his cancer. His friends should be the least of his worries right now. Deep down, Kendall knows that he should probably just be honest about what's going on, but he doesn't wanna give James more to worry about. After all, that's the last thing he needs right now.

"I'm sorry." He says softly. "We just want what's best for you."

"And you think the best thing is to lie to me? That doesn't sound like the best thing for me. In fact, it's making me feel worse."

"Look, we'll talk about it later, okay?" Kendall insists as he stands up, pulling the covers back. He hears James grumble in frustration as the boy lays down, pulling the covers over his friend. He gives James's shoulder a squeeze, but he never gets a response. Yep, James is definitely mad. Is there anything Kendall can do to fix that? He could tell the whole truth about everything that he's feeling and what's going on, but that doesn't sound appealing either. Either way, James is gonna be upset.

* * *

><p><strong>Review! :D<strong>


	20. The Secret Is Out

_Dev, I'm bored_

**_Why are you bored?_**

_I can't do anything because I don't feel good:( Can you come over?_

**_I guess I could:) I don't have classes or work today and I'm pretty bored myself:P I'm sure we could keep each other company:)_**

_Thanks:) I haven't seen you since my last session_

**_Aww, you miss me?_**

_Yes?_

**_I miss you too, Jay:) I'll be there in a little while_**

_Bye:)_

James chuckles as he puts his phone on the end table, turning his attention to the TV. The guys are doing their interview with Pop Tiger today, which James is very nervous about, and Mama Knight took Katie to the mall, so James is all alone. His parents are still in their apartment, but he doesn't wanna bother them. He figures that it'll be fun to hang out with Devonne. She's a cool girl and she understands what he's going through. After all, she has been in his situation before.

He groans as he looks around the apartment, feeling a bit frustrated. He's way too tired to get up, but he's not really interested in watching TV. He just wants to spend time with friends right now, but his three best friends are currently telling a teen magazine about his condition. He's gonna be all over the news for weeks. People will never let this go.

He finally can't take anymore. He needs to walk around before he ends up losing his mind. Slowly, he pushes himself off the couch and begins walking away from the couch. He walks to his and Kendall's bedroom, already feeling tired. He walks over to the dresser and looks at his reflection in the mirror, almost ready to cry. He never changed out of his nightclothes, a red Nike shirt and black track pants, and he's wearing a white pull over hat to cover his hairless head. He can't even stand to look at himself anymore.

He realizes that he should get dressed before Devonne gets here, so he walks over to the closet. He searches for some clothes to wear, finally deciding on a plain white T shirt and his favorite denim jacket, as well as a pair of jeans.

It takes him about ten minutes to get dressed and once he has brushed his teeth, he returns to the couch. He closes his eyes and before he knows it, he has drifted off to sleep. He stays asleep for twenty minutes before the doorbell rings.

He sighs softly and opens his eyes, wincing when he feels the aching in his neck. He wishes that he hadn't fallen asleep sitting up. Anyway, he carefully gets up and goes to the door, looking through the peep hole before opening the door.

"I'm here!" Devonne says cheerfully, walking into the apartment. "Jay, sit back down."

"Okay, mom." James says sarcastically, a grin forming on his face. He follows her over to the couch and sits down, looking at her red leather computer bag. Why would she bring a computer? They have a computer here!

"What's that for?" He asks her.

"I thought we could play Battle Blast 5." Devonne tells him. "They came out with a version for computers. Pretty cool, right?'

"Very." James says, watching as she inserts the disk in the hard drive. A girl that loves Battle Blast? That's a very cool girl in his opinion.

"How have you been doing?" Devonne asks while waiting for the game to load.

"I guess I've been okay." James sighs. "My friends haven't, though. In fact, I think they're struggling more than I am."

"What do you mean?" Devonne asks worriedly. She hasn't known these boys very long, but she's an aspiring nurse. She cares about all of the patients and their loved ones. She knows how hard it can be when someone has cancer. Not just for the patient, but also for his or her loved ones. Her family and friends were a mess when she was sick. Heck, she isn't even friends with some of those people anymore because they avoided her while she was getting treatment.

"They either fight or ignore each other." James says softly. "Logan has been smoking, drinking, partying, and he got into a fight the other day. He and Kendall are always arguing and poor Carlos is stuck in the middle of it. The worst part is that I have no idea how to help them."

"It'll be okay." Devonne says gently, reaching out to rub his shoulder.

"I hope so." James sighs as he gets closer to her. He quickly turns his frown into a smile. "Hey, the game's loaded! Ready to get your butt kicked?"

"Real funny, Diamond." Devonne tells him. "I'm an expert at this game. I'm not about to lose this time."

"Sure you are." James chuckles.

"I am!"

"Whatever you say."

"James!"

"Hey, I'm just saying."

"You're lucky you're so cute." Devonne says before clicking Start Game. "I'll play first, then you can take your turn. Sound good?"

"Sounds great."

* * *

><p>"I guess the world is gonna know that James has cancer." Carlos says as he follows Kendall and Logan into the Palm Woods lobby.<p>

"Yep." Kendall says sadly. Logan doesn't say anything. He and Kendall haven't spoken to each other at all since Logan got into that altercation and it's killing Carlos. He doesn't want his friends to be angry with each other, especially after seeing how much it's hurting James. The poor guy started crying the other day and that made Carlos realize how important it is for them to at least try and get along.

"He really doesn't want anyone to know." Carlos says as they enter the elevator. "But we can't lie to the fans either. I guess they deserve to know the truth."

"Yeah." Kendall agrees. "Besides, it's gonna become pretty obvious anyway, so we might as well go ahead and let everyone know."

He hated telling that reporter about James, but they had to. Gustavo and Kelly told them that they needed to be honest with the public about what James is going through, so they don't get suspicious. It's better to tell the truth, even though it may be upsetting. Kendall did not enjoy that interview at all and he's glad that it's over.

"Do you guys want to eat some leftover dinosaur chicken?" Carlos asks.

"Sure." Kendall responds.

"I'm not hungry."

Kendall and Carlos look at Logan with surprise. Not hungry? He didn't eat breakfast this morning and now he's claiming that he's still not hungry? Kendall and Carlos aren't sure, but that doesn't seem right at all. He already looks bad enough. Well, he still looks like himself, but he looks tired, stressed out, and weak. Nothing like James, but still enough to get people worried about him.

"I'm not even gonna respond." Kendall says, rolling his eyes. For now, he's gonna pretend that Logan is just being dramatic. He's probably in one of his depressed moods and looking for attention. Yeah, he's just being an attention seeker. That's all it is, right?

Carlos ignores both of his friends as they all walk down the hallway. He just wants to know that James is okay. They were all a little reluctant to let James stay alone, but he insisted. They decided to go against their better judgement and let him have his way.

They enter the apartment to find James sitting on the couch with Devonne, holding a lap top. They are both laughing and for a moment, the guys can only stand there and listen as James chuckles and playfully brags about his victory. He's such a dork, but he's their dork. He wouldn't be any fun if he weren't so crazy.

"Call me Mr. Awesome." He tells Devonne.

"I am not gonna call you Mr. Awesome."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?" James asks, looking at with the "puppy dog face" that he learned from Katie. No one can resist the puppy dog face.

"Okay, Mr. Awesome!" Devonne finally says with a small laugh.

"Thank you!" James grins.

"Hey, we're back!" Kendall announces.

"Hey, guys!" Devonne says, waving at them. "Jay and I were just playing the new Battle Blast 5 game. Sadly, he beat me."

"You know you're happy for me." James chuckles softly, playfully messing up her hair. She giggles and fixes it before removing the laptop from him. She quits the game and removes it from the hard drive, puts it in it's case, then puts both the game and the computer back in the bag.

"How did the interview go?" James asks quietly.

"Um, pretty good." Logan tells him. "They said they'll post the article on their website later."

"Yay." James says sarcastically. Soon, everyone will know that James Diamond is fighting cancer at seventeen. He never wanted that, but everyone insists that it's best to tell everyone the truth. What if he doesn't want them to know? He's terrified of being looked at and talked about because of his disease.

"I'll get the chicken nuggets." Carlos says slowly before quickly going to the kitchen.

* * *

><p>"You sure you're not hungry, Jay?" Kendall asks worriedly.<p>

"Yeah," James nods. "I'm sure."

They've got the channel on Hollywood TV, waiting to see if there will be any news about James. They saw the article on Pop Tiger about an hour ago and, according to the comments, fans are pretty shocked at the news. Since the article already has so many comments, there will most likely be someone talking about the news on TV as well.

"Hey, here it is!" Carlos says frantically, pointing at the TV.

"Logan, turn it up!" Kendall says, since Logan has the remote. Logan reluctantly obeys and turns the volume up, watching the screen. A picture of a healthy James performing during the All Over The World tour is being shown, while a reporter starts breaking the shocking news.

**"A couple hours ago, Pop Tiger Magazine broke the news that Big Time Rush singer James Diamond is battling Leukemia on their website. Although the article was only posted recently, it has already gotten over a hundred comments and fans are horrified by the news that the singer is battling a life threatening disease at only seventeen years old. The article includes an interview with Diamond's bandmates about his condition and they say that their friend is "struggling but handling the situation better than anyone expected." When asked about how they're doing, Kendall Knight, Carlos Garcia, and Logan Mitchell all had similar responses. Knight stated "It's hard but we're just trying to support James the best we can. He needs his loved ones supporting him." The boys also requested that the media respect their friend's privacy, as this is a very difficult time for him."**

"Great," James says softly, standing up. "Everyone knows now."

"You knew this was gonna happen." Katie says quietly, snuggling up to Kendall. He wraps a protective arm around her shoulders and holds her close.

"Yeah, I did." James murmurs as he starts walking to his room. "I just wish it didn't have to happen."

The bedroom door closes behind him, leaving four concerned people to watch the door with sadness filling their eyes.

"Is he okay?" Mama Knight asks as she steps into the room.

"We don't know, Mom." Kendall says sadly. "We honestly have no idea."

* * *

><p><strong>I'm gonna write another How To Love request! <strong>

**Review! :D**


	21. Coming To Our Senses

Another chemo session comes and goes. Thanks to the premeds, he didn't get any nausea, but it was still a terrible experience for him. His stomach and arm were on fire, he felt exhausted, and he was just plain miserable. Now he's in the living room with the guys, trying to relax. He doesn't feel good at all. It has been two days since his third session and he feels absolutely terrible. He doesn't even wanna think about what happened as they arrived at the hospital. There were paparazzi there and as soon as they saw James, they went over to him, started snapping pictures, and asking him questions that he was not interested in answering. Didn't the guys tell the media to leave him alone?

He watches his friends carefully. They still don't seem as close as they use to be and that really hurts James. He wants to see them getting along and being there for each other like they always have. Kendall seems like he's all about babysitting James and Carlos, while treating Logan like the bad guy, Carlos seems more serious, and Logan is continuing on a downward spiral. James doesn't know what's gonna happen to them. That's what scares him the most.

He adjusts the pullover hat while still looking at the three boys. He can't do anything to fix their friendship, can he? If there is a way, he doesn't know what it is. All he wants is to see them happy again. It hurts to see them all so messed up. He has watch them hurt inside and it makes him feel even worse when they won't admit it. He asks them if they're okay and they lie to him and say that they're fine when it's so obvious that they're not.

"Logan, could you please pass the remote?" Kendall asks coolly.

"You've got hands." Logan retorts. "Get it yourself."

"Aww, do you need more cigarettes? Are you getting cranky because you haven't gotten your fix for the day?" Kendall asks him. James looks at Kendall with disbelief, shaking his head. What is Kendall thinking? Instead of taunting Logan, why doesn't he try helping him? James isn't the smartest person in the world, but he knows how to treat his friends. When a friend is possibly depressed and has turned to cigarettes and hard partying for comfort, it's not right to make fun of them. If James were Kendall, he would be trying to help Logan, instead of being such a jerk.

"Shut up." Logan says tightly.

"Kendall, stop." James says sternly.

"Why should I?" Kendall snaps, standing up. "You have cancer and he's too busy ruining his own life to care that yours could end! Maybe he was right, James. Maybe if he had gotten you to the hospital sooner, your chances of survival would be higher!"

He leaves the room and the whole apartment is silent. James's eyes almost immediately start filling with tears and he looks at Carlos and Logan. Kendall thinks he's gonna die? Logan has been blaming himself for James's illness? Why? James's chances may not be one hundred percent, but they're more than half.

"Is he right?" He asks softly.

"James, we-" Logan starts to say. But he finally just stands up and starts walking away. As he walks past the couch, James grabs his wrist. He looks away, trying to avoid letting any tears fall. No, he won't cry anymore. James is already worried enough.

"Please," James says weakly, his voice shaking. "Talk to me."

"Later." Logan says softly, pulling his hand away. The front door opens and closes, then Carlos sits next to James. He doesn't really know what to say. Truthfully, he feels neglected. It seems like Kendall is always concerned about caring for James and criticizing Logan, James is worried about the current state of Kendall and Logan's friendship, and Logan is too busy arguing with Kendall and partying. What about Carlos? What about his feelings? He doesn't recall anyone asking him about how he feels.

"What's wrong, little buddy?" James asks softly, wrapping his arm around Carlos's shoulders.

"Everyone has forgotten about me." Carlos says sadly.

"What?" James asks him. "Why would you think that?"

"You guys are all so concerned about each other, but no one has seemed that interested in how I feel. You're worried about Kendall and Logan, Kendall is worried about you and always annoyed with Logan, and Logan is more concerned with himself and fighting with Kendall, but no one has expressed any real interest in me."

"Hey," James says gently. "I'm sorry, okay? Everything is a mess right now and we're all dealing with it differently. I'm sick and Logan obviously isn't handling it well, Kendall is worried about me and angry at Logan, but you've been handling it so well. I guess we just didn't think about the possibility that you might be struggling too."

"Well, I am!" Carlos tells him. "All I can think about is that one of my best friends has cancer and my other friends can't stand each other!"

"Buddy, I don't think that Kendall and Logan can't stand each other." James tells him. "Logan is just making a lot of bad choices and Kendall's upset about that."

"I hope everything gets better soon." Carlos says quietly.

_Soon? _As much as James hates to say it, he doesn't think that this is gonna be over anytime soon.

* * *

><p>Kendall mumbles under his breath as he sits on his bed, crossing his arms. What is wrong with Logan? Doesn't he realize that James is more important right now? He's being a complete idiot when James needs their support. Instead of being there for James, he's destroying himself. He smokes, drinks, parties, hardly eats anymore, and looks terrible. Kendall is angry with Logan. However, the biggest part of him is just worried and afraid. He misses the smart guy that was always trying to keep them out of trouble. What happened to him?<p>

He needs to check on Logan. He may be incredibly frustrated, but he still cares about all three of his friends. He knows that it was wrong of him to taunt Logan a few minutes ago, but he's just so tired of Logan's attitude. But that doesn't mean that he should have brought Logan's problems into it.

He finally gets off the bed and exits the bedroom, ignoring James and Carlos as he leaves the apartment. He rides the elevator down to the lobby and goes to the pool, frowning when he doesn't see any sign of Logan. He turns around and rushes past guests, walking out to the parking garage. He hears angry voices talking and he crouches behind a white van, trying to hear what's going on. Hmm, it sounds like Wayne Wayne and...Logan.

"You are so pathetic, Mitchell." Wayne Wayne says. Pathetic? Oh, he did not just say that about Logan.

"I don't feel like going anywhere tonight!"

"So you're afraid to sneak into a bar with us? What a loser!"

"You're the real loser!"  
>THWACK!<p>

"Hey!" Kendall finally yells, standing up. He sees Logan holding a hand over his cheek, staring at Wayne Wayne with fear. He walks over to them and pulls Logan close, glaring at Wayne Wayne. "Don't you _ever _hit him again, or else."

"Oh, I'm so scared." Wayne Wayne says sarcastically. Kendall doesn't bothering responding as he watches Wayne Wayne get into the silver convertible and drive away. Once he's gone, Kendall hugs Logan tightly and whispers comforting words to him.

"Let's see what he did to you." He whispers softly, pulling Logan's hand away. A light purple bruise is forming on his left cheek. He winces as Kendall touches the bruise and Kendall's heart sinks.

"Let's get you inside, okay?" He says, leading the boy back into the Palm Woods. Luckily, no one pays them much attention and they're able to get in the elevator with no trouble. He squeezes Logan's shoulder, frowning when the boy flinches. He's not scared of Kendall, is he? Yeah, things have been weird between them lately, but they should still be able to trust each other.

"You don't have to be scared of me." He says as the doors open back up.

"I know." Logan says quietly as they leave the elevator. "I just don't want to hear you yell at me and criticize me again."

Okay, now Kendall feels terrible. He knows that he has been hard on Logan. It's just that James needs them to support him, but that doesn't mean that they should forget about anyone else. James may be sick, but that doesn't cause anyone else's level of important to change.

"I'm sorry." He whispers, ashamed of himself. But he quickly pushes his guilt aside and throws his arm around Logan's shoulders. "Let's get some ice on that."

* * *

><p>After getting Logan an ice pack from the kitchen, Kendall takes him to the living room, where James is asleep and Carlos is watching TV. They sit down, getting Carlos's attention. When he sees the ice pack that Logan is holding to his cheek, his eyes widen in shock.<p>

"What happened?" He whispers harshly.

"Wayne Wayne hit him." Kendall says sadly. Truthfully, he's still feeling guilty. James is their number one priority right now, but they have been neglecting each other. That was the wrong thing to do and Kendall knows. He's pretty sure that Carlos and Logan know it too.

"Logan, why did he hit you?" Carlos asks worriedly.

"He wanted to sneak into some bar and I didn't want to." Logan says softly. "I guess it didn't help that I called him a loser."

"But he is one, buddy." Kendall tells him.

"How's James doing?" Logan asks, watching his sleeping friend. James is laying down with a pillow under his head and a blanket covering himself, looking surprisingly comfortable. But he still looks sick and that's what hurts the most.

"He's fine." Carlos says while looking at James.

"Hey, it's getting pretty late." Kendall says, looking at the clock on the wall. "We should be getting ready for bed."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Carlos says before gently shaking James awake. "Buddy, let's get you to your bed, okay?"

"Mmm, okay." James moans, sitting up. Kendall and Logan watch as Carlos helps him up, feeling proud of their young friend. If they could only have been like him from the moment this whole thing started, forgetting about fighting with each other and just supporting James.

* * *

><p><strong>Well, Kendall and Logan are friends again:) But are the troubles over for these boys? Probably not:O<strong>

**Review! :D**


	22. Trying To Be Better

Samuel knows that he isn't the best father in the world. He knows that he could have been there for James more. Now that his son is fighting a horrible illness, he regrets his mistakes more than ever. James deserves better. He deserves all the love that they can give him and, honestly, Samuel knows that he hasn't given his son enough love. He wants to, though. Brooke went to the mall with Jennifer (Mama Knight) and left Samuel alone with their sick son.

All he can really do is stare at James, who is fast asleep on the has only had three chemo sessions and it's already affecting him. He sleeps a lot, hardly eats, and he seems so weak. Someone practically has to drag him to bed at night because he feels too tired to walk on his own. It kills Samuel, but he just doesn't know how to deal with it.

He sits next to James and continues watching the boy. He can't believe that they're actually going through this. As previously mentioned, he's not the best father in the world, but he loves his son. He knows that James shouldn't be going through this. He knows that James is going through a hard time and he hates that. He wishes that he could make everything better, but he can't. They'll just have to support James and hope that he beats the cancer.

"Mmmm..." James moans. Samuel frowns as the boy starts tossing and turn in his sleep. Reluctantly, he wraps his arm around James and pulls his son closer, gently shushing him. James whimpers as his eyes suddenly snap open and he looks at Samuel with a pitiful expression, exhaustion and pain in his eyes.

"Dad," He murmurs. "I'm tired."

"I know, bud." Samuel whispers, resting his head against James's. "You can go back to sleep."

So James falls back to sleep and Samuel keeps his arms around him.

* * *

><p>Since that night in the parking garage, Kendall has stopped being angry with Logan. No, his anger has quickly turned into constant concern for his friend. Logan isn't hanging out with Wayne Wayne anymore, but he's still depressed. He <em>never<em> smiles and he looks so stressed all the time. Kendall doesn't know what to do anymore. James has problems, Logan has problems, Kendall isn't too sure about Carlos, and he isn't feeling so great either.

Now they are sitting in front of the TV, even though they aren't really watching it. Carlos is listening to his MP3 player, Logan is reading a magazine, and Kendall is trying to watch the TV, but he finds himself keeping a close eye on the other two boys. James's mom wanted him to spend the day bonding with his dad so she could go to the mall with Mama Knight, Katie decided to go to the pool for a while, and the guys chose to stay in 2J.

Carlos doesn't seem as happy and overly excited anymore. He only seems interested in hanging out with James, but he acts weird around Kendall and Logan. He always wants to take care of James and that's great, but Kendall doesn't really understand why he's ignoring his other friends.

"You guys want something to eat?" He asks carefully.

"Okay." Carlos says quietly.  
>"Logan?"<p>

"No." Logan responds, keeping his eyes on the page.  
>"Come on." Kendall pleads. "You need to eat something."<p>

Logan sighs as he closes the magazine, looking at Kendall. No, he's not hungry. He just wants to be left alone, but he knows that Kendall won't do that until he eats. If that's all it takes to get some peace and quiet around here, then so be it.

"Okay." He says softly. He flinches as Kendall pats his shoulder.

While Kendall is in the kitchen, Carlos removes his earbuds and sits his MP3 player on the coffee table. He's glad that there hasn't been any fighting since Kendall helped Logan after he got hit by Wayne Wayne, but things are still awkward in 2J. They all try to put on a happy face for James, but even he can probably tell that things still aren't right. James may not be the brightest, but he's not stupid.

"Hey, are you mad at us?" Logan asks him.  
>"What? No! Why are you asking?" Carlos responds.<p>

"Because you've hardly talked to us all week."

"Well, I just haven't felt like talking very much." Carlos shrugs. "What's so wrong about that?"

"I...don't know." Logan says weirdly. Before Carlos can respond, Kendall returns with a plate of Mama Knight's delicious snickerdoodles. He and Carlos eagerly grab one, but Logan only sits in silence until Kendall finally hands one to him. He really isn't in any mood to eat right now, but Kendall will never leave him alone until he does. So he slowly eats the cookie and swallows it. He hopes that Kendall's happy now.

"All better." Kendall says proudly.

"Yay." Logan says before grabbing the magazine he was reading.

"Hey, let's go and check on James." Carlos tells them. That sounds like a pretty good idea to them. James has only been at his parents apartment for about three hours, but the guys already miss him. Plus, they tend to be paranoid when it comes to being away from him. They're always afraid that he'll get sick or hurt and need someone to take him to the hospital.

"Um, maybe I'll just stay here." Logan says, never looking away from the magazine.

"Please come with us." Carlos pleads.

How can Logan say no to that? Carlos is one of those people that just has to beg and look at someone with a sad face to get what he wants. As much as Logan hates to admit it, he can't resist.

"Fine." He whispers before following them.

"Hey, do you guys think that James's dad is taking care of him or just ignoring him as usual?" Carlos asks. He doesn't really have a very high opinion of Samuel Diamond. He doesn't seem to have the kind of relationship with James that a father should have with his son. They all know that it makes James feel bad when his father ignores him and they can't stand the pain that Samuel has put their friend through. Although it sucks that James has cancer, it might knock some sense into Samuel and make him realize what an amazing son he has. He'll realize that you should appreciate what you have because you never know when it could be taken away from you.

After a brief moment of silence, Kendall speaks up.

"I hope so, buddy."

* * *

><p>"Do you feel sick?" Samuel asks as James whimpers.<p>

James shakes his head but he still has a look of discomfort on his pale face. He whimpers again and buries his face in Samuel's chest, shaking slightly. Samuel tightens his arms around the sick boy and places a gentle kiss on his head, which is covered by the pullover hat he is always wearing. Samuel wants to cry so badly, but he wants to be strong for James. He has been a terrible father to James, never the kind of father he should have been. He wants to show James and everyone else that he really is capable of caring for his son.

"I'm so tired." James whispers, closing his eyes. "But I can't sleep."

"Why?" Samuel asks worriedly.

"I don't know." James sighs, groaning when he hears the front door open. Ugh, he doesn't want any visitors right now. It has been almost a week since his last chemo session and he does feel a little better, but not too much. He still feels pretty tired and he's experiencing some muscle pain. He's just experiencing a lot of discomfort.

"Just stay here." Samuel says, letting James rest his head on the pillow. He leaves the room and James closes his eyes, making yet another attempt at falling asleep. Why does cancer have to be such a pain? In fact, why does it have to exist? He's never been so uncomfortable in his whole life.

"Hey, boys." He hears his dad say, followed by some quiet whispers. It must be Kendall, Carlos, and Logan coming to check on him. He supposes that he wouldn't mind seeing his friends. He hasn't seen them since this morning and he has really missed them.

Footsteps enter the room and James carefully sits up, sitting some pillows up against the headboard and leaning back into them.

"Hey, buddy." Carlos says as he sits on the bed, reaching out to hug James.

"Hey." James says softly, returning the hug. He gives all three of his friends a weak smile but it disappears as fast as it came. He's seriously thinking about asking Doctor Barlow to prescribe some pain medication. He could really use some.

"How are you feeling?" Kendall asks him.

"Tired." James says with a small chuckle. "What about you guys?"

"Us?" Logan questions. "We're fine."

James resists rolling his eyes. He doesn't know why they can't just admit when something is bothering them. They think they're helping him by keeping their feelings to themselves, but it's really just making James feel worse.

"Um..." Carlos hesitates, glancing at Kendall and Logan. "Have you...talked to Devonne lately?"

"She called yesterday, remember?" James says weirdly. "Why?"

"Because you have a crush on her and as your best friends, we deserve to know what's going on between you and your girlfriend." Kendall teases, trying to lighten the mood.

"I don't have a crush on her." James denies. "First of all, she is three years older than me. Secondly, Logan is the one that got her phone number when I was first diagnosed. If anything, I think she should go for him."

"James, I gave the number to you because I know how much you like her." Logan reminds her. "I don't even talk to her that much. We know that you're just trying to take the attention off of your crush on her."

"I am trying to do no such thing!" James argues.

"I'm not so sure about that." Logan whispers.

"You guys are so mean." James says, burying his face in his hands. "Now, I am exhausted, so I would like to try and get some sleep. Could we talk about this later?"

"Sure." Kendall says, helping James lay back down. "Do you want us to stay here with you?"

"Yeah." James says softly. "I would like that."

So the three boys do so, staying next to James and watching as he closes his eyes.

* * *

><p><strong>Aww, these boys are so adorable:) <strong>

**Review! :D**


	23. Injured

"Hey, where are you guys going?" James asks when he sees the guys walking to the door, dressed in basketball shorts and T shirts. He also notices that Kendall is holding a basketball, so they must be going to the basketball court out back. James would like to join them. Since he was diagnosed, he hasn't been able to do as much as he use to. No hockey, no swimming, just going to chemo sessions and watching TV. It's so boring.

"We're gonna shoot some hoops." Kendall responds.

"Can I come?" James asks quietly.

"Jay, we don't know if that's such a good idea." Carlos tells him. James sighs in disappointment. He really needs to get out of this apartment for a while or he's gonna end up going insane. He cannot stand being trapped in one place all the time. It's not gonna hurt him to go to the basketball court for a little while.

"Please?" James pleads. "I'll just watch you guys."

Kendall, Carlos, and Logan look at their sick friend, feeling a bit apprehensive. They really think that he should stay in 2J and rest, but they also realize that he's probably tired of being in the apartment. Maybe he should get out for a little while.

"Alright." Kendall says as he hands the basketball to Carlos, walking over to James. Carefully, he helps James off the couch and begins guiding him toward the door. Even walking seems to tire him out.

"Do you need your wheelchair?" Logan asks him.

"No, I'm fine." James lies.

Fine? James is not fine. He has cancer and it's ruining him. He shouldn't be using the word "fine" in his vocabulary because it's not true. James is just trying reassure them, but Logan doesn't think that "fine" is an appropriate word in their situation. He's just so tired of everyone pretending that everything is okay.

"Let's just go." He says, trying to hide the bitterness in his voice. Behind him, James is leaning on Kendall, confused by his behavior. Is Logan angry with him? Did he do something wrong? If so, Logan should really tell him because he has no idea. It seems like Logan even resents James these days and that really hurts.

"Buddy, maybe we _should _get the wheelchair." Carlos says, rubbing his back.

"Seriously, I don't need it." James insists. While they are in the elevator, his head rests on Kendall's shoulder and he nearly falls asleep, but the elevator dings and he is forced to leave. Inside his head, he is complaining about having to walk this far, but he sucks it up and pretends that it isn't bothering him.

They finally arrive at the basketball court and Kendall helps James over to a lawn chair, where he quickly lays down. He closes his eyes and almost immediately falls asleep. Kendall gently pats his shoulder and walks over to Carlos and Logan, who both look very worried about James. Kendall is worried too. The doctors said that he would become very tired, but that doesn't lessen the blow of seeing their friend change right before their eyes.

"Let's play." He says, taking the ball from Carlos and tossing it into the hoop. Then Carlos picks it up and starts bouncing it while running toward the hoop, while Kendall and Logan block him. He gets past them and tosses the ball into the room. He high fives Kendall and Logan, then they continue the game.

But they never see the spilled drink in the middle of the court. When Logan takes the ball from Carlos and starts going toward the hoop, he slips and falls to the concrete, his ankle twisting on the way down. A loud crack is heard and his friends know exactly what happens. For a moment, all they can do is stare, but when their friend screams out in pain, they rush to his side.

"Logan? Buddy, are you okay?" Kendall asks, touching Logan's shoulder. Logan cries out in pain and reaches for his right ankle, tears of pain streaming down his face. By now, James has woken up and is now watching them with concern in his eyes.

"Guys, what's going on?" He asks, slowly standing up.  
>"Logan's hurt." Kendall says, trying to keep his cool. Logan does not need them to be freaking out right now. He needs someone to get him some help. "Carlos, call an ambulance."<p>

Carlos quickly starts digging through his gym bag for his cell phone, while Kendall tries to comfort Logan. He rubs the boy's shoulder with a comforting hand, but it's not doing too much. Logan's face is filled with pain and Kendall doesn't know how to make it better. Chances are, only a doctor will be able to help him.

"Kendall, it hurts." Logan chokes out.

"I know, buddy." Kendall says gently, squeezing his hand.

"An ambulance is on its way." Carlos tells them, looking at Logan with sympathy.

"Look," Logan says with a pain filled voice. "Carlos, just...Just go and check on James for me, okay? I-I'll be f-fine."

"Okay." Carlos says before going to check on their other friend. James is looking at Logan, concern on his face. Carlos sits next to him and wraps an arm around his shoulders, giving him a gentle squeeze.

"Carlos, what's going on?" James asks, trying to stand up. "What happened to him?"

"Someone spilled their drink and Logan slipped." Carlos says, rubbing his back. "I think he hurt his ankle, but he'll be fine."

"He's in pain, Carlos!" James says, finally getting off the lawn chair. Ignoring Carlos's protests, he runs to Logan and kneels by his injured friend, reaching for his other hand.

"James, go and lay back down." Logan says, trying to sound firm. But it comes out more shaky and painful than he intended.

Before they can say anything else to him, paramedics rush through the backdoor and over to Logan, pushing the other boys out of the way.

"Hey, he has cancer!" Logan argues when he sees how one paramedic just shoved James out of the way. "Be careful with him."  
>"Sorry, buddy." The man says before touching Logan's right ankle, causing him to cry out in pain.<p>

Kendall and Carlos hold onto James while Logan is lifted onto a stretcher and taken to the ambulance.

"We've gotta get to the hospital." James says anxiously, exhaustion in his voice.

"We will." Kendall says softly as they start walking into the building. James hates that Logan got hurt. In fact, he hates a lot of things that have happened in the past couple of months. Him getting cancer, Logan smoking and basically becoming a complete mess, friendships being challenged, and whatnot. He hates all those things and he wishes that none of it had to happen.

* * *

><p>The boys arrive at the hospital twenty minutes later. They have been waiting for about two hours now and they're quickly becoming impatient. James doesn't really have to be impatient because he fell asleep as soon as they sat down in the waiting room. As of right now, his head is on Carlos's shoulder, while Kendall gently rubs his back. Kendall started out pretty shocked when he noticed how easy it was for James to fall asleep, but he has gotten use to it. The cancer is wreaking havoc on James's body.<p>

"Guys?" Devonne questions, walking over to them. "What are you doing here?"

"We were playing basketball and Logan jacked up his ankle." Carlos says tiredly, patting James's hand.

"I hope he's okay." Devonne says, touching James's pale cheek. "How's Jay been doing?"

"He's always so tired." Carlos sighs, looking at the sleeping boy. "And he gets sick every morning until he finally gets his anti nausea meds."

Jay? Devonne usually just calls him by his real name. And Kendall could hear the worry and affection in her voice. Truthfully, he's not sure that he likes that. It's great that she cares about James, but he needs to be focusing on beating his illness. Sometimes Kendall gets the impression that Devonne has a crush on James and that's the last thing that James really needs right now.

"Look, I've gotta get back to work, but I'll talk to you guys later." Devonne says, kissing James's cheek before leaving the waiting room.

"Whoa," Carlos says. "Did you see what she did?"

"I know." Kendall says bitterly. "I want James to focus on his treatment and I don't want _her _distracting him."

"I-" Carlos starts to say, but a doctor interrupts them. She is a fairly young woman in her late thirties, blonde hair falling down her back and glasses over her blue eyes. What's most noticeable about her is the kindness and understanding in her eyes.

"Are you guys here for Logan Mitchell?" She asks. "By the way, I'm Doctor Carlisle."

"Yeah, that's us." Kendall says, getting out of his chair. "How is he doing?'

"He broke his ankle, but it wasn't as serious as it could have been." Doctor Carlisle explains. "Is there are parent or guardian with you boys?"

"Our guardian went to San Francisco for the day." Kendall tells her. "Couldn't you just tell us?"

"Okay." Doctor Carlisle sighs. "It'll probably take six to eight weeks to heal and as long as he takes care of it, it shouldn't take any longer than that. For the first forty eight hours, I want him to wrap some ice in a towel and put it on his ankle for twenty minutes, then remove the ice for twenty minutes. Keep doing this for the first forty eight hours. He'll need to walk with crutches until his ankle is healed, okay? He cannot put any weight on it. And he needs to keep it elevated! I also have a prescription for some pain medication. It'll make the pain more bearable. For tonight, I want him to spend the night just to be safe, but he should be able to go home tomorrow."

It's a good thing that Kendall has such a good memory. Carlos would never be able to remember all that information.

"Can we see him?" Carlos asks hopefully.

"Of course." Doctor Carlisle smiles. "He's in room 115."

As much as Carlos hate to do this, he shakes James's shoulder to wake the boy up, frowning when James whines softly.

"You can sleep more later, okay?" He says gently as he and Kendall help James up. They begin making their way out of the waiting room and down the hallway until they finally arrive at 115. Kendall doesn't hesitate to push the door open and walk into the room, giving Logan a sympathetic look.

"How are you feeling, buddy?" He asks, sitting by Logan's bedside. "Does your ankle hurt?"

"You have no idea." Logan mumbles, staring at the lime green cast on his right ankle. He's so glad that he was given some pain medication because if it weren't for that, he would be screaming his head off.

"You'll be out of here tomorrow." Carlos says as he helps James into another chair.

"How are you doing, Jay?" Logan asks, watching his friend.

"Well, I was taking a wonderful name, but Carlos decided to wake me up." James mumbles, closing his eyes.

"Guys, why don't you take him home? He looks exhausted." Logan says softly, looking at Kendall.

"What about you?" Kendall asks worriedly.  
>"Kendall, I have a broken leg but James has cancer. Who's more important here?"<p>

"Um, good point." Kendall agrees. "Carlos, let's take James home. Logan, we'll be back later, okay?'

"That's fine." Logan says with a soft smile. Kendall and Carlos give him half hearted waves, then they proceed to help James back up and carefully lead him from the room.

Once they are gone, Logan closes his eyes, exhausted from today's events. He wasn't expecting it to turn out so crazy. He wasn't expecting a fun game with his friends to end with a trip to the hospital. Gosh, what else can go wrong?

* * *

><p><strong>Uh oh...Logie got hurt:( Poor guy<strong>

**Anyway, guess what I did! I've been playing Sims 3 and I made a sims version of the guys and Jenna (from the How To Love series)**

**Yeah, I've always wanted to do that:)**

**Anyway, please review! :D**


	24. Trying To Stay Strong

After taking James back to the Palm Woods, Kendall and Carlos returned to the hospital to spend time with Logan. Luckily, Camille and Lucy offered to take care of him while they're gone. For the most part, Logan hasn't really said much all day. He has been complaining about the pain in his ankle, so he was given more pain medication. He still doesn't feel very good, though. Combining exhaustion with pain is never a good thing.

He can't believe that it's almost ten and his friends are still here. They should be at home with James, who needs them way more than he does. Logan just has a broken ankle. A broken ankle won't kill him. Cancer is life threatening. Anyway, Logan doesn't know how anyone could stand to be with him. James is sick and all Logan has done is drink, smoke, party, hang out with all the wrong people, and make everyone miserable. He doesn't deserve to have anyone.

He looks around the small room, then his eyes land on his two friends. Why are they still here? What has he done to deserve them? He has stressed everyone out even more than they already are. Sometimes he thinks that he shouldn't even be in the same home as them. He wouldn't be able to stand being around someone like himself. He's amazed that no one has kicked him out.

He looks at the knee high cast on his leg, his eyes filling with tears. He wishes that he could feel like his old self again. He wants everything to be okay. Everything has been so messed up since James was diagnosed and Logan hates it more and more every day. And he knows that he has probably made it harder on everyone. Instead of screwing up his own life, he should be focusing on supporting James and making life easier for him. Logan feels like such a terrible friend.

"Hey, why haven't you guys went home yet?" He asks quietly.

"We wanna stay here with you" Carlos responds. "To make sure that you're okay."

"I'll be fine." Logan murmurs. "Just go home and take care of James. He needs you guys way more than I do."

"Um, you sure you don't want us to stay?" Kendall asks him.

"Look, you'll be back tomorrow to pick me up." Logan tells him. "Please just go home, get some sleep, and make sure that James is taken care of. I'll be fine here for one night, okay? Don't worry about me."

"Okay," Kendall says quietly, leaning over to give him a hug. "Take care, buddy."

"We'll see you tomorrow." Carlos says, hugging the injured boy.

"Bye." Logan murmurs, watching as they walk out the door. Once they are gone, his tears start falling. He just doesn't understand what he did to deserve such great friends. Mama Knight, Katie, Kendall, James, and Carlos have been putting up with him for two or three months now (He has lost track of time, but it's been somewhere around two or three months) and Logan doesn't know how they've done it. He wants to become a better person. Sadly, he doesn't know where to start.

* * *

><p>The next day, Logan is released from the hospital with instructions to rest as soon as he gets home. He doesn't mind because he's tired anyway. Yesterday tired him out and walking around on crutches is pretty exhausting.<p>

As he limps into the lobby, he can feel all eyes on him. It makes him feel uncomfortable to be getting so much attention. He knows that everyone saw him being wheeled out of the Palm Woods on a stretcher and he's embarrassed. He hopes that people will start cleaning up their messes so accidents like this don't happen again.

"Logan?" Camille questions as she approaches the three boys. "I heard what happened. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, it's just a broken ankle." Logan responds.

"Well, you should probably go and get some rest." Camille says. "I guess I'll talk to you later."

Then she returns to the pool with Steve, while Kendall and Carlos walk on each side of Logan as they enter the elevator. Sometimes Kendall wishes that Camille and Steve would break up so she and Logan could get back together. She seemed to make Logan really happy when they were together and maybe he would cheer up if he could be with Camille again.

"Has James been doing okay?" Logan asks them.

"Yeah," Carlos nods. "He's just really tired. When we left to pick you up, he was taking a nap on the couch."

Logan sighs softly as the elevator dings. He limps down the hallway and tries to ignore the aching in his ankle. He was prescribed some pain medication and he's thinking about taking some in a minute. He doesn't want to be dealing with this pain for the next six to eight weeks, so pain medication sounds pretty good.

"Don't walk too fast." Kendall says as he opens the apartment door. They let Logan go in first, then they enter the apartment. First, they help Logan to his bed. Carlos sits his crutches against the wall next to the bed while Logan lays down and pulls the covers over himself. He flinches as he lifts his right leg, letting Kendall place a pillow under it.

"Get some rest." Carlos says as he sits the bottle of pain meds on the end table, proceeding to follow Kendall out of the room.

Logan stares up at the ceiling, closing his eyes. But he finds that he can't fall asleep. His ankle hurts way too much. Maybe he should take some of those pills now. The doctor did say that they would lessen the pain.

He sits up and stares the small bottle on the bedside table. He slowly reaches for it and reads the labeling. He's only suppose to take one tablet, but maybe two won't hurt. So he takes two pills and swallows them, disappointed when he doesn't feel the effects right away. But he soon begins to feel himself relaxing and he lets his head hit the pillow, his eyes closing. He feels better now. He really does.

* * *

><p>"Logan's okay?" James asks softly.<p>

"He's fine, sweetie." Mama Knight says, handing him a plate of cheese and crackers. "Hey, I made you a snack in case you're hungry."

"Thanks." James says softly, taking one of the snacks and swallowing it. He eats one more and after that, he decides that he can't eat anymore. At least not right now. So he sits the plate on the coffee table. Mama Knight decides to leave them there, just in case he gets hungry again. She kisses his forehead before returning to the kitchen, smiling at Kendall and Carlos as they leave Kendall and James's bedroom.

"Mom, I'm going to the pool." Katie says, walking toward the door.

"Be careful." Mama Knight tells her. Katie leaves the apartment and Mama Knight looks at the two boys. "So I tried to give James something a snack, but he only ate a little bit."

"At least he ate something." Kendall says, hugging his mom.

"I guess." Mama Knight says, returning the hug. "Boys, go and keep James company while I check on Logan, okay? I think he's getting lonely."

Kendall and Carlos nod and walk to the living room, watching their sick friend with sympathy. They sit on each side of him and watch him carefully. Carlos finally wraps his arms around James, sniffling heavily. James groans weakly and Carlos thinks it's because of him, so he backs off. Then he frowns when James shakes his head.

"Carlos, it's fine." He says softly. "It's not you. I just don't feel good."

Carlos nods and reluctantly hugs James once again, resting his head on the boy's shoulder.

"We're sorry, buddy." Kendall says, rubbing his back.

"Don't worry about it." James tells him. "Please don't."

Meanwhile, Mama Knight is in Logan's room, watching the injured boy. She sits on the edge of the bed and rubs his arm, staring at his sleeping face. She's the one that has been raising James, Carlos, and Logan since they all moved to LA. She has been there to take care of them when they were sick, hold them whenever they cried, she has always known what to do to help them. Why not now? Why does it seem like she can no longer figure out how to make things better for them.

She touches Logan's cheek, staring at him with sadness. Why does everything bad keep happening to these boys? They certainly don't deserve it. Kendall, James, Carlos, and Logan are such sweet boys, certainly not deserving of everything they've been through. If Mama Knight could do anything, she would make their pain go away. She would make it go away and make sure that it never came back.

* * *

><p><strong>Review! :D<strong>


	25. Tired

Devonne sits behind the main desk at the hospital, doodling in a notebook to keep herself busy. Her shift will be over soon, then she's gonna head to James's chemo room to see how he's doing. She was asked to spend the last two hours of her shift at the main desk and, as much as she loves her job, just sitting at a desk can be kind of boring. Her favorite volunteer job is spending time with the patients. Secretly, James is her favorite.

When she looks at her watch again, she sees that it's time for her to get off work. She gets out of her chair and grabs her purse, informing one of the nurses that she's getting off of work. The woman goes to get another secretary to work the desk, while Devonne walks toward the elevator. She hopes that the chemo isn't making James too sick. Doctor Barlow changed his pre meds after the first time and the new medicine seemed to work well for him.

The elevator doors open once again and she walks toward the Cancer Ward. James is in room 323 this time. So she walks down the hallway and around the corner, walking until she arrives at the correct room. The door is closed to give James some privacy. He doesn't need any excited fans in his room while he's in this condition. Anyway, Devonne slowly pushes the door open, giving James and his friends a smile.

James looks half asleep. He's wearing a Superman T shirt, a black baseball cap, and his glasses. His mom is holding his hand and whispering comforting words to him. He looks much thinner than the last time Devonne saw him. It's almost scary how much he has changed in just a little more than three months.

"I just got off work." She says, walking over to the bed. "I thought I would stop by and say hi to my favorite guy."

She gives James a playful smile as she sits on the bed, taking his hand in hers. He slowly opens his eyes and looks at her, exhaustion in his eyes. He sighs softly and Devonne touches his cheek. He seems too tired to talk, which worries her.

"How are you feeling?" She asks softly.

"Tired." James murmurs. "Sick."

"And what about you guys?" She asks his friends. Kendall, Carlos, and Logan are sitting in three chairs on the right side of his bed. They all look so exhausted and stressed out. Devonne hates that they have to go through this. She hates to see _anyone _go through this. She still remembers when it was her in the hospital bed and her loved ones sat by her side, wondering if she would ever survive such an ordeal.

In response to her question, they just shrug.

"I need sleep, but I feel too sick." James says, his face displaying pain and discomfort. "Mom, dad, someone tell the doctor to give me some sleeping pills."

"Baby, I don't think that's such a good idea." Brooke says gently, rubbing his shoulder in a calming motion. He looks like he's experiencing serious discomfort and it's upsetting to everyone, but Brooke doesn't think that James should take sleeping pills. She has heard that they can be addictive. She doesn't want her son to become a drug addict.

"Um, why don't you ask the doctor if it's okay?" Logan suggests.

"Please?" James asks softly, looking at his mom.

"Okay." Brooke sighs, kissing his forehead before leaving the room.

"I thought sleeping pills can interfere with chemotherapy." Samuel says as he sits in the newly empty chair. He reaches for James's hand and gives it a squeeze, listening as James whimpers in pain.

"Yeah, he may not be able to take them." Mama Knight says, squeezing James's other hand.

"Ugh, fantastic." James mumbles, rolling onto his side.

"Sweetie, you can't take sleeping pills." Brooke says sympathetically as she returns to the room. James whines softly and closes his eyes, hoping that sleep will come.

"I'm gonna go down to the cafeteria." Logan says as he uses his crutches to push himself into a standing position, patting James's shoulder before leaving the room. As soon as he's inside the elevator, he digs through his pocket for the painkillers. He quickly swallows two of them and stuffs them back into his pocket just as the doors open. He limps out of the elevator and toward the cafeteria, feeling a strange sense of relaxation come over him.

He finally collapses into a chair, letting his crutches drop to the floor.

"You dropped these."

He looks up, surprised to see Camille holding his crutches.

"W-what are you doing here?" He stammers.

"I was gonna visit James, but I talked to Kendall on the phone and he said that James is half asleep." Camille says, sitting across from him. "He needs to get plenty of rest before he has anymore visitors." She stares at her ex boyfriend with concert. "You need to keep your ankle elevated."

She gets a chair and takes her jacket off, creating a makeshift pillow and putting it on the chair before helping Logan lift his leg onto it. She starts talking to him about something else, but he's not paying any attention.

Logan can't believe that he has become such a mess. Ever since he broke his ankle, he has been taking those pain pills, sometimes taking them when he isn't even in pain. Even worse, he's only suppose to take one, but he'll take two or three at one time. He knows that what he's doing is wrong, but he can't stop. He _needs _those pills so much that it's pathetic. A normal person would only take them if he or she was truly in physical pain. Logan mostly takes them to numb his emotional pain.

"Logan? Logan!"

He snaps out of his thoughts and looks at Camille with confusion.

"I said that Steve and I broke up." Camille says weirdly. "Are you okay? Because you're acting really weird."

"I'm sorry." Logan says quietly. "Why did you and Steve break up?"

"We finally realized that we weren't as compatible as we thought we were." Camille sighs. "But now I wanna talk about you. What's going on? You're not the same sweet, happy guy that I use to know."

"Well, I broke my ankle, it hurts like hell, and my best friend has cancer." Logan mutters sarcastically. "What's not going on?"

Camille frowns at his odd behavior, but reluctantly chooses to ignore it.

"Logan, everyone is worried about you." She says, reaching for his hand. "You're not the same anymore."

Logan stares at her. Is anything the same anymore?

* * *

><p><strong>I hope this chapter isn't too short:P <strong>

**Review! :D**


	26. Breaking Down

James can't sleep, so he decided to just get out of bed. You know, despite the fact that it's only five thirty in the morning. Getting out of bed was hard considering how weak he is, but sometimes he just feels too sick to sleep. Of course, he does have days where he sleeps more than normal. It's horribly uncomfortable, but James has unfortunately had to get use to it. He hopes that he'll eventually be able to get his normal sleeping habits back.

He has been sitting on the couch, watching TV for the past thirty minutes. Then he hears someone entering the living room and he looks up to see Logan. He gives his friend softly smile as the boy lowers himself onto the couch.

"Keep your leg elevated." He reminds Logan.

Logan sighs softly as he lifts his right leg onto the couch, allowing James to place a pillow under it. Neither boy says anything at first, but James finally breaks the silence.

"Are you okay?" He asks softly.

"James, will you please stop asking me that?" Logan says tiredly. Really, he doesn't need people asking him if he's okay. He's fine! Maybe he does act more quiet than normal and he disappears from the apartment a couple times during the day, but there's nothing wrong with that. Why would that give them any reason to be suspicious?

"You are not fine." James says sternly. "Don't lie to me."

"For the last time, _I am fine._" Logan says through gritted teeth.

"If you're fine, why are you getting so angry with me?" James says weirdly.

"Fine! You want me to tell you the truth? Fine by me!" Logan snaps. "I made things worse for you! You were experiencing all those symptoms for, like, two months before we finally got you to the hospital. I'm the smart one of the group and I should have known sooner. If I had, we could have gotten help for you sooner and your chances of survival would probably be higher! I ruined your life and I just feel like..."

He breaks down crying as he sits up. James's own eyes fill with tears as he reaches out to Logan, pulling his distraught friend into a hug. He squeezes Logan tightly, whispering comforting words to him. Logan continues sobbing quietly, shaking in James's arms. James can't believe that Logan still blames himself. He doesn't even realize that while James's chances of survival aren't one hundred percent, they're still close. All he can think about is blaming himself and that hurts James.

"You didn't do anything, buddy." He whispers, rubbing Logan's back. "It wouldn't have mattered if I had gotten to the hospital sooner. I would still be sick."

Logan shakes with sobs as he buries his face in James's shoulder. James can't stand to hear his friend cry, but he doesn't know what to do.

"Hey," He says softly. "Look at me."

Logan sniffles and whimpers as he looks at James. His eyes are red and puffy and his cheeks are stained with tears, not to mention that his face is pale. Quite frankly, looking at Logan right now almost makes James want to cry.

"You did not do anything wrong, okay? You did not lower my chances of survival." He says gently. "Now, I want you to cheer up."

"I've been messing up a lot lately." Logan says softly. "I've been doing things that I really regret. I just don't know how to stop."

"Logan, what are you-" James frowns. Suddenly, someone knocks on the door. He sighs softly and squeezes Logan's shoulder before standing up. He walks to the door and opens it to find Devonne standing in the hallway.

"Hey, what are you doing out of bed?" She asks worriedly.

"Couldn't sleep." James sighs. "So Logan and I are just...hanging out."

"It's too early and you both should be in bed." Devonne tells him. "I came over because I thought Mama Knight would answer the door and I could drop off these delicious chocolate chip cookies I made."

"Well, she's still asleep." James says, smiling weakly as he takes the plate from her. "You wanna come in?"

"I wouldn't wanna disturb anyone." Devonne says quietly.

"It's okay." James says, leading her into the apartment. He sits the plate on the bar before following Devonne into the living room, watching as she gives Logan a look. He stays silently as he lifts his leg back onto the couch, a pillow underneath it.

"Has he been crying?" Devonne whispers worriedly, glancing at Logan.

"He's just stressed out." James says quietly before sitting down. Devonne frowns as she sits next to him and wraps her arms around him, pulling him into a hug. He closes his eyes and tries to relax. He's starting to feel tired again. It's a good thing because he really would like to get some sleep.

"Thanks for coming over." He murmurs.

"No problem, Jay." Devonne says, holding him close.

While Devonne is talking to James, Logan watches them. He feels so broken. James told him that he hasn't done anything wrong, not realizing that he has done a lot wrong. The smoking, the drinking, the drugs, everything. He feels so out of control and James doesn't even know it. He hates lying, but he has to do it for now.

* * *

><p>"Devonne? What are you doing here?" Kendall questions as he walks into the living room.<p>

"Well, I'm visiting my parents in San Diego for the weekend, but I wanted to drop off a plate of cookies I made for you guys." Devonne tells them. "I didn't really wanna come so early, but since I'm gonna gone, it's the only time I could think of."

"Thanks." Kendall says softly. "How were James and Logan?"

"I guess they were okay." Devonne says, kissing James's cheek. "They finally fell asleep."

"I'm kinda worried." Kendall admits, sitting next to her. "James is always so tired and Logan isn't doing much better. I feel like we're all kinda messed up."

"I know what you mean." Devonne agrees. "When I was sick, my whole family was a wreck. My sister Brittany is eighteen and when I was sick, she completely spiraled of control. She even started self harming, but we finally convinced her to enter a treatment program. She's doing much better now."

"I couldn't stand the thought of my loved ones hurting themselves." Kendall says softly.

"I think you boys are really strong." Devonne tells him. "You're all going through a hard time, but you're getting through it together."

Kendall sighs softly and shrugs. She doesn't even know what has really been going on. She thinks that they're doing just fine, but she has no idea. Heck, does she even realize how messed up Logan is? She probably understands James's situation because she use to have cancer herself, but she probably doesn't know how bad Logan has fallen. She doesn't understand Kendall or Carlos either. Kendall is stuck trying to keep the group together and Carlos is trying to stay positive, but it's too hard. When out in public, they put on a real good show, but no one sees just how much they're hurting inside.

"You don't understand, do you?" He says softly.

"What do you mean?" Devonne frowns.

"Our friendship isn't the same anymore." Kendall tells her. "We don't hang out and laugh like we use to. Our lives revolve around James now! We have to watch him fight a horrible illness, while trying to keep our friendship together. It's stressful, you know? I don't even know what to do anymore."

"You may not think that I understand, but I do." Devonne responds, glancing at the sleeping boy in her arms. "My cancer had a major effect on my family. My sisters started fighting more, my parents started spending less time together, and nothing seemed to be right anymore. I'm just saying that, while you guys may be struggling, I know that you all can get through this. I see four very strong boys that can get through anything together, just like my family did. I believe in all of you."

"Um, thanks." Kendall murmurs, looking at both James and Logan. "Thanks for everything."

* * *

><p><strong>Review! :D<strong>


	27. Accident

"Kendall, what are we doing here?" Logan asks as they enter the small cafe.

"I just thought we could hang out." Kendall says nonchalantly. "Everyone has been so busy taking care of James lately. My mom said that she wanted us to take the day off. She's gonna keep an eye on him."

He's hoping that he can distract Logan and himself from...everything. He asked Carlos to come with them, but he's gonna hang out with Lucy. And James obviously can't go out because he just had another chemo session yesterday. That leaves Kendall and Logan, who both could use some time away from the apartment and the whole Palm Woods. So Kendall decided to take his injured friend out to eat and hopefully get him to open up. He can tell that Logan is hiding more from them than he ever suspected. He's secretive, anxious, easily irritated...Kendall _knows _that something isn't right. He just wishes that Logan would talk to him. Before James got sick, the guys could tell each other anything. Now it seems like all they can do is keep secrets.

To make things easier for Logan, he picks a booth, rather than a chair that could easily fall over. He sits across from Logan, watching him closely.

He doesn't understand why Logan has become so quiet. He has always been kind of soft spoken, but it wasn't like he couldn't be sociable. Now he doesn't seem to care about dealing with anyone. He just stays in bed, on the couch, or in the restroom. Sometimes he gets really suspicious, but he doesn't wanna accuse Logan of anything. Logan is so sensitive and Kendall knows that he wouldn't react too well if someone started making accusations. Kendall doesn't wanna do that. He just wants to know what's going on, so he can help. He has always been pretty good at helping his friends, but he can't do that if they won't tell him what's going on. Hopefully, that'll change today.

"Are you ever gonna tell me what's going on?" He asks.

"There's nothing to tell." Logan says, looking at everything but Kendall. The blonde boy holds back a groan of frustration, giving Logan a look. He doesn't buy that lie for one second. Nothing to tell? Yeah right! He doesn't know how Logan can sit here and say that there's nothing wrong when he makes it so obvious. It's starting to irritate Kendall, but he's trying to keep his cool because he doesn't wanna fight with his friends. He's really trying to be patient, but it's kinda hard when one of his friends is being a total pain.

"Don't lie to me." He says sternly.

"Why are you getting mad at me? I didn't even do anything." Logan says, a weird expression on his face.

"All you've been doing lately is lie." Kendall says, anger seeping into his voice. "You should think about how you're making us feel. Think about James for once, man! Do you really think he needs the stress of knowing that you're hiding something and won't tell him? It's hurting him, Logan. It's hurting him more than you know. Carlos and I are struggling too, but we try to be honest about. You, on the other hand, would rather lie and pretend that nothing is wrong. It's getting old, okay?"

"I don't need you accusing me of anything." Logan says angrily, sliding out of the booth. He uses his crutches to push himself up, limping toward the restroom. For a minute, Kendall just sits there, but he finally decides to go and have a talk with Logan. He isn't gonna allow the boy to keep avoiding the conversation. They're gonna talk whether Logan likes it or not.

He storms into the restroom and notices that all of the stalls are empty, except for the last one. He walks toward the stall and pushes the door open, shocked when he sees Logan sitting on the floor with a bottle of painkillers.

"What are you doing?" He nearly yells, snatching the painkillers from Logan.

"Give them back!" Logan says angrily, grabbing his crutches. He tries to push himself up, but it only aggravates the pain in his leg. He holds back a cry of pain, but he tries again. He just can't get up on his own, partly because it hurts too much and partly because of the pills he just took. He looks at Kendall for help and although the blonde is angry, he helps Logan off the ground.

'What is this?" Kendall asks harshly.

"My pain meds." Logan snaps. "My leg was hurting."

"That's not why you took them!" Kendall shouts.

"Why do you care?" Logan growls, limping past him.

Kendall stares at the small bottle with disbelief, even when he hears the restroom door open and close. He can't believe that Logan has fallen so badly. He knew that they all had problems, but he never suspected that one of them had turned to drugs. These pills are only suppose to be taken if his leg is seriously hurting, but he's obviously taking them for the wrong reasons.

"Why do I care?" He mutters, shocked by Logan's ridiculous question. He stuffs the pill bottle into his jeans pocket before following Logan out the door. They keep walking until they're outside and Kendall continues the discussion, despite being able to easily tell that it's bothering Logan.

"Logan, you're a mess! First, you start smoking cigarettes, then you start dating a complete slut, then you get into a physical fight with Wayne Wayne, and now you're taking pills to get high? Dude, what is wrong? What is bothering you so much that you're turning to drugs? I wanna know what your problem is and I wanna know _now._"

"For the last time, it's none of your business!" Logan screams, walking toward the street. He ignores Kendall as he starts limping across the street to the car.

What happens next seems to happen in slow motion. Just as he's about to make it across the street, a taxi runs into him. He rolls onto the hood, then back onto the road.

"LOGAN!" Kendall shouts, running to his friend. He drops by Logan's unconscious body, panicking. To his disbelief, the taxi just drove away, not bothering to stop and help the boy.

"Logan, buddy, come on." He pleads. "Wake up."

"Hey, I've already called 911." A middle aged woman tells him, touching his shoulder. Kendall can't speak, so he just nods. He takes Logan's hand in his and takes his cell phone out of his pocket, quickly dialing the home phone in 2J.

* * *

><p>All James has done all day is sleep and he's getting sick of it. He can't help that he's so tired all the time, but he wishes that it could be different. He wants his energy back, okay? He's sick and tired of being so exhausted and sick every day. Heck, he can barely even lift the TV remote anymore and it's seriously starting to piss him off. Maybe that's just his bad mood talking. He hasn't been the friendliest person lately, but it's not like he can help it. He feels like dirt and there's nothing he can do, other than lay around and have everyone treating him like a child.<p>

Riiiing!

Ugh, Mama Knight went to the grocery story and everyone else is gone too, so James is gonna have to answer the phone himself. He really doesn't want to, but it could be important. Slowly, he pushes himself off the couch, cringing as he walks toward the bar. He sits on a bar stool and grabs the phone, answering it.

"What?" He snaps.

"Jay," Kendall says, sniffling heavily. "Is my mom there?"

"She went to the grocery store, so I'm here...alone." James mutters.

"Listen, I need you to call her, okay?" Kendall says tearfully. James frowns when he hears the sound of car horns, a siren, and frantic voices in the background. Now he's no longer annoyed, but he's definitely scared. "There was an accident."

"What kind of accident?" James asks in a panicked voice.

"Logan and I got into a fight, he started walking across the street to our car, and a taxi hit him." Kendall rants. "Please hurry up and call her, okay? Then I need all of you to come to the hospital."

"Kendall-" James starts to say, ready to cry. But Kendall has already hung up. James lets out a sob before quickly getting himself together and dialing Mama Knight's cell phone number.

* * *

><p>Kendall can't believe that this actually happened. If he had just kept quiet, Logan wouldn't have gotten mad and he wouldn't be on his way to the hospital in an ambulance. But it's a pretty complicated situation. He couldn't just say nothing and allow Logan to keep taking those pills. But he should have confronted his friend when they got home, not in public. As he follows the ambulance in his own car, he finds that he can only blame himself. Who else is there to blame? He could blame Logan, but that wouldn't be right. The only reason Logan got hit is that Kendall just couldn't keep his thoughts to himself and had to confront the boy at the worst time possible.<p>

He wonders if the others will hate him for this. You now, James, Carlos, Katie, Camille, his mom, Logan's parents, and all their friends. Why shouldn't they hate him? Logan could be dead or seriously injured because of him. In his opinion, he deserves to be hated. When he confronted Logan, he did it because he cared, but maybe he made a mistake. He honestly feels like he should have just waited until a better time. When Logan didn't have a injured leg! If he wasn't hurt, there's a possibility that he could have just jumped out of the way. But having a broken ankle makes him kinda helpless in a situation like this. However, even though he has a brokne ankle, jumping out of the way and slightly extending his recovery time would have been better than getting hit by a stupid car. Kendall feels so hurt and confused. What has happened to them? A few months ago, everything was just perfect. Now it seems like their lives have been destroyed.

Riiiing!

"Hello?" He manages to whimper into his cell phone.

"Kendall? Honey, James just called and he said that Logan was hit by a car." Mama Knight says, her voice shaking.

"Yeah." Kendall says weakly. "I'm following the ambulance to the hospital right now."

"Listen, I'm gonna go back to the Palm Woods and get James, Carlos, and Katie, then we'll come to the hospital." Mama Knight tells him. "Just try to stay calm, okay? We'll be there as soon as possible."

"Okay." Kendall says, tears streaming down his face as he hangs up. He just wants to know that Logan and James will both be okay. He wants James to beat cancer and he wants Logan to survive this horrible accident and go back to being his normal, happy self. He wants silly, crazy, sometimes immature Carlos back. He wants everything to be okay again. Will that ever happen? Kendall doesn't know.

* * *

><p><strong>Well, that was an angsty chapter! After that adorable fluff in the last chapter, I needed to write some angst:) And Logan's accident also means that there's gonna be not only Logan angst, but James angst as well;) As long as you keep reading, you'll start to see why;D<strong>

**Review! :D**


	28. Pray

Carlos is absolutely terrified as he follows Mama Knight and Katie into the emergency room. When Mama Knight told him about Logan's accident, he felt like the world around him was crashing down even faster. Seeing James fight cancer is hard enough and now they've got another hurt friend. What if Logan doesn't make it? Carlos didn't think that very many people survive after being hit by a car. They don't know for sure that Logan will make it. Being inside a car during an accident is bad enough, but actually being hit by a car? Carlos isn't sure, but that seems a lot worse. Then again, he isn't a medical expert. Logan is the aspiring doctor. He knows all about this stuff.

"Kendall!" Mama Knight cries, dragging her son into a hug. "Have you gotten any news yet?"

"Not yet." Kendall says, wiping his tearful eyes. "Where's James?"

"He's not suppose to leave the apartment for the next two days, so his parents are staying with him." Mama Knight says sadly. "Um...Carlos, why don't you and Katie get a snack in the cafeteria? Kendall and I will wait here."

Carlos nods and wraps his arm around Katie's shoulders, leading her out of the emergency room. Neither one of them speaks as they walk down the hallway, desperately trying to keep their composure. For the most part, they're both pretty good at that, but there occasionally comes a time when they just have to break down. Carlos has done that plenty of times, but only when he's alone. He won't ever allow himself to cry in front of anyone. He would feel awkward and embarrassed. He doesn't like feeling that way.

"Is Logan gonna be okay?" Katie asks quietly.

"I don't know." Carlos murmurs as they walk into the cafeteria. He wishes he knew, but he doesn't. They don't know if anything will be okay. James may survive his cancer and Logan may survive the accident, but there's also a chance they could die. To this day, Carlos doesn't understand how life changed so drastically. One day, they were living the dream. Now their lives are just falling apart. Carlos doesn't understand anything anymore. He doesn't understand why James got sick, he doesn't understand why Logan changed, he doesn't understand why Logan got into that stupid accident, he doesn't understand why bad things happen to good people. James and Logan aren't bad people. They don't deserve what they've been dealing with.

"I hope they'll be okay." Katie says softly.

"So do I." Carlos sighs as he reads the menu board.

"May I get you kids something?" The cashier asks them.

"Um, do you have chocolate muffins?" Carlos asks her.

"Sure."

They wait patiently as the cashier grabs two muffins and puts them in a bag. Then Carlos pays for them with the money he brought. He quietly thanks the cashier before leading Katie over to a table and sitting down. They eat in silence, too exhausted to talk anymore. All either one of them cares about is getting back to the emergency room. They both wanna be there when the doctor comes out.

* * *

><p>"Honey, what were you and Logan fighting about?" Mama Knight asks gently.<p>

Kendall cringes at the memory. It was bad enough seeing him sitting on the bathroom floor with those stupid pills, but seeing him get hit by that car...that was way worse. He doesn't really wanna talk about the fight, but he knows that his mom won't leave him alone until he talks. In other words, he has no choice. He might as well tell her now, rather than later.

"He's been abusing the painkillers." He says quietly. "I was talking to him about how much he has changed since James got sick, then he went to the restroom and I found him on the floor with the pills in his hand. Then I confronted him and he stormed out of the restaurant. That's when he got hit."

"Oh, sweetie." Mama Knight says sadly. That's when the doctor walks into the waiting room, as well as Carlos and Katie. Everyone watches the doctor in anxious silence, wondering what he's about to say. They hope it's not as bad as they think. But he has a serious expression on his face, so they're guessing that something isn't right. They can tell just by looking at him.

"Hi, I'm Doctor Bryant." He says, shaking Mama Knight's hand. "You're all here for...Logan Mitchell, right?"

"Yes." Mama Knight says immediately. "How is he?"

"His injuries are very serious." Doctor Bryant responds. "He received a moderate concussion, all of his ribs are broken or cracked, his right leg was already broken but the accident unfortunately made it worse, bruising on his right hip, his right arm is broken, his left shoulder was dislocated, and he has some pretty bad bruising. Luckily, the car wasn't moving fast enough to kill him, so he's gonna be fine. Chances are, his recovery will take quite some time, but he'll be fine. We gave him some morphone for the pain and he can have visitors."

"He's awake?" Katie asks hopefully.

"He's kinda drifting in and out of consciousness because the morphine makes him drowsy." Doctor Bryant says, his eyes showing sympathy for them. "I can take you to all to see him if you'd like."

"Yes!" They immediately say in unison.

They follow him out of the emergency room and down the hallway. None of them are a big fan of hospitals, especially not since James got sick. They've seen so much pain and suffering here. It's unbelievable that little babies are born in the same place as people who are going through so much. All they feel when they come here is heartbreak. Will anything good ever happen to them when they're here?

"Once again, I have to warn you that he's pretty out of it." Doctor Bryant warns before pushing the door open. They gasp at what they see. Logan is wearing a cast that ends right above his knee, his right arm is in a cast, his left arm is in a sling, and there's bruising on his face and arms, but only a little bit on his legs. He looks pretty banged up, but at the same time, they recognize their friend. He just looks like a very messed up version of himself.

"Logan? Baby?" Mama Knight says gently. "Can you hear me?"

"Mmm, Mama Knight?" Logan murmurs groggily. "Where am I?"

"You're in the hospital." Mama Knight says, stroking his face. "You were hit by a car, but you're okay."

"I don't feel okay." Logan says weakly. "Everything...Everything hurts."

"I know, baby." Mama Knight says sadly. "But we're here and we're gonna help you."

"I..." Logan starts to say. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, baby." Mama Knight tells him. "You just focus on getting better."

Kendall, Katie, and Carlos watch the scene in front of them, their hearts shattering even more. It's a good thing that Mama Knight is encouraging him to get better, but hearing the encouragement only succeeds in reminding them of how badly things have gotten. If everything had never went wrong, there wouldn't be any need for her to tell him about getting better. Will he get better? He's a mess!

What if he turns out like some of the others? Carlos can remember a few times during their first tour when he saw drug addicts and alcoholics on the street, smoking their cigarettes and buying drugs with the little money they can get. Carlos doesn't want Logan to become one of them. That's why he feels a suddenly determination to help his friend. It'll be hard because James requires so much attention, but Carlos is gonna start dedicating time to getting Logan back to normal as well. He's not gonna give up on his friends.

* * *

><p>"Mom, have you heard anything yet?" James whispers weakly.<p>

"No, baby." Brooke says sadly, kneeling by the couch. She takes her son's hand and gives it a squeeze, staring at his pale and sickly face. She finds it hard to belief that this stranger is her sweet baby boy. Inside, he's still her perfect boy. On the outside, he looks far from himself. What is gonna happen to him? All she wants is to see him get healthy and do all the things that he use to do. She hasn't heard him sing in months and that breaks her heart because she loves hearing his sweet voice. He has always been so talented and Brooke is so proud of him.

"Listen, I'm really tired, but wake me up if you find out anything." James murmurs, closing his eyes.

"Okay, baby." Brooke says tearfully, touching his cheek. "Okay."

James drifts off to sleep and Brooke bursts into tears, still clutching his hand. Then she becomes silent and she prays. She prays that all their troubles will go away and everything will go back to normal.

* * *

><p><strong>Review! :D<strong>


	29. Talk To Me

After a few more days of being cooped up in 2J, James is able to visit Logan in the hospital. Mama Knight wanted to go with him to the room, but he insisted on going by himself. It's time for him and Logan to have a serious talk. He's not gonna yell, he's not gonna criticize, but they do need to talk. They've had short discussions before, but nothing helped. They obviously need to have a long and serious talk about James's cancer and Logan's continuing downward spiral. Why? Because James can't stand to watch anymore. He refuses to stand back and watch Logan sink farther into depression.

He reluctantly approaches the door to Logan's room, his arms crossed. Since he has lost so much weight, he gets cold real easily, so he's wearing some jeans, a black sweater, a grey hooded jacket, and a white pull over hat. It helps him stay warm. He can't stand feeling so cold all the time, so he always wears a jacket, even when he goes to bed.

Slowly, he reaches for the doorknob and pushes it open. Logan is fast asleep and James can feel his eyes filling with tears. Logan...He looks so...so broken. How could they let it get this bad? They should have did something as soon as they realized what was going on. If Logan had gotten help sooner, he wouldn't be laying in a hospital bed.

He lowers himself into a chair by the bed, looking at his injured friend. He places his hand on Logan's shoulder, frowning when the boy whimpers in his sleep. He becomes even more concerned when tears fall down Logan's cheeks. He wipes them away and gives Logan's shoulder a squeeze, cringing at the sound of his whimpers.

"Hey, I'm here." James whispers as Logan's whimpers become louder. "Logan!"

Logan's eyes snap open and he gasps for air, shaking. James holds back a sob as the boy looks at him, noticing the pain in Logan's eyes. They need to talk, but James is suddenly speechless. What is he suppose to say? He doesn't wanna upset Logan, but they can't keep avoiding this discussion. They might as well get it out of the way.

"Jay, where's Mama Knight?" Logan asks him. "Did you come here by yourself?"

"Mama Knight drove me here." James murmurs. "But I wanted to talk to you alone."

"About what?" Logan asks tearfully. He knows what James wants to talk about, but he doesn't wanna talk. He's too tired and in too much pain. Talking is the last thing he wants to do right now. He got hit by a freaking car and he just wants to rest.

"About what you've been doing." James says softly. "The partying, the drugs, the alcohol, the constant downward spiral that we've all been forced to watch. You don't smile, you don't laugh, you never seem to feel like doing anything, and it scares me. Logan, you need help. And I don't know if we have the help you need-"

"What do you mean by that?" Logan snaps.

"Maybe you need rehab!" James retorts angrily. "I'm sick of watching you ruin your life. I don't need that right now. I already feel bad enough already because I'm getting stupid chemo drugs for a disease that may or may not kill me, so the last thing I need is to see one of my best friends slowly killing himself. I can't take that right now!"

"James, you think I don't want to get better? You think I don't think about how you feel? Hell, you're all I think about! I spend everyday praying that your cancer will just go away and everyday I watch you get sicker and sicker. And you know what? It's killing me because there's _nothing _I can do. I don't know how to handle that! I would prefer for my life to end right now than watch _you _die."

"You don't mean that." James says, his voice cracking.

"Yeah, James, I do." Logan says tiredly. "I don't even feel like life is worth living anymore. You're sick, Kendall is probably sick and tired of dealing with me, and Carlos probably hates me too. If I'm losing you and my other friends hate me, what's the point of living?"

"What's the point?" James responds in disbelief. "Logan, none of us hate you! We're scared for you! Kendall is blaming himself for your accident! Carlos wants you home! I just want my friend back! I want my smart and happy best friend back!"

Logan is so close to crying. He turns his head away from James, trying to hide his tears. But he feels the bed sinking slightly as extra weight is put on it. He finally look at James, who is now sitting on the bed. He feels bad now. James looks so hurt and Logan never wanted to hurt him. He doesn't deserve it.

"I'm sorry." He says, tears streaming down his face.

"Me too." James nods, carefully wrapping his arms around Logan.

* * *

><p>"I can't believe that this happened." Devonne tells Mama Knight. They are sitting in the cafeteria, expressing their concerns for all four of the boys.<p>

"Neither can I! They were such happy and healthy boys, then everything changed." Mama Knight says sadly. "I honestly don't know what I can do to help them."

"Look, why don't you just go and see how they're doing?" Devonne suggests. "I've gotta get back to work."

"Okay." Mama Knight says, giving the girl a quick hug before leaving the cafeteria. She walks toward the elevator, eager to check on James and Logan. She's worried about all of them. For the most part, Katie has handled the situation very well. She's worried about the boys. She just wants her boys back. She wants everything to go back to normal.

When she finally arrives at Logan's room. She finds James sitting on the bed, talking to Logan. Even though he has changed a lot, she can still recognize him in some ways. For example, he still has that same sweet smile that she knows and loves. It's just a very tired and weak smile most of the time. It truly breaks her heart.

"Hi, boys." She says, waving at them.

"Hi." James says in his usual weak sounding voice.

"Mama Knight, I think that James should go home and rest." Logan says softly. Mama Knight gives him a sad smile. He's right about that. James does look exhausted. However, she's still concerned about him. They all know that he needs help, but she wonders if he's gonna be willing to get that help. She has always heard that a person can't be helped unless they want help. Does Logan want help?

"Logan's right, sweetie?" She says, touching James's back. "You look tired."

"Do I have to?" James asks.

"James, you need to get some sleep." Logan says quietly. "You can come back and see me tomorrow."

James sighs heavily as Mama Knight helps him off the bed. Before they leave, Mama Knight leans over and kisses Logan's cheek. She wants him to know that she still loves him, even though he messed up.

"You need to sleep too." She says sternly, pointing at him.

"I will." Logan says with a weak chuckle. Mama Knight gives him a smile before leading James out of the room, staying close to him as they walk. There's only one thing that she really knows for sure right now. She wants everything to get better.

* * *

><p>"How was the visit?" Mama Knight asks as she drives.<p>

"It was pretty good." James lies. He can't get over what Logan said. You know, about wanting his life to end. James had no idea that Logan felt that way. He knew that something wasn't right, but he didn't think that Logan was...suicidal or anything. Does wanting his life to end count as being suicidal? As far as James knows, Logan hasn't attempted anything, but the thought still scares him. As soon as Logan started talking like that, James knew that his friend needed help. It hurts to admit it, but he needs professional help.

"Baby, you can tell me." Mama Knight says, easily being able to see through the lie.

"Fine." James says softly. "He said that he would prefer for his life to end than to see me die."

Mama Knight appears shocked upon hearing James's confession. He was pretty shocked when Logan first said it, so he's not surprised by Mama Knight's reaction. Anyway, James wants to help Logan. He wants to make everything okay again. And during their talk, something else happened. He felt a newfound determination to beat his illness. He's not gonna let cancer end his life and ruin everyone else's lives. If he can win the fight against cancer, they can focus on returning to their daily routines. Big Time Rush can make a comeback and they can all be happy again.

"He said that?" Mama Knight says in disbelief.

"Yeah." James nods, looking straight ahead. "I don't know if he meant that he wants to end his life or if it's just something he said in a moment of frustration. I know we all say things we don't mean when we're upset, but I'm worried that Logan may really be wanting to die. He shouldn't, though. I'm not gonna let this disease kill me and I wish he knew that, but all he can think about is my chances of dying."

"We're gonna help him." She says, taking one hand off the wheel. She takes one of his bony hands in hers, rubbing the back of it with her thumb. His chances of survival are very high, but she doesn't wanna get her hopes up too high. If she did, and something ended up happening to it, the pain would be even worse. However, he doesn't want to destroy his hope, so she keeps her thoughts to herself. She admires him for being so optimistic, especially since she and the others are having doubts about the whole situation.

"I hope so, Mama Knight." James says quietly. "I really hope so."

* * *

><p><strong>Kendall and Carlos will be in the next chapter:) <strong>

**Review! :D**


	30. Getting Help

Two weeks pass and Logan's condition gets only slightly better. Well, physically. His bruises have started fading, but he has to be pushed around in a wheelchair until his arm and shoulder heal. Mentally and emotionally, however, he's still pretty messed up. He's just not the same person that he use to be. That's why Mama Knight, Logan's mom, and Doctor Bryant agreed that he should go to a treatment center. That way, he can get the help he needs.

"Honey, I know you're upset, but we're doing this for your own good." Mrs. Mitchell tells her son. She only showed up a few days ago. She has been really busy at work, so she wasn't able to get here as quickly as she probably would have liked.

James is kinda glad that his parents moved out here, so they can always be here when he needs them. He remembers Mrs. Mitchell's expression when Mama Knight told her what has been going on with her son. She was obviously terrified when she heard that her son had basically turned into a drug addict, alcoholic, depressed party animal. She seemed afraid when Doctor Bryant mentioned rehab, but she said that she wanted to do whatever it takes to help her son.

Logan doesn't respond to his mom, wincing as Kendall and Carlos help him out of the wheelchair. He lets out a pained whimper as he is helped into the van, next to James. The sick boy pretends to be asleep, but he's really just avoiding Logan. He's not mad at his friend, but he's very hurt. He's hurt that Logan ever let it get this bad. If he had just tried to stop sooner, they wouldn't be taking him to a treatment center today.

He feels someone wrapping a blanket around him, so he must have been shivering. He can't wait until the cancer is hopefully beaten and he can gain all his weight back. He misses being all buff and good looking. His natural attractiveness is still obvious, but he definitely doesn't look as good as he use to. He's so pale and skinny now. It's no wonder that he feels embarrassed when he goes out in public.

"How's James doing?" Carlos asks.

"He's sleeping, honey." Mama Knight says, starting the car.

Someone wraps their arms around James and pulls him close. He can't resist opening his eyes and he finds that Kendall is the one holding him. He whimpers as he lifts his head off his friend's shoulder, glancing at Logan. The boy is looking out the window, not saying a word to anyone. James can barely stand looking at him now because whenever he does, he remembers everything that Logan has done in the last few months. For example, he can remember one incident that happened last month.

_James can't sleep, so he's watching a movie. It's about three thirty in the morning and he knows that he should be bed, but he just can't fall asleep. He's too uncomfortable. Besides, Logan went to a party at Dak Zevon's house and he still has returned. If he doesn't get home soon, James is gonna call for a search party. No one stays out this long._

_He turns around and looks toward the front door when he hears it open. His eyes widen in shock as Logan stumbles into the apartment, looking pretty disheveled. James knows that something isn't right. _

_"Logan?" He questions, slowly pushing himself off the couch. He approaches Logan just as the boy falls to the floor, unable to stand any longer. Carefully, James helps his friend up, guiding him toward the couch. Logan mumbles incoherently as they sit down._

_"James, where am I?" He mumbles, very confused._

_"Logan, you're at the Palm Woods." James tells him._

_ "I feel sick." Logan whimpers._

_ "Okay, I've got you." James says weakly, helping Logan up. They begin walking toward the restroom and Logan immediately falls to his knees, throwing up. James doesn't know what to think. He doesn't understand what's happening. And he doesn't know when it's gonna start getting better._

"We found a treatment center that is located here in Los Angeles, so Logan won't be too far away from home." Mama Knight announces as she leaves the hospital parking lot. James holds back a sarcastic laugh. Like that really makes him feel any better. He doesn't care where the treatment center is. Logan is still gonna be hidden away like a prisoner with a bunch of nurses and counselors and other addicts all over the place, no matter where the rehab center is. Location means nothing to James.

"Doctor Bryant said that it's one of the best." Mama Knight adds. "Devonne said that she has heard good things about it too."

James closes his eyes again and tries to fall asleep, whimpering softly. Kendall whispers comforting words to him, but all he can think about is how tired, stressed, and sick he feels. Maybe he can take a nap when they get to the treatment center.

"Just try to get some sleep." Kendall tells him. He groans, his eyes still closed. How can he get any sleep when he feels so terrible? He'll try, but he's not making any promises.

* * *

><p>New Hope Treatment Center, as much as Kendall hates to admit it, is beautiful. It consists of a few red brick buildings, green grass, lots of trees and flowers, and Kendall can even see a pond nearby. At least Logan will be in a peaceful environment. However, Kendall wishes that his friend didn't have to be here. He doesn't understand why Logan went so far. He wishes that Logan would have just talked to him, instead of walking away. He wouldn't have gotten hit if he had just stayed and talked.<p>

"Come on, buddy." Kendall says softly, helping James out of the van. He worries about James too. How does James feel about Logan's situation? He's probably very upset and that isn't good because he doesn't need stress in his condition. Kendall hopes that he understands that sending Logan to rehab may be upsetting and scary, but it's gonna be a good thing. Logan can get help and they can get their friend back.

He cringes when he hears Logan's pained whimpers, feeling really bad for his friend. Logan is far from being fully recovered, but Mama Knight told them that she talked to New Hope's administrator, explained Logan's injuries and his need for a wheelchair until he gets better, and the guy told her that he would make sure that there's someone to help Logan out. She claims that they seem very committed to the well being of their patients, but it really sucks that they have to leave Logan here.

"Honey, we can get your wheelchair if you want." Mama Knight tells James. "I brought it just in case."

James shakes his head, letting Kendall hold onto him as they walk toward the front entrance. Kendall glances over at Carlos, who is staying close to Logan. Mrs. Mitchell is pushing the wheelchair. Kendall can't help noticing that Logan isn't talking to anyone, though. Ever since he found out about the decision to check him into treatment (just a few days ago), he hasn't been very talkative at all. He claimed that he's eighteen and can't be forced to do anything, but they had to calmly explain to him that he's in no condition to make his own choices right now. Therefore, it's not up to him. He's going to rehab whether he wants to or not. He was so mad when they told him that.

"Hi!" The secretary says as they approach the front desk. "Are you checking someone in?"

"Logan Mitchell." Mama Knight tells her. When the secretary gives Logan a friendly smile, he just looks away. Kendall and Carlos just look at him, even as he rolls his eyes. They know that he doesn't wanna be here, but they've already told him that it's for his own good. He needs to know how great it's gonna feel when he's sober.

"Can we please just go home?" Logan asks his mom.

"Sorry, baby." Mrs. Mitchell says sadly, rubbing his shoulder. Logan mumbles under his breath, keeping a blank expression on his face. Kendall keeps holding onto James, making sure that the sick boy doesn't fall. They're gonna have to get him to a chair or something soon.

"Hey, let's go to the couches over there." He whispers, guiding James toward the small sitting area. As soon as they approach the couch, James goes to lay down. Kendall sits next to him and puts a pillow on his lap, giving James a comfy place to rest his head.

* * *

><p>Logan can't believe that they're leaving him here. He doesn't know anyone around here, so he doesn't understand why his family is making him stay in a strange place with complete strangers. He thought that they care about him. If they really cared, they wouldn't be forcing him to stay with people that he doesn't even know.<p>

"You know that we're just doing what's best for you, right?" Carlos tells him. What's best for him? How is this the best for him? He's freaking out right now. For one thing, his whole body still hurts from the accident. Second of all, he misses his own room! Even worse, he doesn't know how long he's gonna be in here! He's amazed that he hasn't had a panic attack yet.

"How do any of you know what's best for me?" He snaps.

"Well, you obviously don't know what's best." Carlos responds. Logan gives him an incredulous look, but he just keeps a serious expression on his face. What has Logan been doing that's so wrong? Why is everyone treating him like a child? Seriously, ever since the accident, they have all been treating him like a baby. In case they don't remember, he's eighteen years old. He's an adult!

"So you guys are gonna keep treating me like a five year old?" He retorts.

"What is your problem?" Carlos asks him. "Aside from your painkiller and alcohol addictions and your depression? Why have you turned into such a jerk? Logan, we want our friend back! Do you realize that rehab is probably the only way we're gonna be able to make that happen? The person I'm looking at right now, that's not the real you. I want my smart, nerdy best friend back."

"I'm sorry, okay?" Logan yells. Carlos flinches at the anger in his voice and Logan is shaking as he looks at his friend. "I'm sorry...I...I don't know what to do anymore. I've ruined my life, I've ruined James's life, I've ruined everything!"

"No." Carlos whispers, sitting on the bed. Logan struggles to hold back his tears, letting Carlos pull him into a gentle hug. And that's when he breaks down, He sobs into his friend's shoulder, wondering if he'll ever be normal again.

He's too upset to notice Kendall and James standing in the doorway, too upset to see tears streaming down James's cheeks, and way too upset to notice the sickly boy turning around and walking away as fast as possible.

* * *

><p><strong>Our boys are back in Maui! And they keep posting pictures:) This time, I wanna see some videos:D<strong>

**Review! :D**


	31. A Close Call

"James!" Kendall calls out, following his friend out the door. James isn't stopping for nothing, leaving the building in tears. Kendall is scared that he's gonna stress himself out too much, which isn't good for someone with cancer. He understands that seeing Logan in such a fragile state is scary, but he needs to calm down. What he needs to do is lay down and try to get some sleep, but he won't even do that because he's too upset.

"James!" He repeats, walking faster. He finally catches up and grabs James's bony wrist, preventing him from walking away.

"What?" James snaps, whipping around. Kendall doesn't even flinch, reaching out to James. He pulls the boy into a hug and rubs his back, cringing at how think his friend is. It's shocking how different James is now. Sometimes Kendall finds himself wondering if James will ever be the same, even if he does manage to beat the cancer. Will he go completely back to normal and no one will ever be able to tell that he was sick?

"He's getting help." Kendall says gently, frowning as James whimpers. The boy pulls away and stares at Kendall with tired eyes. He starts to walk back toward the building, but Kendall is horrified when James collapses in his arms.

"Oh my God..." He murmurs, holding onto James. "HEY, SOMEONE CALL 911!"

Mama Knight must have heard him because she was inside, but she runs out the front doors as soon as she hears Kendall yell. Her expression becomes one of total horror when she sees James's limp body in Kendall's arms. Instead of acknowledging her son right away, she whips out her cell phone and dials 911, rambling frantically.

"James? Buddy, wake up." Kendall pleads, sitting on the concrete. He holds James in his lap, clutching the unconscious boy close to him. His eyes fill with tears as he stares at his friend's pale face, giving James's hand a squeeze.

"The ambulance is on it's way." Mama Knight says anxiously, reaching out to stroke James's cheek. By now, a few people have come outside and are watching them. Kendall was hoping that they wouldn't attract too much attention, but with Kendall's frantic yelling, it's no surprise that it got everyone else's attention.

"Mom, can you watch him?" He asks weakly. "I'm gonna tell the others."

"Okay, baby." Mama Knight says tearfully, pulling James into her arms. Kendall stands up and pushes through the crowd, running into the building. He turns right down a long hallway until he arrives at Logan's room, gasping for air as he runs into the room. By now, Logan has stopped crying. Carlos is sitting in a nearby chair and Katie laying on the bed, cuddled close to Logan with her head on his shoulder.

"Where's James?" Carlos asks him.

"He collapsed!" Kendall says frantically. "My mom is outside with him right now, waiting for an ambulance."

"What?" Carlos asks, panicked. Without saying anything else, he and Katie both rushe out of the room. Kendall looks at Logan, who looks completely broken. He doesn't know how Logan, of all people, ended up in rehab. Seriously, Logan has this reputation as the smartest of BTR, yet he became addicted to painkillers and alcohol.

"Help me into my chair." Logan says, squinting his eyes as he tries to sit up.

"Logan, you're not going anywhere." Kendall says, sitting on the bed. "We'll go to the hospital and we'll call and give you updates on his condition. You are in no position to go anywhere right now, buddy."

"Kendall, please." Logan begs, his eyes filling with tears. "He might be dying. What if you leave me here and he dies? Then I'll have to live my life knowing that I never told him goodbye and how much I care about him. Don't put me through that."

Kendall sighs heavily as he looks at Logan, realizing that he has a point. He doesn't want to believe that today is James's last day and it probably isn't, but it wouldn't be right for Kendall to make Logan stay here while his friend is dying. He supposes that Logan could come to the hospital with them, then they could bring him back later.

"Okay." He says, pushing Logan's wheelchair closer to the bed. He carefully lifts Logan off the bed, lowering him into the wheelchair. He pushes his friend out of the room and down the hallway, occasionally glancing at the injured boy. When they exit the building and see paramedics lifting James onto a stretcher, Logan looks like he might cry. If he cries, Kendall will cry and that's the last thing Kendall wants right now.

"Hey," He says, kneeling in front of Logan. "We've gotta be strong for him, okay? I can't make any promises, but I think that he'll be fine."

"Fine? Kendall, look at him!" Logan says, tears falling down his cheeks.

"Look, let's just get to the hospital." Kendall says calmly, giving his good shoulder a gentle squeeze. "James needs us."

* * *

><p>"James will be fine, right?" Carlos asks, his voice cracking. "He'll be fine?"<p>

"I don't know, buddy." Kendall says sadly. "I just don't know."

While they talk quietly, Logan is struggling to keep his composure. Painkillers, alcohol, something, he needs something. This is all too much for him and he needs some relief. He's trying to keep himself together, but he really feels like falling to pieces. Sweating, muscle tension, heart racing, difficulty breathing...those are all symptoms of withdrawal. He needs to get something before he has a complete meltdown.

"Logan?" Carlos says worriedly. "Are you okay?"

"Talk to us." Kendall pleads.

"I need my painkillers." Logan gasps, shaking slightly. His vision is starting to become blurry, so he can't really see anything very well. But he's pretty sure that Carlos was looking at Kendall about him. He hopes that Carlos is telling Kendall to give him something. Just a little something to calm him down. Is that too much to ask?

"What do we do?" Carlos asks worriedly.

"We can't give him anything." Kendall whispers, rubbing Logan's back.

"What are we suppose to do?" Carlos asks, wrapping his arms around Logan. "He's freaking out."

"Guys, what's-" Mama Knight asks as she and Katie return to the waiting room. "Um, Katie...Honey, why don't you go and get a snack from the machine?"

"What if James-"

"I'll let you know, okay?" Mama Knight tells her. "You have your cell phone, right?"

Katie sighs and nods before leaving the waiting room. Logan is trying to calm himself down, but he just can't. He won't be calm until he gets some relief. But Kendall said that they can't give him anything, so he doesn't know what to do. How can he calm down if his friends won't even help him? Do they understand what it's like to need something this badly?

"Withdrawal?" Mama Knight asks sadly, kneeling in front of him. Kendall nods and continues rubbing Logan's back, but that does nothing to help him. He feels completely out of control and it's driving him crazy. Then he hears a familiar voice saying his name and he finds himself being pulled into a hug.

"Logie, honey, it's okay." His mom whispers gently, kissing the side of his head. "Please try to calm down."

With his face buried in her shoulder, he takes slow and deep breaths. He feels a strange sense of relief as he calms down, relaxing in his mother's arms. The shaking doesn't stop right away, but he definitely feels calmer.

"Okay." Mama Knight says in relief. "Let's just wait for the doctor to show up and let us know how James is doing."

* * *

><p>Carlos has never felt so terrified in his life. He has lost loved ones before, but their deaths were always unexpected. He never had to spend months wondering when they were gonna die. With James, they've all had to sit back and watch as he slowly wastes away to nothing. But Carlos doesn't want him to die. He doesn't care that they're not actually related. James is his brother and he couldn't imagine life without his brother.<p>

There's also Logan to worry about. It's hard to believe that when they leave the hospital later, they won't be taking him home. They'll be taking him back to the rehab center. Carlos is really trying to not have any resentment toward Logan, but it's just hard to understand exactly why he turned to painkillers and alcohol for comfort. Kendall and Carlos are hurting too, but they just talked whenever they needed comfort. Logan just went out and nearly destroyed himself.

Now Logan is asleep, while everyone else is patiently waiting for Doctor Barlow to show up and tell them about James. That's all Carlos wants to know right now. He wants Doctor Barlow to come over here and tell them that James gonna be just fine.

"Okay, I've got good news and bad news." Doctor Barlow says as he enters the waiting room. "What do you wanna hear first?"

"Um," Mama Knight says nervously. "The bad news."

"Well, James has-"

"What is wrong with my baby?" Brooke yells as she and Samuel walk into the room. Carlos flinches at her loud and frantic voice. Man, that woman can yell. It's no wonder that she always gets what she wants. If someone tells her no, all she has to do is either give them a threatening look or raise her voice.

"Mrs. Diamond, I'm about to tell you." Doctor Barlow says calmly. "As you all know, the chemo has quite an impact on a patient's immune system. Unfortunately, James had a pretty high fever. Luckily, we were able to lower it a little bit, but it's still not good. The good news is that he's not dying. He still has a chance."

They all breath out sighs of relief, but they do it quietly so Logan won't wake up. They'll let him wake up on his own and then they'll tell him.

"Would you all like to see him?" Doctor Barlow asks. They nod in unison. "We have some masks on a table right outside the room. I'll take you to the cancer ward, you'll put those masks on, then you can go on in."

They quietly agree, standing up. There's one thing Carlos knows that they all have in common right now. Even though Doctor Barlow has reassured them that James still has a chance, they're still scared. Why? Because they all know that James isn't out of the woods yet. The fight isn't over yet.

* * *

><p><strong>Wow, a high fever? Someone should have taken James's temperature:( But at least the doctor's were able to bring his fever down a little bit! And he's not dead!<strong>

**Review? :D**


	32. We Can Make It Better

They are all afraid when they enter James's room, their footsteps extra quiet, just so they don't wake James. The cancer stricken boy is fast asleep, looking a little better than he did before. Not much better, though. His illness is still horrifyingly obvious. He's thin, pale, and just weak. They want him to get better. They want their James back, not this James. All they want is to be able to pretend that this never happened.

"Look at him." Carlos whispers, standing next to Kendall. The blonde haired boy is pushing Logan's wheelchair, staring at James with as much fear as his two other friends are. When James collapsed in his arms, there was part of him that thought it was over. Not over as in the good kind of over. He was afraid that James was finally gonna lose the fight.

"My baby..." Brooke says tearfully as she and Samuel sit on their son's bed. Kendall reaches down and squeezes Logan's shoulder, glancing at Carlos. They're all thinking the same thing. Why? Why did James get cancer? What did he do to deserve something so horrible? He hasn't done anything to deserve this suffering. They don't understand why James has to go through this. He should be enjoying life, not fighting for it.

"He's sleeping, right?" Carlos asks Dr. Barlow, afraid of the answer.

"Yes, he's just sleeping." Dr. Barlow responds. "I'll leave you alone with him for a while. Let me know if you need anything."

They all nod silently, then Dr. Barlow leaves the room. Mrs. Mitchell stands next to her son, while Kendall walks over to James's bed. His hands are shaking as he sits on the edge of the seemingly uncomfortable hospital bed, taking James's hand in his. It's weird seeing him with a hat or bandana on. Instead, his head has nothing to cover the hair loss. It scares Kendall. In fact, it terrifies him because it reminds him that this is really happening. James has cancer and there's nothing they can do.

"Wait, I think he's waking up." Brooke says quietly. Sure enough, James's eyes slowly open. Well, at least they open halfway. He looks pretty worn out and not fully awake. He seems aware of their presence, though.

"James? Honey, can you hear me?" His mom asks him. Too tired to speak, James nods in response. He whimpers softly before taking a deep breath. He turns his head toward Kendall, who responds by giving his hand a squeeze. Kendall gives him a look of sympathy and keeps holding his hand, knowing that he probably needs a lot of comfort right now. He doesn't seem to be feeling too good.

"Talk to us, buddy." He says gently.

"Tired." James murmurs. "How's Logan?"

Upon hearing his name, Logan looks at James, surprised.

"He's right here." Kendall tells him. James looks over at Logan, probably shocked at the sight of Logan being here and not in the rehab center. Kendall looks at Mrs. Mitchell, who pushes Logan closer to the bed. James pushes himself into a sitting position, giving Logan a sad but understanding look. Kendall knows what's going on. He knows that Logan feels ashamed that his problems landed him in rehab and James is sad for him, yet he understands why Logan did the things that he did. Kendall wishes that he had been more understanding. For the first few months, he spent more time criticizing Logan than helping him. He should have tried to help his friend sooner. Maybe Logan wouldn't be in this position if he had.

"Why aren't you back at the rehab center?" James asks.

"Because you're my friend and you're sick." Logan says, appearing confused.

"Boys, do you want to be alone for a while?" Mama Knight asks, reaching out to hold James's hand.

"Yeah." Kendall says softly. With that, Mama Knight lets go of James's hand, kisses Kendall's cheek, then takes Katie and follows the other adults out of the room. That leaves the four boys alone, none of them too sure about what to say. The last thing any of them want is to say the wrong thing.

"So..." Kendall says awkwardly.

"So..." James repeats.

"One of us needs to say something." Logan mutters.

"Um, did you know that tomatoes are actually a fruit?" Carlos blurts out. That gets a small laugh out of James, something that they haven't heard in a while. Kendall loves hearing his friend laugh, so he looks at Carlos, encouraging the youngest member of the group to say something else.

"Oh! And I've always wondered if it's possible to turn water purple by pouring grape juice in it." Carlos adds, making James laugh again.

"You are such a dork." Logan mutters, a slight smile on his face.

"You know you wanna laugh, Logiebear." James teases.

"James, what did I tell you about calling me that?"

"You said don't do it, but I'm doing it anyway."

"Rude!"

"Okay, no arguing." Kendall says playfully, patting Logan's head. He's secretly glad to see them joking around again. Most of the time, they're all worried about something, such as James's health or Logan's mental state, so it's nice to just laugh about something. The more he thinks about it, the more he realizes that they've hardly done anything fun together since James got sick. Maybe they can do something when James starts feeling better and Logan gets out of rehab.

"Yeah, no arguing, Logiebear." James teases.

"You're lucky we're friends." Logan tells him. James smiles proudly, playfully sticking out his tongue.

"Can I ask you guys something?" Carlos asks.

"Yeah." Kendall says, becoming serious again.

"We're still friends, right? Because I honestly feel like we've become strangers. It's crazy because we're in a band together and we've known each other since elementary school, but I feel like we hardly know each other anymore. It scares me because I really miss you guys. We've always been like brothers, but I'm just really confused about us right now."

Kendall, James, and Logan look saddened, knowing where Carlos is coming from. Everything he just said is true. They have become like strangers. They're suppose to be like brothers. They've practically been family since they were little kids and they let James's cancer tear them apart. They shouldn't have let that happen.

"We shouldn't have let this ruin our friendship." James says sadly. "Carlos is right. When life got a little hard, we all kinda fell apart."

"But we can fix it, right?" Carlos says hopefully. "We can make it better?"

"Yeah." Logan nods. "We can make it better."

* * *

><p><strong>I hope this chapter wasn't too short! I think this was a cute chapter:) The guys kind of talked about their issues over the past months and they <em>might <em>be on their way to repairing their friendship:)**

**Anyway, Gustavo and Kelly will be appearing in the next chapter, which I hope will be longer! Devonne will probably appear as well:D**

**Review! :D**


	33. I Could Use A Wish Right Now

"Glad to be home?" Kendall asks, sitting next to James on the bed. He already knows the answer, but he just needed a conversation starter. He knows that James wouldn't wanna be stuck in that uncomfortable hospital bed. Kendall knows from the couple of times that he has been in the hospital that the beds suck. He got a backache from laying on one of those things. But that's a tiny discomfort compared to what James is going through.

"Yeah." James murmurs softly. "Listen, I really don't feel good and I just wanna be alone."

Kendall barely manages to hold back tears. James doesn't want him around. "Um, sure." He replies tearfully before exiting the bedroom. He goes to the living room, but instead of heading straight for the couch, he approaches the entertainment center. His mom put a few of their favorite pictures on the shelf, quite a few of them including the guys and Katie.

"Big brother, can I ask you something?" He hears his little sister ask timidly. That's not like Katie at all. She has never been timid about anything. When some kid at school was picking on her, she thwacked him right in the nose. She got two weeks of detention, but she proved that she isn't scared of anyone.

"Yeah, baby sister." He says, wrapping his arm around her.

"Will James be okay?"

You see, that's one question Kendall really hates answering. He doesn't know if James will be okay, especially since it's not looking so good right now. James doesn't even want anyone around because he's so sick and just too tired for socializing. What does that tell anyone? It tells them that he's getting sicker. He's suppose to get _better_, not worse.

"I-" He struggles for the right response. "I don't...I don't know. James is really sick right now and it's hard to say whether he'll be okay or not."

"I don't want him to die." Katie whimpers.

"I know, baby sister." Kendall says softly, hugging her close. "I don't know."

* * *

><p>Logan flinches as he tries to get comfortable in the wheelchair. One of the nurses took him out to the pond so he could get some fresh air, but the beautiful surroundings are the last thing on his mind. He wants to go home. He wants to go home and be with his friends and...He<p>

just doesn't wanna be here. He doesn't know anyone and he's scared. He feels embarrassed that he even go to this point. Why didn't he just let his friends help him? Why did he lie to them?

He looks down at his reflection in the water, trying to get a glimpse of his old self. The person he sees is not the person he was just a few months ago. This stranger is pale, thin, and his eyes are filled with hurt and sadness. Logan doesn't like feeling like this. He would do anything to make everything okay again. Sadly, the damage has been done. He can't change the past. He just has to stay here and get help so he can avoid making the same mistakes.

Another reflection appears next to his and he recognizes her immediately. He was hoping that someone would visit him today, but Mama Knight called and said that James wasn't feeling well. He's happy to see Camille, though. Secretly, he's still into her. She and Steve broke up and if she were to express interesting in getting back together with Logan, he would be really happy. He misses her.

"The campus is beautiful." She says, looking around. Logan definitely won't argue with her about that. As much as he hates being in rehab, the environment makes it a little easier to deal with. The grass is green, there are trees and flowers all over the place, and the pond is very relaxing.

"Yeah." He sighs.

"You know, you don't need to be so hard on yourself. I mean, you messed up, but that's all over. You're finally getting help. Besides, there's nothing you can do to change anything."

She's acting like he doesn't know that. He knows that he screwed up. He knows that he can't do anything about the past. All he wants is to wake up and find out that this was all a dream, that James isn't really sick and he isn't a drug addict. But that's exactly what's happening. This is real life.

"I wish this hadn't happened." He murmurs. "I wish I could wake up in my own room with no injuries, no addictions, a healthy best friend, and a normal life. I wish that I hadn't disappointed my family and friends. Most importantly, I wish I wasn't such a loser."

"Hey," Camille says, kneeling by his wheelchair. "You are not a loser. Do you even realize how amazing you are? You're smart, you're a great friend, girls love you, you're a talented singer, and I don't know a lot of guys that can do backflips like you can. And let's not forget how cute you are."

"I'm not that-"

"Don't finish that sentence." Camille says sternly, pointing a finger at him. "I'm warning you."

"Okay, I get it." Logan says with a small smile. Camille seems pleased, giving him a kiss on his cheek.

"Now, I want you to tell me one thing." She says, standing back up. "Why did you do it?"

She had to ask that? Logan already answered this question when he was talking to his therapist earlier. Does he really need to repeat his answer? Besides, it's pretty obvious. With everything that has been going on, he really saw no other way out. When he took those painkillers, his emotional pain went away.

"Watching James struggle was too hard." He whispers. "So I tried to numb the pain."

* * *

><p>"Yeah, he's in our room."<p>

James groans softly as he pulls the covers over his head, wishing that the visitor would just go away. He doesn't want any visitors right now. He still feels really bad and he just wants to sleep with no interruptions. At the same time, however, he doesn't want to hurt any feelings by being cranky.

"Jay, Devonne is here." Carlos whispers softly. "She wants to see you."

"Send her in." James mutters, pulling the covers down. Carlos quietly invites Devonne into the room, then he leaves. James keeps his eyes closed, even when he feels Devonne sitting on the bed. She gently strokes his arm, which he enjoys. He's still very tired and sick, but he appreciates the comforting gesture.

"Still feeling bad?" Devonne asks sadly. James only nods in response. He's too exhausted to speak. "Well, at least you're getting some rest. You should start feeling better soon."

"Yeah? It's not looking too good." James says bitterly.

"Hey," Devonne says, reaching for his hand. "You've gotta think positive. I know that it may seem bad right now, but you'll feel better in a few days. Your cancer won't be gone, but you'll feel better. Cancer patients have good days and bad days."

"How do you know?" James asks, choking up. "I'm tired of being like this. I just wish that this were just a bad dream. I want to wake up and know that none of this was real. I want to find out that I never had cancer, Logan never had that meltdown, and my relationships with my loved ones never changed."

"I know." Devonne says gently. "But you've gotta be strong, Jay. We all believe in you."

Maybe they believe in him, but there's one question. Does he believe in himself?

* * *

><p><strong>Gustavo and Kelly will be appearing in the next chapter! :D<strong>

**Review! :D**


	34. It's Too Hard

James has slept the morning and most of the afternoon away, but he's still tired. His pained stomach is keeping him from falling back asleep, though. Stomach pain is a side affect of chemotherapy and probably one of the most uncomfortable in his opinion. He has tried every sleeping position he can think of, but nothing seems to make the pain go away. He's curled up in a ball right now, trying to keep quiet so he doesn't disturb anyone.

"Jay, my mom wants to know if-"

Kendall stops when he sees his best friend, rushing to James's side. James whimpers and clutches his stomach, his eyes squeezed shut.

"What's wrong, buddy?" Kendall asks nervously, touching James's shoulder. Is he seriously asking that? James clutching his stomach in pain should be a good enough indication! Okay, now he's getting cranky. He bites the inside of his cheek to keep from saying anything that he might regret later.

"My stomach." He groans. "It hurts so bad."

"Do you feel like you need to throw up?" Kendall whispers. He nods in response. Kendall reaches out to him and he resists crying out in pain as he stands up. With Kendall holding onto him, he trudges out of the bedroom and toward the restroom. He hates stomachaches and he hates throwing up. Right now, he's experiencing both!

"Almost there." Kendall says, helping him into the restroom. He drops to his knees in front of the toilet, emptying his stomach. Even with Kendall rubbing his back, he doesn't feel comforted. He just keeps throwing up until there's nothing left. Once he's finished, he just sits with his back against the tub.

"Hey, let's get you back to bed." Kendall murmurs, reaching for him. He whimpers softly and holds onto his friend, letting Kendall lead him out of the bathroom. He can barely walk because he's so tired. He doesn't know how he has handled these past few months. He's almost ready to throw in the towel. He's not getting any better, so he's starting to see no point in continuing.

He feels relieved when he lays back down, even though he's still very uncomfortable. Now his head hurts.

"I can't do this anymore." He whispers.

"What?" Kendall asks, horrified at what James just said.

"I can't do this anymore." James repeats. "It's too hard."

"James, you can't be serious." Kendall laughs humorlessly. "Why would you want to just give up?"

"Kendall, you have no idea what it's like to feel so bad every single day of my life." James says bitterly. "I'm sick of being so tired and in so much pain all the time. It's getting to the point that I don't even care if I die. Because I would rather die than keep suffering. It's my body and if I wanna quit chemotherapy, then I will."

"James, please don't do this." Kendall pleads, his eyes filling with tears.

"Just leave me alone!" James yells. Kendall shakes his head and storms out of the room, slamming the door shut. Once he's gone, James bursts into tears. He knows that he shouldn't give up, but it just doesn't seem like chemo is doing him any good. It's suppose to help him get better, but it has only made him feel worse. He'll probably die if he quits chemo, but you know what? He's already dying.

* * *

><p>"He wants to quit chemo?" Mama Knight asks in disbelief.<p>

"Yeah." Kendall replies, his voice shaking. He can't believe that James wants to quit. If he quits, he'll die and his loved ones will suffer. He cares about James, he really does, and that's why he doesn't wanna let James give up. Yeah, chemo is a hard and painful experience, but it'll be worth it when the cancer goes away. Doesn't James see that?

"Look, I think we should let him rest for now." Mama Knight says, wiping her own tears away. "We'll talk about it tomorrow."

Kendall nods as his mom pulls both him and Carlos into a hug. They don't wanna lose their best friend. James is crazy, self absorbed, and Cuda obsessed sometimes, but they love him. He's their brother and they want him to be in their lives for a long time. Kendall wishes that James could see the situation from their point of view. It's much worse for him because he's the one going through it, but it's bad for their loved ones because they have to sit back and watch him fight this horrible battle.

"Let's go and video chat with Logan." Carlos says quietly. Kendall nods and gives Mama Knight a hug before he goes to Carlos and Logan's bedroom. How are they gonna explain this to Logan? He's still in a very fragile state and they have to be careful about breaking news like this to him. They don't wanna upset him too much.

"Okay, I texted him and he's getting on right now." Carlos murmurs, turning the computer on. The two boys wait patiently, relieved when Logan appears on the screen. He's sitting in front of a computer in the lounge. He wanted to bring his lap top, but they were told that patients aren't allowed to bring electronics.

"Hey, why do you guys look so upset?" He asks them.

"It's...It's James." Kendall says softly. "He...wants to quit chemo."

"What? Is he crazy?" Logan questions, truly shocked. Kendall is far too upset to say anymore. The thought of losing James breaks his heart. James is only eighteen! He has his whole life ahead of him! He can't quit now. He should keep fighting until he's well again. Kendall knows that it must be hard on him, but he could at least consider everyone else's feelings.

"He's in so much pain." Carlos says tearfully. "He said that he would rather die than keep suffering."

"No," Logan says, his voice cracking. "H-he can't do this. We need him! I need him. Please don't let him give up!"

"We're gonna talk to him tomorrow." Carlos assures him. "We're gonna try to talk him out of it, okay?"

"O-okay." Logan says, his voice still thick with tears. Carlos touches the screen as if he's trying to reach out to Logan. Kendall wishes that he could be here with them, but they were informed during a recent visit that he still has at least two more months before he can be released. Kendall hopes that those two months go by real fast.

"Take care of yourself, okay?" He tells Logan.

"I will." Logan says, wiping the tears from his cheeks.

"We're serious." Carlos says sternly. "Take care of yourself so you'll be healthy when they finally let you out."

"Seriously, I'll take care of myself." Logan insists. "I promise."

* * *

><p>"James?" Carlos says softly, carefully pushing the door open. He only gets a soft groan in response. His heart seems to shatter more and more every time he sees James. He thought that chemo was good for patients. How can medicine that makes someone sicker be considered good? Carlos personally sees nothing good about it.<p>

"Why do you wanna quit chemo?" He asks, sitting on his sick friend's bed.

"Didn't Kendall tell you?" James moans. "It's too hard, too painful. I just can't do it anymore."

Carlos barely manages to avoid crying as he stares at James. What happened to his best friend? He wants his fellow Hollywood Super Party King Of Hollywood back. James use to be so crazy and fun loving, then he got sick and his whole personality changed.

"Jay, think about what you're doing." He says tearfully. "If you quit chemo, you could die. If you die, you'll be leaving all your friends and family behind. We don't wanna lose you, buddy."

"Carlos-"

"And think about your fans." Carlos adds. "They love you! You would break their hearts if you died. I'm just asking you to consider continuing chemo. With the chemo, you have a chance at beating the cancer and getting your normal life back. Don't you want that?"

"Carlos, I do, but-"

"Just think about it, okay?" Carlos says softly, giving James a gentle hug before leaving the room.

* * *

><p><strong>Review! :D<strong>


	35. I Won't Give Up

"Is he crazy? He can't quit!"

James lets tears trickle down his cheeks as he listens to his parents, Mama Knight, and his friends talk quietly. It doesn't matter how quietly they speak because he can still hear them. Truthfully, he doesn't wanna die, but chemo is so painful. He doesn't know if he can do it anymore! He's so tired and he just doesn't feel like he can take it. They should try to understand that, right?

"I'm gonna talk to him." His mom says, her voice cracking. He whimpers as he pulls the covers over his head, not wanting to deal with this right now. He wants to live as much as they want him to live, but he feels like he's dying anyway. What's the point of living? Wouldn't it be better for him to live comfortably for a few months, rather than live in misery for a few years?

"Honey, your parents wanna talk to you." Mama Knight says softly. James sighs softly and shrugs, forcing the covers away from his face. He turns away from the wall just as his parents walk into the bedroom. Why do they have to talk to him right now? Couldn't they wait until he actually feels somewhat decent? His dad stays standing, but his mom sits on the edge of his bed and rubs his arm.

"Ms. Knight told us that you wanna quit chemo." She says, her eyes full of sadness.

"I don't wanna talk about it." James murmurs, closing his eyes.

"Baby, I know it's hard, but I think you should keep trying." Brooke says, stroking his cheek. James shakes his head, fighting back tears. He has already cried enough and he really doesn't wanna cry anymore. How can she ask him to keep trying? Doesn't she understand that he doesn't wanna go through this anymore? He's in so much pain and he just can't take it anymore.

"I can't do it." He says, his voice thick with tears.

"Hey, you're strong." Brooke says, holding his hand. "We all believe in you. You can do this, James."

"Mom, please." James cries. "It's too hard."

"Buddy, please think about this carefully." Samuel pleads. James sniffles and winces as he sits up with his mother's help. He feels sick again, but he's too weak to walk to the restroom by himself. He doesn't wanna throw up on the floor. He looks at his mom with pleading eyes and she helps him off the bed, guiding him toward the restroom. He kneels in front of the toilet, throwing up. His parents rub his back and he continues emptying his stomach, even there's really not much to throw up.

"Do you want us to get Kendall and Carlos?" Brooke asks softly. James nods and his parents go to get his best friends. He finally stops vomiting and flushes the toilet, pulling the seat down and resting his head on top of it. He wants to live, but he's scared that it may be years before he goes into remission. Can he suffer for that long?

"Okay, we're here." Carlos says sympathetically as he and Kendall sit on either side of James.

James lets his friends pull him into a hug, closing his eyes.

"I wanna keep going."

"What?" Kendall asks hopefully.

"I wanna keep doing the chemo." James says softly. "I don't know what I was thinking when I said I wanted to give up. I wanna stay here with you guys."

"Good." Carlos says, holding him close. "We want you to stay with us. We're not ready to lose you yet."

* * *

><p>"Okay, so James has decided to continue chemo." Logan says in relief, limping over to his bed. He has been in rehab for a little over a month and although he has met some nice people here, he prefers being with his friends and family. That's why he was so excited when Camille showed up today. She said that she was bored, but he knows that she came here because she missed him. She finally admitted it, like, five minutes ago. He can read that girl's mind like a book.<p>

"I can't believe that he actually considered quitting." Camille says sadly.

"He was just tired and cranky." Logan tells her, laying down. His injuries from the car accident aren't fully healed yet, but he did get the sling and cast off his arms. He still uses his wheelchair a lot, but he can walk a little more now. He's looking forward to being able to get around without the use of the chair, but he's just glad that he can use his hands again.

"Right." Camille sighs, reaching out to play with his hair. He chuckles when she brings her face closer to his, their noses barely touching. They aren't back together yet, but Camille seems to have no problem flirting with her ex boyfriend. If she wants to get back together, Logan would be thrilled, but he doesn't know how she feels about continuing their relationship.

"You know, you look a lot healthier now." She tells him. "You looked terrible before you checked in. No offense, of course."

"Yeah, I know." Logan says, grabbing her hand and intertwining their fingers. They've spent the past two hours mostly talking about James's cancer and Logan's life in rehab, but he really wants to talk about their relationship. He wants to know if she wants to be with him. He knows that he wants to be with her, but if she doesn't feel the same way, he'll try to accept it. You know, even though it'll really hurt him.

"I'm glad you're getting better." She tells him. "By the way, if you ever do this to yourself again, I will seriously kick your-"

"You won't do anything." Logan teases.

"You're lucky that I lo-like you." Camille says with a nervous giggle. "Otherwise, I would totally slap you."

"You use to slap me all the time!"

"I know." Camille says proudly. Logan suddenly grabs her, laughing as he pulls her into his arms. Their noses touch once again, but that's not the only thing that happens this time. Logan leans close to her and kisses her softly, wrapping one arm around her waist. She runs her fingers through his hair.

"Wow." She says as she slowly pulls away. "What was that about?"

"Um, I don't know." Logan says, pretending to be confused. He knows why he did it, but he's suddenly terrified about letting her know the truth. He kissed her because he wanted to kiss her! He's been wanting to do it for months and since she was so close to him, he decided to go ahead and do it.

"Um, wanna talk about something else?" Camille asks awkwardly.

"Yeah." Logan gulps.

"How much longer is James gonna receive chemo?" Camille asks him.

"Probably a few more months." Logan says, still feeling a bit awkward. "Then they'll run some tests to see if the cancer is gone."

"I hope it goes away." Camille says, staring at the sheets.

"Same here."

He isn't sure whether to feel glad that he kissed her or regret it! He knows that he's relieved that they changed the subject because neither one of them feels ready to talk about what just happened.

* * *

><p>"I'm sorry I scared you guys." James says softly, just an hour after his latest trip to the restroom. Once he was finished throwing up, they helped him over to the couch. That way, he could get some rest without being bored and alone. They've been watching one of the many Spongebob DVD's that Carlos owns. James has never known a nineteen year old boy as obsessed with the yellow sponge as Carlos is.<p>

"Don't worry about it." Kendall replies. James can't help feeling guilty. He has been so tired and stressed out that he ended up hurting his loved ones. Sometimes James does feel like he wants to just give up and die, but he wants to live most of the time. Fighting cancer is the hardest thing that he has ever done, but maybe it'll turn out okay. He certainly hopes so. He's only eighteen. He has his whole life ahead of him.

"You know, if you ever feel like it's becoming too much, just talk to us." Carlos tells him. "Don't give up on your life, okay?"

"I won't." James sighs. "It just gets so difficult sometimes. Most of the time, I feel miserable. I don't think I've ever been so uncomfortable in my life. It hurts so much and sometimes I just feel like this cancer isn't even worth fighting. Chemo is suppose to make me better, but it has only made me feel worse."

"James, you've gotta keep going." Kendall says, wrapping his arms around his friend. "We would be so miserable without you. We want you to keep fighting so you can become healthy again and everything can go back to normal. You can do that for us, right?"

"Okay," James says weakly. "I'll try."

* * *

><p><strong>I just realized that Gustavo and Kelly haven't appeared in a while! I promise they'll in the next chapter! Remind me to include them!<strong>

**Review! :D**


	36. A Daily Battle

"I'm glad you didn't give up." Devonne says, rubbing James's shoulder. James just shrugs in response, too exhausted to speak. Chemo never gets any easier. This session is just like the others. It's total misery. He doesn't regret changing his mind about quitting chemo, but all he can think about is the discomfort he's feeling. Every day, he prays that the cancer will go away, but it never does. When is this fight gonna end? Will he ever be able to look in the mirror and see his old self again?

"Hey, what's wrong?" Devonne asks him. "Your mom said that she's worried about you."

"I'm so tired of this." James says softly.

"I know, but we're all here for you." Devonne tells him, giving his hand a squeeze. "You're not alone, okay?"

James knows that. His friends and family have been with him every step of the way and he's so grateful for that, but that doesn't make this seem any easier for him. His whole life has fallen apart. He remembers looking at some old pictures this morning and he was horrified by the difference between the formerly healthy James Diamond and James in real life. They're the same person, yet so different.

"How much longer?" He murmurs.

"A few more minutes." Devonne replies. Even a few minutes seems like forever to James. He's been doing this for three hours now and he wants it to be over. All he can think about is going home and sleeping in his comfy bed.

"My stomach hurts." He whimpers. Devonne shushes him and he takes a couple deep breaths, slowly calming down. He closes his eyes and lays on his side, falling asleep. But his slumber doesn't last very long at all. He opens his eyes to find Doctor Barlow removing his IV, staying completely still. He looks toward the doorway, where his parents, Mama Knight, and the guys are standing.

"Okay, James, you're free to go." Doctor Barlow tells him. James sigh softly as Devonne helps him sit up, flinching. He is helped off the bed and into a wheelchair. He adjusts the baseball cap, wearing it backwards. He also slips his hood over his head, hiding his lack of hair. By the way, he still feels ashamed of that. He never leaves the apartment without something covering his head. The last thing he wants is people staring at him.

"Honey, Kelly called and said that she and Gustavo will be stopping by the apartment later." Mama Knight says as she pushes James out of the room.

"Really? I haven't seen them in a while." James says softly.

"They've been busy, but Kelly says that they really miss us." Carlos says proudly. James chuckles lightly. Gustavo rarely admits anything, especially if it involves his "dogs." Kelly forced him to admit that he likes them, but he never admits when he has missed them. Kelly always has to say it for him.

"Okay, almost there." Brooke says as they walk out the front doors. As usual, Mama Knight parked the van close to the entrance.

"Here we are." Kendall says as they approach the van. He and Carlos help James out of the wheelchair and into the van before sitting on either side of him. He rests his head on Kendall's shoulder and falls asleep almost immediately.

After about twenty minutes, they return to the Palm Woods. Mama Knight parks the van next to Brooke and Samuel's car, then gets out of the vehicle and gets James's wheelchair from the back of the van. She opens it up and waits for Kendall and Logan to bring James over. They need to get him back to the apartment so he can rest. Mama Knight also wants to make sure that Katie hasn't broken anything. She didn't feel like going to the hospital, so Mama Knight let her stay home alone.

"Come on, almost there." Kendall says, helping James over to the wheelchair. As soon as he's sitting down, Mama Knight locks the van and pushes James toward the entrance. He hides his face from the onlookers, who only seem to watch him with sympathy. He can't stand it. He should appreciate their concern, but he hates when people feel sorry for him.

"Have you talked to Jo lately?" He asks Kendall.

"Um, a little bit." Kendall responds. "Not very much, though."

"Because you've been busy taking care of me." James says softly. He knows that he has no control over the situation, but he feels bad that his illness has made him everyone's number one priority. His friends have mostly given up on having a social life because they dedicate all their time to taking care of him. Since they've already graduated from high school, they hardly socialize with anyone at all.

"Jay, that's not-" Kendall starts to say.

"Go and hang out with her for a while." James says calmly. "I'm sure she has missed you."

"Okay." Kendall sighs. While everyone else heads back to 2J, he reluctantly approaches his girlfriend. That is, if she still wants to be his girlfriend. "Hey, do you wanna hang out? I know we haven't done that in a while."

"Yeah," Jo smiles. "That sounds really great."

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Logan is still stuck at the Hope Center. He has been here for almost two months and he has pretty much gotten use to it. He can't say that he loves being here, though. He'll be released in a few weeks, depending on his progress. He's trying so hard to get better. He really wants to become normal again.<p>

Tears are streaming down his cheeks as he looks at himself in the bathroom mirror. He's not just Logan Mitchell anymore. He's Logan Mitchell, the drug addict. Every time he thinks about it, tears fill his eyes because he can't stand knowing that he made such a stupid mistake. He just felt like James's chances of survival would have been higher if he had been paying more attention.

He wipes the tears away, sniffling heavily. Why did he have to be so stupid? He wishes that he could go back in time and stop himself from doing everything he did, but there's nothing he can do about it now. He has had so many people tell him that addiction is a daily battle, something that he'll deal with for the rest of his life. If he had stayed away from drugs and alcohol in the first place, he wouldn't have a daily battle to worry about.

He grabs the edge of the sink, still looking at his reflection. Sometimes he can't help feeling self hatred. He made things worse for everyone, especially James. He's already fighting cancer, then Logan had to stress him out even more. Since James has gotten a lot weaker lately, Logan hasn't seen him since entering rehab. He's hoping that they can video chat soon, though. He wants to apologize to James for everything.

* * *

><p>"Kelly, can't I just wait in the car?" Gustavo asks as they walk down the hallway. Truthfully, he's kind of scared about seeing James. He spoke with Mama Knight on the phone and she said that James has gotten a lot sicker since the last time they saw him. He also found some recent pictures of James on Carlos's Scuttlebutter and he was shocked at how different the boy looks. No hair, really thin, pale, and just...sickly. He had a smile on his face, though.<p>

"No!" Kelly says, ringing the doorbell. "He'll wanna see both of us."

After the way Gustavo has treated him? Somehow, the man highly doubts that. When the dogs first came to LA, Gustavo was always saying that he can't stand James. Why would James wanna see someone that use to claim that they couldn't stand him? If Gustavo has to be totally honest, he has always liked James. He's a good kid! Funny, talented, and although he can be self absorbed, he cares about his family and friends.

"Come in!" Mama Knight says, stepping aside. They walk into the apartment and James is the first person they notice. He's laying on the couch, looking half asleep. Wow, he looks even worse in person.

"Hey, guys!" Kelly says cheerfully, hugging Kendall and Carlos.

"Hey." Kendall says as he and Carlos both return the hug.

"Want a hug, Gustavo?" Carlos says playfully, opening up his arms.

"No." Gustavo says flatly, glancing at James. He can't believe that this is the James Diamond that use to be so fully of energy. The poor kid looks miserable and, although Gustavo is normally a pretty tough man, he can't help feeling emotional upon seeing the sick boy. He won't cry, though. Gustavo Rocque never cries.

"He just got back from another chemo session." Kendall tells them.

"That's why he looks even worse than usual." Katie blurts out.

"Rude." James mumbles, his eyes still closed.

"Would you like to stay for lunch?" Mama Knight asks them.

"Um," Kelly hesitates as she glances at Gustavo, who nods.

* * *

><p>"Honey, don't you wanna eat anything?" Brooke asks James, who just shakes his head. Kelly watches James carefully, almost afraid to say anything to him. He doesn't seem to be in the mood to deal with anyone right now. He's not the person that they once knew. His mom told Kelly that he has a little over two months left of chemo, then they'll run some tests and see if the cancer is gone. Kelly will certainly be praying for him. He shouldn't have to keep suffering.<p>

"Look, I think I'm gonna go to bed." James says quietly, carefully standing up. They all watch as he walks to his room and closes the door. Kelly looks down at her plate, missing the old days. You know, before James got sick. Everything was great before cancer came along. James was healthy, Logan wasn't in rehab, and everyone was happy.

"Can I?" She questions, motioning to the bedroom.

"Sure." Mama Knight tells her. She quietly thanks Kendall's mom, then walks toward Kendall and James's bedroom. She and Gustavo will be leaving soon and she doesn't wanna leave without talking to James.

"You know, you look great." She lies as she enters the bedroom. Okay, he looks terrible, but she can't tell him that. He probably feels self conscious enough, so he could use some reassurance.

"You don't have to lie to me." James mumbles. "I know I look bad."

"But you're gonna get better." Kelly tells him, sitting on the edge of his bed. "Anyway, Gustavo and I are gonna leave in a minute, okay? I just wanted to say bye before we go."

"Bye." James says as he drifts off to sleep. Kelly gives him a sad smile and pats his shoulder before getting up from the bed and quietly exiting the bedroom.

* * *

><p><strong>Gustavo and Kelly finally showed up! :D<strong>

**Review! :D**


	37. Coming Home

"I thought you would be happy about leaving this place." Kendall says as he helps Logan pack.

"Yeah? Well, I've been here for three months, away from drugs and alcohol." Logan replies. "I had no choice but to go without it. Now I'm getting out of here and I'll be on my own. It's gonna be really tempting to throw my sobriety out the window."

Kendall's heart sinks. Logan is afraid to leave this place. Before Kendall left to go and pick his friend up, they locked the medicine cabinet, so there's hopefully nothing to be afraid of. It just kills him to know that this is what life has become. They have a recovering addict in their home. They're gonna welcome him back with open arms, but they all know that it won't be easy to look at Logan. It's hard to accept that someone close to them has actually been through that.

"Hey, you'll be fine." He says, patting Logan's shoulder.

"How do you know?" Logan asks, sitting on the bed. Kendall isn't sure.

"Because you have us supporting you."

Even after he says that, he can tell that Logan is still apprehensive. It's shocking to see how much his confidence has gone down since this all started. He's still Logan, yet Kendall sees him as a different person. He has gained a few pounds, he's not as pale anymore, but the pain in his eyes still remains. They were all affected by James's diagnosis, but no one was affected as much as Logan.

"Let's just go." Logan whispers, grabbing one of his suitcases. Kendall grabs the rest and follows him, watching him carefully. He can already tell that life with a recovering addict won't be easy. That stuff about addiction being a daily battle appears to be true. It's great that Logan is getting better, but he seems depressed. Maybe not because he can't have the drugs anymore, but for some other reason.

"Look, whenever we get home, we'll do something fun." He says, throwing his arm around Logan's shoulders. "How does that sound?"

"Great." Logan shrugs. Kendall already knows that Battle Blast 4, dome hockey (or any kind of hockey), and the swirly slide are out of the question. James has been sleeping all day, so they'll have to do something quiet. He gets real cranky if he's woken up. Kendall does not wanna deal with cranky James today.

"Wait," He says, stopping Logan from approaching the car. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Why do you keep asking me that?" Logan questions.

"You seem kind of...upset."

"I told you." Logan sighs. "I'm just worried about the temptation. Here, there's none of that, but once you're released, you're on your own. Now I'm gonna have to continue fighting this all by myself."

"You're not alone, okay?" Kendall tells him. "We're all gonna help you."

Logan doesn't say another word, climbing into the front passengers seat instead. That leaves Kendall to put all of the luggage in the trunk by himself. Logan is probably just tired, though. Normally, he would be annoyed, but he knows that Logan needs to be shown compassion and understanding.

"Sorry I didn't help you with the luggage." Logan murmurs as Kendall gets behind the wheel.

"Um, it's okay." Kendall says calmly. "Just try to get some rest."

* * *

><p>"James, honey, please eat something." Brooke pleads.<p>

"For the love of God, leave me alone." James growls, hiding under the covers. He doesn't know why no one seems to understand that he can't eat right now. Everything he puts in his stomach makes him feel sick, so it would be great if he could just be left alone. He's so tired and it's really stressful when people try to force him to eat.

"Baby, you never eat anymore and it's scaring me." Brooke says softly, rubbing his shoulder. "I just want you to eat _something_. Can you do that for me? You don't even have to finish. I just want you to try."

James hesitates, but ends saying "Okay." Gosh, he dreads eating. Before cancer, he loved food, but now eating almost feels like torture. Yeah, torture is a strong word, but that's the only word he can think of. These days, food just doesn't seem that great to him.

"Do you want some pudding?" Brooke asks him.

"Yeah, I guess that sounds okay." James murmurs softly. Brooke gently kisses his forehead before exiting the room. James breathes softly as he looks at a picture on his bedside table. It was taken just a couple months before he was diagnosed. They were in Los Angeles for their tour and Jo insisted on taking a picture of them. It's almost scary to see himself back then, knowing that his life would be changed just two months later.

"Okay, I got it." Brooke smiles as she returns, handing a pudding cup and a spoon to him. With her help, he sits up against the headboard. He scoops up some of the chocolate pudding, eating it reluctantly.

"Are Logan and Kendall back yet?" He asks her.

"Kendall just called and said that they're almost here." Brooke informs him, wrapping her arm around him. "Hey, you're almost done."

He'll admit that the pudding is pretty good, but it's not as enjoyable as it use to be. Chocolate pudding has always been one of his favorite snacks, but nothing seems that great to him these days. If he manages to beat this, he hopes that his appetite will come back. He misses being able to enjoy dinner with his family and friends.

"Alright, I'm finished." He hands the empty pudding cup and the spoon to her, watching as she sits it on the bedside table. He rests his head on her shoulder, closing his eyes. She strokes his cheek gently, holding him close. "Can I go to the living room?"

"Okay, baby." Brooke says, helping him off the bed. Walking is pretty tiring, but he somehow manages to make it all the way to the couch. He gives his mom a small, grateful smile as she hands him the TV remote.

"Where did everyone else go?" He asks her.

"Katie is in her room, your dad went to the Cuda store, and Mama Knight went downstairs with the guys to wait for Kendall and Logan."

"Dad went to the Cuda store?" James asks with an excited smile.

"I think you have a Cuda problem." Brooke says with a knowing look. James laughs and shakes his head. He begs to differ. He doesn't have a Cuda problem. He just happens to...Okay, maybe he was a small Cuda problem, but it's really no big deal. Besides, he has no use for most of it now, since he has no hair.

"I hope he's getting that moisturizer that I've been wanting." He tells her. "This chemo makes my skin dry."

"You are something else, you know that?" Brooke teases before walking to the kitchen. James coughs weakly and turns the TV on, flipping through the channels. He'll just watch cartoons for now.

"Okay, we're back!" Kendall says as he pushes the door open.

James whips his head toward the door, watching as Mama Knight and his friends enter the apartment. He watches Logan carefully, noticing that he seems nervous. James hopes that being around him won't cause Logan to relapse. His cancer is what caused Logan's addiction in the first place, so it wouldn't be surprising for cancer to be the cause of his relapse.

"I'm serious! We should get a dolphin and put it in the pool!" Carlos says eagerly.

"No dolphins or squids! In fact, do not put _anything _ in the pool." Mama Knight says sternly. "Or in Mr. Bitters office!"

"You found out about the raccoon?" James asks her.

"No..." Mama Knight says slowly, looking at him carefully.

"Never mind." James murmurs.

"Okay, let's unpack Logan's suitcases while he rests." Mama Knight says, gently ushering Logan over to the couch. Then Carlos leads her and Kendall to his shared bedroom with Logan. James looks at his friend, unsure of what to say. He didn't really visit Logan a lot, but only because he never felt like leaving the apartment.

"It's good to have you back." He says quietly.

"I'm glad to be out of that place." Logan responds. An awkward silence follows. Wow, this isn't going as well as either of them had hoped. Did James's cancer and Logan's meltdown truly damage their friendship?

"And you're not using the wheelchair anymore." He mentions.

"Yeah, but I'm still kind of sore." Logan replies.

"Um, I think I'm gonna go and take a nap." James says softly, slowly standing up. "Maybe we can hang out later."

"Yeah." Logan nods. James walks to his room and lays down on his bed, laying on his side. He finds himself staring at that picture once again. All four of them looked so happy back then. He can tell that he was kind of tired when the picture was taken, but he still appeared cheerful. He's pretty sure that he had already started experiencing symptoms, though. Despite that, life was a lot easier than it is now.

* * *

><p><strong>I hope this was long enough!<strong>

**Review! :D**


	38. Selfish

Logan has been home since yesterday and things are still awkward in 2J. Mama Knight tries to make things as normal as possible, but the relationship between the four boys definitely isn't normal. Kendall and Carlos are trying to make sure that both James and Logan get enough attention, but their conversations are pretty...different than usual. She wants to see those boys be close again, like they use to be.

Okay, she convinced them to watch a movie together, thinking that they simply needed some bonding time, but that doesn't even seem to be working. They're all staring at the screen, not making a sound. Now she has to rely on Katie to keep the excitement around here. She use to be able to find amusement in watching the boys do boy stuff, like apartment hockey and whatnot. As a mother, you would think that she would be grateful for the peace and quiet, but she's actually kind of bored.

As she washes the dishes, she looks over at the four boys on the couch, frowning. She and Katie feels just as anxious about Logan's recent prescription medication disaster as the boys do, but they've both agreed to act as normal as possible. He needs people supporting him as he recovers from the horrible ordeal, just like James needs support as he fights his cancer.

"Are the guys talking yet?" Katie questions.

"Not right now." Mama Knight sighs, grabbing a plate of pizza bagels off the counter. She puts on a cheerful smile and enters the living room, sitting the pizza bagels on the coffee table. Then she notices James, who looks like he's almost asleep.

"Hey, let's get you to bed." She says gently, reaching for him. James gives her a half smile, letting her help him off the couch. The poor thing looks so exhausted these days. She doesn't even know if she can remember the last thing she actually saw him with any energy. He's always tired and spends most of the time in bed.

"Just lay down." She says, leading him to his and Kendall's bedroom. He lays down and she pulls the blanket over him, gently kissing his cheek. She'll just let him get some more rest. Hopefully, he'll feel a little better when he wakes up.

"Mama Knight, can I go to Camille's apartment for a while?" Logan asks.

"Um, sure." Mama Knight says. "Boys, could you go with him?"

She knows that he probably doesn't love the idea of his friends going with him to his ex girlfriend's apartment, but she's just finding it hard to trust him to go out alone. She wants to trust him again, but she's just so worried that he might end up relapsing if he doesn't have any supervision.

"Yeah." Kendall agrees, motioning for Carlos to get up. She gives each boy a kiss on their cheek before letting them leave.

* * *

><p>"Why did Mama Knight make you guys come with me?" Logan asks.<p>

"Because you're a recovering drug addict and she's afraid you're gonna fall off the wagon." Carlos replies. Logan just shakes his head. If he has anything to do with it, he won't be "falling off the wagon." The last thing he wants is to end up back in rehab. He felt like a mental patient while he was there. It was so embarrassing how they treated him like a child. He's gonna be turning nineteen soon, so he's an adult. It didn't seem to matter to the staff at the Hope Center.

"Can we not talk about that?" He requests as they approach Camille's apartment. If he could, he would forget that any of this ever happened. But since he's gonna struggle with this for the rest of his life, it's kind of hard to forget. He learned in rehab that addiction is a constant battle. He'll have days where he feels like relapsing, but he just has to try to avoid it.

Reluctantly, he knocks on the door. Things have been weird between them since they kissed, but he's ready to talk about it. He knows that there's still a spark between them and he really wants Camille to be his girlfriend again. Just as Camille starts to open the door and Logan is about to make his dream happen, he yelps and tries to run down the hallway, but Kendall grabs him before he can go anywhere.

"Hey, I heard you got out of there." Camille says with a smile. Logan laughs nervously as she grabs his hand and leads him into the apartment. Wow, she's holding his hand. As soon as he asks her "Camille, will you get back together with me?" and he hears her say "Yes, Logan Mitchell, I will get back together with you," he'll be perfectly satisfied.

"Hey, Carlos, let's leave these two alone." Kendall says, dragging Carlos toward the door.

"Wanna talk about that kiss?" Camille whispers to him.

"You made out with her?" Carlos asks loudly. Logan smacks a hand against his face, waiting for his two friends to leave. If this is gonna work, he and Camille must be the only two people in the room. Otherwise, it'll just be awkward.

"Yeah, about that-" He says awkwardly.

"I...kind of enjoyed it." Camille admits.

HURRAY! Um, never mind. Logan was a little worried that, considering that they're an _ex _couple, but he's happy to know that she actually liked it. He would have been really embarrassed if he found out otherwise.

"How's James?"

And the conversation always turns to James. Logan understands why, he really does, but he just hoped that he and Camille could talk about their relationship. Instead, Camille asks him about something that he has to deal with everyday.

"Um, I guess he's okay." He says softly. "Just tired."

"Too bad." Camille sighs. "I hope he gets better."

"Yeah, I've gotta go." Logan tells her.

"But I thought-"

"We'll talk later." Logan says before leaving the apartment as fast as he can.

"That was fast." Carlos points out. Logan just keeps walking, leaving a very confused Kendall and Carlos to follow a few feet behind him.

* * *

><p>"Katie, do you think that Logan is mad at me?" James asks quietly.<p>

"What makes you think he's mad at you?" Katie asks him.

"Because he has hardly talked to me since he came home." James murmurs. He's kind of worried. He's still upset about what Logan did, but that's over now. Logan has pretty much been avoiding him. It really hurts him, especially since he doesn't know why he's being avoided. It's not like he can help that he has cancer. That's not why Logan's mad at him, is it?

"He just got out of rehab." Katie says carefully. "He's probably still adjusting to being back home."

James doesn't know about that. Logan hardly looks at him. It's hard to understand, though. Why would Logan be mad at him for something that isn't his fault? It wouldn't be fair to be mad at him for having cancer.

"Just watch some TV or something." Katie says, handing him the remote. He doesn't really feel like watching TV right now, but whatever. You know, anything to keep his mind off of...Well, everything. He could use a distraction.

"Logan, what happened?" Carlos pleads as they walk into the apartment.

"Nothing." Logan snaps before storming to his room, slamming the door shut.

"What's going on?" Mama Knight asks them.

"We left him alone with Camille for a few minutes and when he came out of her apartment, he was mad for some reason." Kendall replies. "I think they had a fight."

"I'll talk to him." James says, slowly standing up. The other residents of 2J seem to be reluctant about letting him walk around, but he still goes straight to Carlos and Logan's bedroom. He doesn't get why Logan is acting so weird. Even Kendall and Carlos seem concerned! What do they have to be concerned about? James is gonna find out what's going on.

"Look, I really don't wanna talk right now." Logan tells him.

"Well, that's too bad for you." James says, sitting next to him on the bed. "What happened with Camille?"

"Oh, I don't know." Logan replies sarcastically. "Maybe it's because I went over to her apartment to talk about us and she changed the conversation to you."

He's mad because Camille asked about him? That's ridiculous. Okay, so he's upset because Camille actually showed concern for James. How selfish is that? Pretty selfish if you ask James.

"Why would you be mad about that?" He asks, his eyes filling with tears.

"James, we all have to watch you fight this every day, so excuse me if I was hoping that I could just forget about it for a while! I can't have a conversation with anyone without them wanting to talk about you!"

"Okay, you know what?" James says abruptly, standing back up. "I'm done with all this. I am so done with listening to you complain just because you're not getting all the attention. To think that everyone use to think I was so self absorbed. They've obviously never met you."

"James, I'm-" Logan says, starting to tear up.

"You're worried about having to listen to people pay more attention to me than you." James says tearfully. "Well, I'm the one with cancer! I'm the one that could die at any time! I'm fight for my _life _and all you can think about is yourself? When is this gonna stop, Logan? Huh? Or are you always gonna be a selfish jerk?"

"James, I-"

"No..." James whispers, choking up. "I can't do this anymore. I can't keep dealing with you and your self centered ways. I just...I just can't."

He leaves a tearful Logan behind, ignoring everyone else's protests as he storms out of the apartment.

* * *

><p><strong>Where is James going? ;)<strong>

**Review! :D**


	39. Broken

"Carlos, talk to Logan." Kendall says, worry filling his eyes. "I'll go after James."

Carlos nods and begins walking towards the bedroom. Logan is digging through his bedside table drawer, mumbling something that sounds like "Where are they?" He's not looking for the painkillers, is he? He just got out of rehab yesterday, so there's no way that he could already be experiencing withdrawal. According to the nurses, he had been experiencing withdrawal less often.

"You don't need them." He says desperately, reaching out to Logan.

"I'm not talking about the stupid pills! I need my cigarettes!" Logan says in a panic, desperately looking through the drawers. "Don't tell me that I don't need them! I'm not doing anything illegal by smoking one, okay?"

"Logan, please," Carlos begs, grabbing a hold of him. "It's not good for you."

"Let me go!" Logan yells as Carlos drags him over to the bed. Carlos forces him to sit down, pulling the distraught boy into his arms. Logan tries to get away at first, but he finally gives up on fighting. Carlos holds him tightly, hoping that he'll calm down.

"Just tell me what happened between you and James." He says, rubbing Logan's back.

"Fine! I was frustrated because Camille asked about James just as I was about to start discussing the future of our relationship with her. I know it sounds bad, but it's just that we deal with James and his cancer every day. I was upset because I really just want a break from it. It's not that I'm blaming James for being sick. I'm just...I don't know!"

"Hey, I'm not mad." Carlos says softly. He has seen where getting mad has gotten them before. Yeah, Logan probably should have tried to control his anger, but he's just stressed out. They need to try and understand that. Carlos gets tired of dealing with it too. He's pretty sure that they're all tired of dealing with James's cancer situation, but none of them are angry with him. He can't help that he's sick. However, Carlos refuses to be upset with Logan for snapping.

"How can you not be mad at me?" Logan asks as tears stream down his face. "I hurt James! I was telling him about how I felt and he thinks that I'm selfish! I know I am! He's suffering from a life threatening illness and all I've thought about is myself. Carlos, I'm a horrible person!"

"No!" Carlos says adamantly. "You are _not _a horrible person. You've made mistakes, but I can't think of one person that hasn't. None of us are perfect and we've all messed up before."

"Carlos, I-"

"Logan, I'm serious." Carlos says sternly. "Stop being so hard on yourself. You are a great person, okay? I'm tired of seeing you hurting. I mean, think about James. Do you think that he wants you to wallow in self hatred? He doesn't! I'm sure that he just wants you to be happy again. We all want that, Logie. We miss the old you. You know, our fun but nerdy best friend."

"Hey, I'm not a nerd." Logan says with a small laugh.

"Dude, you read math books for fun." Carlos tells him. "If that's not nerdy, I don't know what us."

"Jerk."

"Don't be rude!"

"It's a free country! I have a right to speak my mind! Right now, I'm thinking about what a jerk you are."

"I was just telling the truth! You, Logan Mitchell, are a nerd!"

"Dude, shut up!"

"Not unless you shut up first." Carlos retorts. That earns him a punch in the shoulder. Strangely enough, he doesn't mind at all. He misses having stupid arguments with Logan. Yeah, they use to get on everyone's nerves because they would argue so much, but Carlos actually appreciates those arguments. He never thought he would say that, but it's true.

"Fine." Logan replies.

"Are you okay now?" Carlos asks him.

"I guess." Logan says, rubbing his eyes. "Did Kendall go after James?"

"Yeah." Carlos says, giving him another hug. "They'll hopefully be back soon."

* * *

><p>"James! James, where are you?" Kendall calls out as he walks into the lobby.<p>

"What's going on?" Lucy questions.

"James got a little upset and he walked out of the apartment." Kendall says tiredly. "Have you seen him?"

"Parking garage."

"Thanks." Kendall says before heading out to the crowded parking garage. He searches everywhere for his ill friend, but James is nowhere to be found. He prays that James is okay, hoping that he's just hiding. He better not be driving. He doesn't have enough to strength to drive.

The Big Time Rush mobile is gone. James apparently did drive off. That's not good. Where would James possibly go? What if he falls asleep behind the wheel and gets into a fatal accident? Kendall is freaking out. He has to find a ride so he can go and find James, then he will bring him home. James has no business driving in his condition.

Ugh, James didn't take his cell phone. Kendall knows because he saw it on the coffee table when James left. That makes the situation even worse! Maybe Lucy will let him borrow her car. Once she knows that he has a very good reason, she'll have to understand. He can't let James roam the city, sick and alone.

"Lucy, I need to borrow your car!" He calls out as he runs back into the building.

Lucy sighs. "Why?"

"Because James drove off in our car and I need to find him." Kendall starts. "He can't drive right now, so I really need to bring him home. In fact, could you come with me? That way, I can drive the Big Time Rush mobile whenever we find him."

"Fine." Lucy says, running a hand through her hair. With that, they walk back out to the parking lot. As they get into Lucy's car, Kendall tries to think about where James might have went. He knows that the Palm Woods park isn't the place. James knows that the park would be the first place they would look. He must have picked a place that no one would be able to guess.

"Why did he leave?" Lucy asks as she drives out of the parking lot.

"He and Logan must have had a fight." Kendall says sadly. "I don't think Logan has accepted James's cancer yet. I don't know when everything is finally gonna go back to normal. I hope it happens soon, though."

"Doesn't James have a little over a month left of chemo?"

"Well, yeah, but-"

"Maybe they'll find out that the cancer is gone."

"That could happen-"

"Anyway, where would James go?" Lucy says, looking at their surroundings.

"Hey, what about the beach?" Kendall says eagerly. The beach has always been soothing to James, so maybe that's where he is. At least, it better be. Mama Knight will throw a fit if James isn't brought home safe and sound.

"The beach is, like, an hour away." Lucy says calmly, driving a little faster. "There's no way that he has gotten that far."

Kendall looks out the window, hoping that it doesn't take too long to find his friend. Then he notices something. Just a few cars ahead of them, the Big Time Rush mobile can be seen.

"There he is!" He says quickly, pointing straight ahead. Lucy passes up the two cars in front of them, getting right behind James. They just have to follow him until he decides to pull over. That better happen soon. Kendall won't be able to relax until James stops driving.

Lucy turns right, continuing to follow the red convertible. The hood is down, so they can easily see that the driver is exactly who they're looking for. They can recognize that hairless head anywhere, even though it's covered by a black bandana.

"I'm honking the horn." Lucy says impatiently. "That'll get his attention."

"Lucy-" Before Kendall can protest, Lucy presses down on the car horn. Of course, she has never been very good at listening to people. She was told not to give Jett a wedgie, but she did it anyway. She was warned not to push Blonde Jennifer into the pool, she did it anyway. Kendall tries to warn her that honking her car horn might attract unnecessary attention, she does it anyway. He's not even surprised.

But it seems to get James's attention. He looks in the rearview mirror before pulling over. Lucy does the same and Kendall practically jumps from the car, rushing over to the Big Time Rush mobile.

"James? Buddy, are you okay?" He asks, helping James from the car.

"I wanted to be left alone." James says bitterly.

"What happened between you and Logan?" Kendall asks him.

"He was mad because Camille started talking about me when he visited her apartment. I'm so mad because he's more concerned about his relationship than my life. So I told him off! I can't help that I'm sick, so he has no right to take it out on me! I mean, I know that he's upset and this whole thing is probably getting pretty old, but it's not my fault!"

"Shhh," Kendall says, pulling him into a hug. "We know."

"I wanna go home." James says softly.

"Let's go." Kendall murmurs, helping him around to the other side of the car. He helps James into the front passengers seat, then he gets behind the wheel.

* * *

><p>"James, what were you thinking?" Mama Knight says as the two boys enter the apartment. "I was worried sick!"<p>

"Sorry, Mama Knight." James says quietly as Kendall's mom grabs a hold of him. He allows her to take him to his bed, where he lays down. As she pulls the covers over him, he gives his fight with Logan a little more thought. Why did it happen? Why did Logan get so angry just because Camille acknowledged his sick best friend? Logan never use to get mad about things like that. These days, it seems like his temper is worse than Kendall's.

"I don't want you leaving the Palm Woods without someone with you." Mama Knight tells him. "You're in no condition to wander the city, especially not on your own. You've gotta be more careful, okay? I know that you were upset with Logan, but that's no excuse for you to put your health at risk."

"Really, I'm sorry." James responds, giving her an apologetic smile. Mama Knight gently kisses his forehead and leaves the room.

It's very sweet that everyone is so concerned about him. He still gets frustrated with their over attentiveness sometimes, but he really is grateful to have family and friends that care about him. If there's anything that he has learned from having cancer, he has learned to appreciate what he has. He has family and friends that love him.

* * *

><p><strong>I think that the next chapter should be a <em>happy <em>_chapter:) How does that sound?_**

**_Review! :D_**


	40. A Break From The Pain

"I win! I win!"

James watches his friends curiously, desiring to join them for some video games. They're playing Battle Blast 4, which happens to be one of James's favorites. He hasn't felt very well in a long time, but he actually feels pretty good today. He's still a little tired, but more energetic than he has felt in a while. He's just kind of scared to ask them if he can join, worried that they might refuse and force him to lay down.

"Hey, can I join you guys?" He asks, walking around the couch and lowering himself onto the comfy seating.

"You sure, buddy? You're not too tired?" Kendall asks, concerned for him. James sighs heavily, shaking his head. They have to question him every time he wants to do anything! Truthfully, it's driving him crazy. Today, he feels good and he wants to do something fun. If they would just shut up and let him, that would be _great_.

"No." He says calmly. "Give me a controller."

"Okay-" Kendall says, starting to hand him the blue controller.

"Ah ah...I want the green one." James grins playfully. Kendall looks over at Logan, who was using the green controller. James gives him a smile and he sighs heavily, handing the green controller over to James. "Get ready to lose."

"Good luck with that, Diamond." Carlos smirks, restarting the game. James laughs softly and starts playing along, feeling normal for the first time in a while. He blasts all the spaceships coming after his own. It feels really good to actually have the strength to enjoy something. Most of the time, he never really feels like doing anything.

A few minutes later, Carlos is forced to eat his words. Why? Because James wins this game. Carlos feigns disappointment, while James grins and high fives Kendall and Logan.

"Not bad." He finally tells his sick friend. "Not bad at all."

James suddenly starts coughing, which scares his friends. But he finally stops and they all feel relieved. He personally thinks that they worry way too much. He knows that it's normal for them to be concerned, but he wishes that everyone would treat him normally. He's sick, but he's not a child. Everyone treats him like an invalid.

"Guys, I'm fine." He says, gently pushing Kendall's hand off his shoulder. "Hey, we should go out to the pool for a while."

"Jay, we don't think-" Carlos starts to say.

"Yeah, you really should rest." Logan agrees.

"Guys, I'm fine." James insists, slowly standing up. "Let's go."

"Okay." Kendall sighs. "But we want you to relax. No swimming or anything like that."

"I won't." James says, walking toward the door. His friends follow close behind, keeping their eyes on him. It makes him kind of uncomfortable, but he supposes that he has gotten use to it. He has been dealing with their overprotectiveness for almost a year. He'll be going to his last chemo session soon, then they'll run some rest (to see if the cancer is gone) a week later.

"Logan, are you ever gonna talk to Camille?" Carlos asks.

"I don't know." Logan sighs. "She hasn't spoken to me all week. I tried calling her, but she won't answer her phone. I guess she's mad because of what happened."

James has really been trying to avoid thinking about what happened between him and Logan. They have made up since then, but he was pretty hurt when Logan got so angry at him. He knows that they're all tired of his cancer, but they need to understand that he's the one that has to deal with it the most.

"Buy her flowers and chocolate!" Kendall suggests. "That's what I do whenever Jo is mad at me."

"I'll just talk to her later." Logan shrugs. "She had an audition today."

The guys enter the elevator, where James proceeds to lean against the wall. He really hates how walking is so tiring now. He'll be happy to lay down on a nice lawn chair under the Los Angeles sun. He hasn't been outdoors very much, except for trips to chemo. He rarely goes outside just to relax and enjoy nature. He's usually much too tired for that.

"You okay?" Kendall asks him.

"I'm okay." James insists with a small smile. When the elevator dings, he allows his friends to guide him into the lobby and toward the pool area. He immediately heads over to a lawn chair and lies down, frowning when his friends stay next to him. Not that he minds, but he just wants them to have fun.

"Guys, go and enjoy yourselves." He tells them.

"But-" Carlos starts to say. The look James gives him is enough to make all three boys do exactly what James is telling them to do. Reluctantly, they all head off in different directions, leaving James to relax by himself. He could use some peace and quiet. It's kind of hard when people keep staring at him, but he supposes that he's use to getting attention. They're in a famous band, they have people watching them all the time, so this shouldn't be too bad...right?

"It totally sucks that you lost all your hair." Brunette Jennifer tells him.

"Thank you for pointing that out." James says flatly, making sure that his baseball cap hasn't fallen off. To make his hair loss less obvious, he also pulls the hood of his jacket over his head. Then he slips a pair of sunglasses over his eyes. Hopefully, no one will pay attention to him now.

"I know it's you, James."

James slowly pulls his sunglasses down, looking up at...Devonne?

"I'm only hiding because everyone keeps staring at me like I'm a freak show."

"You look adorable." Devonne says, sitting on the edge of James's chair. She reaches out and slowly removes his sunglasses, giving him a smile. Ugh, why did she have to do that? Now he feels self conscious again.

"Look at yourself." She tells him, pulling a compact mirror from her jeans pocket. James reluctantly takes the mirror from her, cringing when he sees his appearance. He does not look like James Diamond anymore. Well, he's obviously still himself, but he looks so much different than he did before. No hair, sickly pale and thin...Ugh.

"I look horrible."

"James David Diamond!" Devonne scolds.

"Hey, I'm just saying." James laughs as he hands the small mirror back to her.

"CANNON BALL!" A certain hyperactive latino shouts. James groans and covers his face with his hands.

"Carlos, don't-" He starts to protest. The next thing they know, a loud splash is heard and Devonne, along with most of the other guests, are drenched in pool water. "He did it anyway."

"I apologize for his stupidity." He tells Devonne, grabbing a beach towel off the table next to him.

"Oh, don't worry." Devonne sighs. "I didn't pay _that _much for this shirt."

"KISS ALREADY!"

"CARLOS!" James says loudly. "Shut up!"

"Actually, I think I'll do this just to shut him up." Devonne teases, kissing his cheek. He grins and pulls away, squeaking when Devonne wraps her arms around him and gives his cheek another kiss. Okay, he honestly enjoys this. He's getting a hug and kiss from a pretty girl. What guy wouldn't like that?

"WOO HOO!"

"Car-" He almost starts to snap at his friend, but he knows how sensitive Carlos is. The poor kid hates being yelled at. Besides, his hyper behavior is kind of funny.

"Carlos is being embarrassing, so we don't wanna be seen with him until he calms down." Logan says as he and Kendall climb out of the pool. Then he looks at Devonne. "What? We don't get any hugs?"

"Hmmm..." Devonne says thoughtfully. "Nope! My hugs are for James only."

James smirks and sticks his tongue out at them, grinning when they give him warning looks. This feels nice. He hasn't been able to loosen up and just have fun in a while, but he's actually having a really nice time today.

"Um, what song is Carlos singing?" Devonne says weirdly.

"I don't know." Logan shrugs. "I think it's from Hannah Montana, though."

"Um, okay." Devonne says slowly. "Anyway, I've gotta go! But I'll see you guys later, okay? And James, behave yourself. Promise me that you'll get plenty of rest."

"I promise." James sighs.

"Bye." Devonne says sweetly, kissing his cheek before leaving. Oh boy, Kendall and Logan are looking at him with the "We know your secret" face. If they think that he has a crush on Devonne, they are wrong. She's a good friend and she understands what he's going through because she has experienced it herself, but he does not have a crush on her...not even a little bit.

"Jay is in loooove." Kendall teases.

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are." Logan grins.

"I hate both of you."

"No, you love us." Kendall argues playfully.

"Okay, I do." James mutters. "Be glad that I do because if it weren't for that, I would kick your butts."

"Sure you would, buddy." Kendall says, nodding. "Sure you would."

"Don't believe me?"

"Not one bit."

"Jerk." James chuckles.

"But you still love us?"

"Yeah."

* * *

><p><strong>Was this happy enough? I thought it was funny and cute:) <strong>

****Review! :D****


	41. The Last Session

This is it. Today, James is getting his final chemo treatment. Next week, he'll find out if his year long fight with Leukemia is over. He's happy, but he's kind of scared at the same time. What if the chemo doesn't work? What if he went through all this pain and suffering for nothing? He had to struggle for a whole year, so he would love to find out that it was all worth it. Chemo is perfectly fine with him if it'll get rid of this horrible illness. If it didn't work however, he'll be seriously peeved off. Mostly scared, though.

He looks at the needle in his arm, his eyes filling with tears. Will he ever be the same again? He has asked himself this question about a million times, but he still wonders about it. He doesn't know what life is gonna be like, even after the cancer is gone. He may never be the same person he was before. That's terrifying. He wants to be able to pretend that this never happened.

Ugh, he feels sick. He stopped taking anti nausea meds through the IV because, strangely, they only made him feel sicker. Weird, right? Something that was suppose to stop the sickness actually made it worse. He gave the pills a chance, though. Those work pretty good, even though he has skipped a few times and ended up getting sick anyway. It's gonna be great when he goes into remission and doesn't have to worry about nausea at all.

"Hello!" He calls out impatiently. "I'm bored!"

"It's a good thing I heard you." Devonne says as she enters the room.

"Yay." James mumbles tiredly. "I feel horrible."

"It'll be ever soon." Devonne says, sitting on the edge of the bed. James is definitely looking forward to it. He's very uncomfortable right now and he just wants to be done with this. He can't wait to go home, knowing that he won't ever have to experience chemo ever again. After months of dealing with the constant discomfort, he's ready for this fight to be over. He wants to make a Big Time Rush comeback and play hockey with his friends. He wants to laugh, play, and just have fun.

"Dev, can I ask you something?"

"Sure." Devonne replies, stroking his cheek. "What's up?"

He doesn't wanna seem too forward, but his question is really important to him. He hopes that he'll be pleased with Devonne's answer.

"Do you like me?" He asks softly.

"Of course I do."

"I mean, do you _like me _like me? Like, as more than a friend?"

"Well..."

Of course, he should have known. Devonne would never be interested in him. She just turned twenty two and he'll be nineteen soon. What twenty two year old woman wants to date a nineteen year old guy? A girl like Devonne couldn't possibly be interested in dating a younger guy. Besides, he has cancer. Maybe she doesn't wanna date a guy that may or may not die. He doesn't think that it's a good idea either.

"It's okay if you don't." He says softly. Then he feels her lips against his, kissing him softly. What the...Okay, he's not even gonna protest because, quite frankly, he has been wanting this to happen for a long time. He realizes that a relationship between them would be a bad idea, though.

"I do." Devonne says as she pulls away. "I really do."

"But I'm sick." James murmurs sadly.

"I'm not gonna let that stop me from getting closer to you." Devonne tells him, touching his cheek. He loves that she's so positive about this. He wishes that her positivity would rub off on him. Maybe he wouldn't be so reluctant to start a relationship with her. He just doesn't want her to get hurt. If they get together and he dies, what happens next? Devonne will left with a broken heart. He can't do that to her.

"This...This can't happen." He says, flinching as Devonne rubs his shoulder.

"Why?" Devonne asks him.

"I told you." James says anxiously. "I'm sick."

"Yeah, but you're gonna get better."

"You don't know that." James replies. "There's a possibility that I went through all of this for nothing. What if I get those tests next week and find out that I'm still sick? When happens then? I'll probably die."

"Jay, _do not _talk like that." Devonne says sternly, gently forcing him to look at her. He breathes shakily as he looks at her brown eyes. Doesn't she understand at all? She's older than him, so she should be smarter than this. At least smart enough to realize that a relationship between them will never work. And even if he does go into remission, there's a chance that he could relapse in the future. That's why they can't be together.

"I'm serious!" He says adamantly. "I really like you, but we can't be together."

"You won't change your mind?" Devonne says, appearing very hurt. James hates doing this to her, but he's doing it to protect her. He doesn't want her to get her heart broken. He cares about her, but she'll be a lot better off if she avoids getting too close to him.

"I can't." He whispers softly.

"I know why you're pushing me away." Devonne responds, intertwining their fingers. "You're the one afraid of getting hurt. You're afraid that I'll get tired of taking care of you and I'll end up walking away from you."

"That's not it-" James tries to argue. "I mean, I just wanted to know if you liked me in that way, but I wasn't actually trying to ask you out. It was just a misunderstanding."

"So you're not into me?"

"No, I am! It's just that-"

"Then I don't understand why you're trying so hard to push me away." Devonne tells him.

"It's for the best." James tells her as he lays on his side, his back facing her. He doesn't wanna hurt her feelings, but he really is doing the right thing. He's protecting her from heartbreak. She should try to understand that. He's doing this for her. By rejecting her, he's protecting her heart from the pain of losing him.

She gives him a gentle kiss on his cheek before hurriedly exiting the room. Then he hears someone else, actually three people, enter the room. Like he really feels like dealing with anyone right now. He wants to get some sleep, then go home and sleep some more. But it's quite obvious that no one is gonna let that happen.

"Why does Devonne look so sad?" Carlos asks worriedly.

"I wanted to know if she liked me as more than a friend," James starts. "By the way, she does. However, I told her that we can't be together because my cancer may not go away and I could die. I explained it to her, but I still don't think she gets it. I'm doing it to protect her. Why can't she understand that?"

"Jay, you're not gonna die." Kendall tells him. "We all know that."

"No, we don't!" James argues, sitting up.

"You won't." Logan says calmly. "You can't die. If you die, we'll have suffered for nothing. You've been through too much, I had to attend rehab for three months, and these two were stuck worrying about both of us. You wanna know something, James? If you die, I'm done. I will be absolutely _done with everything_."

"Logie, don't say that." James whispers weakly. Logan just turns around and walks out of the room, leaving James near tears. James is scared now. Logan basically just threatened to end his own life if James dies. Is he insane? James is so scared because he doesn't know if he's gonna live. If he doesn't survive this, Logan might end up doing something crazy.

"Jay, he didn't mean that." Carlos says softly, reaching out to him.

"Help me up." James says calmly, closing his eyes. "I need to talk to him."

"You can't." Kendall says, grabbing his shoulders.

"I'm hooked up to an IV." James reminds him. "I'm not tied to the bed, you know. I can walk if I want to. Now, please just help me out of this bed."

Kendall and Carlos exchange reluctant looks, but they carefully help James off the bed, making sure that he's holding onto the IV pole. They start to follow him, but they stop walking when he gives them a look. Slowly, he makes his way out of the room, searching for his upset friend. He's not gonna let Logan think that it's okay for him to talk like that. What he said was serious and very disturbing.

Walking is so tiring, so he has to pause for a moment. A concerned nurse approaches him and asks if he's alright and he quietly tells her that he's fine, just looking for a friend. Thanking her, he begins walking again, anxiously looking for Logan. When he walks around the corner, he finds Logan sitting on the floor.

"Why would you say that?" He asks. "Logan, you scared me! You knew that saying something like that would freak us all out! Why did you say something so horrible? Even if I die, you better not dare to hurt your friends and family like that. We all love you and never want you to do anything crazy. You've done enough of that already."

"James, I'm sorry, but-"

"No, I don't wanna hear it." James tells him. "I just wanna know why you said that. Why did you threaten to take your own life if I die?"

"I don't know." Logan says coolly.

"Don't do it." James pleads. "Chances are, I probably won't die, but even if I did, I don't want you to _ever _hurt yourself and your loved ones."

He still feels apprehensive about his chances of survival, but now he can see that it's important for him to stay positive. He needs to stay positive for his friends. They need him to do that. He's still terrified, but he'll try to ignore the feeling of anxiety in his stomach.

"Okay, I won't." Logan says quietly.

"Promise me." James says adamantly.

"I promise." Logan replies. "Anyway, let's get you back to your room."

"Alright." James sighs, letting Logan guide him back toward his room.

* * *

><p>"James, you are ready to go." Doctor Barlow tells him. "Come back next week, so we can run the tests."<p>

"Thanks." James smiles softly as his mom helps him off the bed.

"Remember that you still can't overexert yourself." Doctor Barlow warns him. "Even though your treatment is over, you're still gonna be tired for a while. No hockey, no swimming, no running, just get plenty of rest."

"I'll remember." James responds with a small laugh.

"I brought your wheelchair." Devonne says softly, pushing a chair into the room. Well, this is awkward. He rejected her and now she's acting weird around him. Why did he have to be so stupid? He does like her! In fact, he likes her a little more than he thought he ever would. He doesn't want her to hate him. Once he knows for sure that this cancer battle is over, he would love to be with her.

"Thanks." He says, lowering himself into the wheelchair.

"Thank you all so much." Brooke tells Doctor Barlow, Chelsea, and Devonne. Then she begins pushing James out of the room and down the hallway, with the guys and Mama Knight following close behind.

* * *

><p><strong>I'm gonna go ahead and tell you about my next story idea:) Haha, I'm full of ideas:P If you're a How To Love fan, you'll probably like this:) I am planning to write a sequel to How To Love once Unbroken is finished:D Not a side story like On My Mind, Nothing Even Matters, or Baby's First Christion, but an official sequel to the main story:) Does that sound good? You'll get to see James, Lucy, and Miss Kenzie Diamond again:D<strong>

**Review! :D**


	42. Almost Over

"Honey, everything will be fine." Brooke says, holding James's hand.

"Your mother's right." Samuel agrees. James doesn't know if he believes them. They don't know that he'll be okay. He might still be sick. He might even die. James is just being realistic. He knows that it's possible that his cancer isn't gone. Everyone needs to accept that possibility.

"Jay, you're gonna be okay." Kendall assures him. he hopes that they're right, but he just doesn't wanna have a nervous breakdown if they find out that he's still sick. He's mentally preparing , that doesn't count as being pessimistic. It's better to be prepared for every possibility.

"Hey, can I talk to James alone." Devonne asks them.

"Sure." Mama Knight says, ushering the others out of the waiting room. James slowly looks up from the floor, looking at Devonne. He felt so stupid after their talk the other day. He has a chance to be with a really special, amazing girl. He cares about her and he wants to make her his girlfriend, but he wants to wait until he knows for sure that his cancer is gone.

"This is it." She tells him.

"Yeah." He agrees quietly.

"Okay, why do you seem so determined to believe that you're still sick?" Devonne asks him, kneeling in front of him. "I really believe that you are gonna be just fine."

Everyone else believes that the cancer will be gone and everything can go back to normal, but James just doesn't know. He wants to believe that everything will be okay, but he's so scared. He's scared because he doesn't know. He doesn't wanna be sick anymore. He wants life to go back to the way it was before, but there's so much uncertainty.

"It's not that I'm determined." He says quietly. "I'm just anxious to take the tests and get the results back."

"We're all here for you." Devonne says as she looks around, making sure that the waiting room is empty. Once she realizes that no one else is around, she kisses him. This time, James doesn't have any problem with it. His fingers become entangled in her reddish brown hair, happily responding to the kiss.

They slowly pull away, their foreheads and noses touching.

"I wanna be with you." James whispers. "I just don't want you to get hurt."

"I'll be fine." Devonne says, stroking his cheeks. James kisses her again, grinning as Devonne smiles into the kiss. Her arms wrap around his neck, deepening the kiss. His smile becomes a frown when Devonne suddenly pulls away.

''James?" Doctor Barlow asks. "Are you ready for those tests?"

"Yeah." James nods, standing up. His hand brushes lightly against Devonne's as he walks past her, following Doctor Barlow down the hallway. He wants to know if he and Devonne are officially a couple. They've kissed three times, but they haven't actually gotten together, They'll have to talk about that when he's finished with these tests.

* * *

><p>Camille enters the waiting room reluctantly. She has barely spoken to Logan since he walked out of her apartment. She misses him, though. She has thought about it and she supposes that she should be a little more understanding. They've been dealing with cancer for a year, so it's understandable that he's tired of hearing about it. She feels like she overreacted. She's gonna apologize.<p>

"Is James getting his tests done?" She asks quietly.

"Yeah." Kendall nods.

"Alright," Camille sighs. "Logan, I need to talk to you."

"Wh-"

"Just come with me!" She says impatiently, grabbing Logan's hand and dragging him from the room. He protests as she pulls him down the hallway, but she still manages to get him into a janitor's closet,

"What the hell?" He says, very freaked out. She didn't mean to scare him. She just wanted to talk to him alone. She wants him to know that she's willing to put the past behind them.

"I'm sorry!" She blurts out.

"For what?"

"For ignoring you lately." She explains. "I know why you got so upset. You want a break from talking about James and his cancer. I get that now. I know that you came over because you wanted to talk about us, not James."

"I was wrong." Logan responds. "I was being selfish. James has been fighting for his life, so I shouldn't have gotten upset just because you were concerned about him. I'm the one that should be sorry."  
>"So..." Camille says reluctantly. "What do you say? Do you wanna give us another try?"<p>

"I would like that." Logan replies with a small smile. With that, Camille pulls him into a loving kiss. Now that they've taken care of their relationship, they just have to wait for James's test results. Hopefully, everything will be okay and life can go back to normal.

* * *

><p>"I'll have most of the results in a few hours, but I won't know the results of your chemotherapy test until next week." Doctor Barlow tells James.<p>

"Okay." James responds before walking down the hallway. He needs to find Devonne and make their relationship official. He can't wait any longer. He really loves that girl and he wants to make her his girlfriend. He doesn't want to look back in a few years and regret not getting together with her.

He is about to call her when he sees her walking out of a patient's room. He's too tired to run, but he walks as fast as he can until he catches up to her. She appears surprised as she turns around, accidentally bumping into him.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" She says, backing away. James gently grabs her shoulders, looking her in the eyes.

"I love you." He says softly, "I know I said that we couldn't be together, but I was wrong. I need you, Dev. I don't care that you're older than me or that I've had cancer for the past year. I love you and I want to be with you."

"Let's go somewhere private." Devonne says, taking his hand. He follows her down the hallway and around the corner, walking until they reach an empty hallway. James pulls her into a passionate kiss, expressing his love without saying anything at all. Devonne certainly doesn't seem to mind.

"What are we gonna do if I'm still sick, though? I don't want you to get hurt." James whispers, kissing her cheek.

"I really think that your cancer will be gone." Devonne tells him. "I just have a feeling."

James still feels apprehensive, but he supposes that being optimistic wouldn't hurt.

"Are we a couple or not?" He asks her.

"Hmm," Devonne says thoughtfully. "Yeah, we're a couple."

* * *

><p>"I can't believe that you're dating an older woman!" Carlos laughs.<p>

"An older woman?" Camille questions.

"Devonne is twenty two." James says with an amused smile. He knows that his friends are gonna tease him for a while, but he doesn't mind as long as he has Devonne. In fact, he finds their teasing kind of funny. Anyway, He remembers how Carlos had a crush on a senior during their freshman year. Unfortunately, he could only admire from afar.

"Once Carlos gets a girlfriend, we'll all be taken." Logan says, his arm around Camille's shoulders.

"Hey, at least he found someone educated." Mama Knight says, rubbing James's back. "Devonne is in college."

"Impressive." Samuel says, while Brooke nods in agreement. Well, Devonne has obviously gotten the approval of James's parents. That's good. His mom can be picky when it comes to the girls that James dates, so it's a relief that she approves of Devonne.

"Have you kissed her yet?" Kendall asks him.

"Yep." James nods. "Four times."

"Whoa." Carlos murmurs. James looks toward the waiting room entrance just as Doctor Barlow walks in. He hopes that the chemotherapy didn't do too much damage. He's more concerned about his chemo results, but his organs are important too.

"Well, James, you have sustained some minor weakening of your veins," Doctor Barlow tells him. "It should improve in a few months, though."

"It's not serious?"

"In your case, no." Doctor Barlow responds. "And remember to come back again next week so you can find out if the chemo has been successful. Hopefully, it has."

"Yeah," James says softly, staring at the floor. "Hopefully."

* * *

><p><strong>Review! :D<strong>


	43. Celebrate

A week later, they are all heading back to the hospital. James is sitting in the back seat of the van with his parents, deep in thought. Today is the big day, the day that he'll find out if his year long battle is over. He wants to be done with the chemo, the exhaustion, the nausea, and all the horrible discomfort he has been forced to experience. He wants to get his life back.

"The guys are gonna meet us at the hospital." Mama Knight informs him.

"Okay." James says softly. His mom holds his hand and he rests his head on her shoulder. He's truly terrified of what he's gonna find out. Today is all he has been thinking about for the past week. He wants to know that he's healed, but he can't get the other possibility out of his mind. He hopes that he doesn't have anything to worry about, though.

"You're gonna be fine, son." Samuel says, squeezing his shoulder. James doesn't know if he believes that. He wants to, but he just doesn't know. He feels sick to his stomach just thinking about. He's tired of getting chemo and he would prefer if he didn't have to get anymore. Chemo is horrible!

"You know, I think we should go out to eat afterwards." Brooke says, kissing his forehead. He nods slowly, looking out the window. Oh, they're here. He takes a deep breath as Mama Knight drives into the hospital parking lot, his eyes filling with tears. He's just so scared, you know? Today could either be a good day or a bad day.

"Everything will be okay." Brooke says gently as Mama Knight parks the car. She opens the door and climbs out, then she helps James down. He waves at the guys, who are getting out of the Big Time Rush mobile. Even though he's nervous, he's glad that his friends are here with him. And he knows that Devonne will be here. By the way, he still needs to take her on an actual date. He just wanted to wait until this cancer stuff is over with.

"Ready to go, buddy?" Kendall asks, throwing his arm around James's shoulders.

"I guess." James says quietly as they walk toward the entrance. He keeps his head down so hopefully no one will notice him. He's just praying that everything will be okay. If he is in remission, he will be very happy.

"James!"

"Hey!" He says when he sees Devonne. His girlfriends walks over to him and throws her arms around his neck. When they are certain that no doctors and nurses are looking, they share a sweet kiss. There's sort of a rule about no romantic relationships between staff members and patients. However, if James really is in remission, he won't be considered a patient anymore, so they won't have to follow that rule.

"James and Devonne, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G." Carlos mumbles. James and Devonne both glare at him and he immediately shuts up. They continue walking down the hallway until they arrive at Doctor Barlow's office.

"We'll be waiting right outside." Devonne whispers, kissing his cheek.

"Okay." James says quietly, giving his friends and parents a weak smile before stepping into the office.

"James! Have a seat." Doctor Barlow says warmly. James carefully lowers himself in the chair across from the doctor, anxiously waiting for him to speak. He prays silently to hear that he's in remission, that the battle against cancer has come to an end. This has been a very tough year and he just wants it to be over.

"So...Do you have the results?" He asks softly.

"Yes, I do." Doctor Barlow chuckles. Ugh, why is he laughing?

"So...Am I okay?"

"I think you'll be pleased to hear that..." Doctor Barlow begins. "You're in remission."

For a moment, James doesn't speak. Remission, he's in remission. The fight really is over. After a whole year of battling one of the most horrible diseases, he's better. He's healthy again. Words can't even describe how happy he is.

"Congratulations." Doctor Barlow tells him, patting his shoulder. "I'll call you when I want you to come back for a follow up appointment."

"Okay." James nods, still in shock. It's a good kind of shock, though. He survived cancer. He fought a long, painful battle and _won._ He slowly stands up and shakes Doctor Barlow's hand, walking out the door. He walks down the hallway until he arrives at the waiting room. His parents, Mama Knight, Katie, the guys, and even Devonne, they're all waiting for him.

"How did it go?" Devonne asks carefully. Instead of speaking, he pulls her into a passionate kiss, cupping his hands over her cheeks.

"What did he say?" Samuel asks him.

"I did it." James smiles. "I'm in remission."

Soon, he finds himself in a group hug, several arms wrapped around him. While he's being squeezed by his family and friends, he manages to share another kiss with Devonne.

"Let's go out and _celebrate_!" Carlos yells, running toward the front door. He cheers loudly as he does, but he doesn't pay attention and he ends up running into the door, knocking himself unconcious. For the first time in a while, James genuinely laughs. It's not fake like it has been in recent months.

"He's right." Mama Knight says, kissing James's cheek. "Let's celebrate."

* * *

><p>"We're really proud of you, buddy." Kendall tells James.<p>

"Thanks." James says, eating another chicken nugget. Everyone agreed that he should pick the restaurant, so he picked McDonald's. After all, it's his favorite place to go when he wants fast food. It feels so good to eat a meal and actually enjoy it. Before remission, he always felt sick when he ate, but he's serious loving these nuggets. Chicken nuggets and fish sticks were his favorite before he got sick.

"Thanks for inviting me." Devonne tells them. "I definitely wanna be here to celebrate with my guy."

James grins as he kisses her, being in no rush to pull away. They continue for another minute until Brooke clears her throat.

"Okay, that's enough." She says, appearing very amused.

"Sorry, Mrs. Diamond." Devonne says politely. She gets along very well with James's parents. Surprisingly, his mom hasn't criticized Devonne once. He's really glad because he likes Devonne and he wants his parents to like her too. He's cured of his cancer, a pretty girlfriend, amazing friends, and a loving family. He likes when his loved ones get along. Everyone is getting along and James loves that.

"You know, James's birthday is coming up." Katie points out.

"Right." Logan nods. "And I think we need to throw a special party for him."

"You don't have to do that." James smiles.

"But we're doing it anyway." Carlos responds.

"You deserve it." Samuel tells James.

"Oh," James replies slowly. "Well...Okay!"

He did beat cancer and he would enjoy a party. He hasn't partied at all since he got sick and, quite frankly, he misses it. He wonders if they'll have to sneak around Bitters again. Maybe they can convince him to make an exception to the No Parties rule. This is a special occasion.

"We really are proud of you, honey." Mama Knight says, squeezing his hand.

"I appreciate all of the support that you guys have given me." James responds. "I have been through a lot in the past year, we all have, but you all stood by me even when it got hard. Now it's all over and everything can go back to normal. I really do thank you, though."

"It was no problem, baby." Brooke says, kissing his temple.

James has learned a lot from the past year. For example, he learned the strength of his relationships with his loved ones. This year was tough, but no one left him. They went through some rough patches, but they all got through it together. Now they can focus on returning to their normal lives. Big Time Rush can make their big time comeback and everything can return to normal as well.

Finally, everything is okay again.

* * *

><p><strong>There will be one more chapter after this! Then I will post the How To Love sequel:)<strong>

**Review! :D**


	44. Survivor

"Are you sure you wanna do this?" Devonne asks James, intertwining their has been a little over a month since James went into remission and they are celebrating his nineteenth birthday at the Palm Woods. The party will include a comeback performance by Big Time Rush. Since James still hasn't gotten all of his strength, so they chose a slow song to perform. That way, he can just sit on a barstool, instead of dancing around. He has also started growing his hair back. He's still a bit insecure about it, though. That's why he's wearing a back backwards baseball cap.

"I'm fine." James replies, giving her a kiss. He takes a deep breath as he looks around the apartment, grinning as Devonne kisses his cheek. Life has been so perfect lately. He's starting to put on a little weight, his appetite is returning, Big Time Rush is gonna make a comeback, and he has his girlfriend. He is grateful for everything he has. He's truly blessed with a great life.

"If you're too tired-"

"I'm not." He insists, resting his forehead against hers. She fixes the collar of his black leather jacket and he smiles, leaning in for another kiss. He pulls his girlfriend into a hug, holding her close. He may be a little nervous about performing tonight, but he's more excited than anything else. He's performing with his best friends, which makes it a lot less nervewracking.

"You look very cute." Devonne tells him, rubbing his shoulder.

"Hey, let's go." James smiles, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. He kisses her temple as they walk toward the door, exiting the apartment. Devonne wraps her arm around his waist. He can tell that she's still very protective of him. Everyone is! People are constantly asking him how he's feeling and if he's okay. It doesn't bother him, though. He's grateful that people are showing so much concern for him.

"You boys are gonna be amazing." Devonne tells him as they enter the elevator.

"I'm a little nervous." James admits. He hasn't performed in a while, so he's just a little anxious. He's worried that he might mess up. However, they've been practicing, so the performance will hopefully go well. Kelly knows that James is nervous, so she made Gustavo promise that he wouldn't pressure them. Gustavo has only made them come to the studio for a few hours each day, since he knows that James is still recovering.

"Just relax." Devonne says, squeezing his hand. As soon as they step out of the elevator, a pretty little girl jumps into James's arms. He recognizes her as Kayla, the girl that he use to see at the hospital when he first started treatment.

"Hey, princess!" He says, giving her a hug. "I haven't seen you in forever!"

"Mommy said we could come and watch you sing." Kayla tells him.

"Well, I'm really happy you're here." James says, ruffling her hair. "Enjoy the show."

Kayla gives him another hug, then she follows her mom out to the pool. James sighs softly, smiling as he kisses the top of Devonne's head. Then he takes her hand and they walk out to the pool, greeting their friends. He gets a big hug from the Jennifers, which is actually kind of cool because they use to ignore him. He doesn't want girls flirting with him too much. After all, he does have a girlfriend.

"Hey, I'm finally gonna pour grape juice in the pool!" Carlos says excitedly, running over to them. They look at the bottle of grape juice that he's currently holding, worried about what he's about to do. Bitters is gonna kill him.

"No, you're not!" Kendall and Logan say in unison, grabbing the shorter boy. Devonne takes the grape juice from him, sitting it on a nearby table.

"There's the birthday boy!" Brooke says cheerfully, walking over to her son. She pulls James into a hug, placing a loving kiss on his cheek.

"Hi." James says, returning the hug. Even though he's in remission, his parents have come to really enjoy Los Angeles, so they've decided to stay. Even Samuel, who hasn't always been the perfect father, wants to stay here and be there for James. It's great to know that he's gonna have them here. He really missed his parents before they moved here.

"DOGS!" Gustavo shouts. "GET OVER HERE!"

"We'll talk later." James says, hugging his parents and giving Devonne a kiss. He follows his friends over to the area where four microphones have been set up.

"Remember, you're performing Invisible." Kelly tells them.

"Don't screw it up." Gustavo warns before following Kelly to a nearby table.

"Ready for this?" Kendall asks them.

"Yeah!" Carlos and Logan say together. But James just nods, feeling too nervous to speak. He hopes he can do this. He hopes he can do this without screwing up. It can't be that hard, right? All he has to do is sit on a barstool and sing. Yeah, that's not difficult at alll. Oh, he's freaking out.

"Hey, you're gonna be great." Kendall tells him, patting his shoulder. He nods reluctantly as the music begins. Kendall starts singing and James glances over at Devonne, who gives him a reassuring smile. He responds with a smile before returning his attention to the song. He keeps listening until the chorus starts and it's time for him to start singing. As soon as he sings, the guests burst into applause and he smiles. Slowly, the nerves start fading away until they're gone completely.

"WE LOVE YOU, JAMES!" A small group of fangirls shout.

"I LOVE HIM MORE!" Devonne says excitedly. A smile stays on James's face through the whole song until it finally comes to an end. Every guest cheers for them and the four guys do a group hug, enjoying the sound of cheering from their friends, family, and a few excited fans. As they turn around to face the crowd, James finds himself thinking back to the past year. It was full of struggles, pain, and suffering, but they all got through it. Logan overcame his addictions, James beat cancer, and now they can all focus on the future. James knows that it's sure to be full of happiness.

* * *

><p><strong>*Sobs* Yes, that's the last chapter! *clears throat* Anyway, my next story will be How To Love: The Big Commitment (Is that a good title? I literally just thought of it) and it will be about Lucy wanting to marry James, but James is afraid of making that commitment. As you probably remember from the first story, his wife died while giving birth to their daughter and he's very careful when it comes to relationships.<strong>

**I have actually been working on the first chapter recently, so that may be posted either later today or tomorrow:) I hope you'll all like it, though:)**

**Once that's finished, I could do a sequel for this:) Maybe it could be about James and Devonne! :D**

**Review! (I almost have 200)**


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